Replay
by Semika
Summary: Harry is living life the way Sirius would have. i.e, pranking, joking, breaking rules, and flirting. So what happens when he and three friends go back to the marauders era? A prank war of course. No HBP, OOC, slash, time travel, COMPLETE!
1. The Boring Information

_**Replay**_

* * *

Chapter 1

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

"It can't be the dumbest idea. Remember last week when Pansy decided she wanted to paint our toenails pink? Or the week before when Ginny decided your godfather's wardrobe needed more colour in it and changed everything in it to a permanent puce colour?"

"Alright so _those_ were the dumbest ideas I've ever heard but your idea isn't much better."

"Hey, I resent that. Those were both wonderful ideas that had spectacular results." Pansy said with an affected sniff.

"Riiight… anyway, pleeeease can I do it?"

Draco sighed and looked at the pouting face of Harry Potter. The raven haired boy had perfected the "puppy eyed" look months ago and was now making full use of it on his friend. Behind him, Pansy was muttering about boys and their low levels of appreciation for a good idea while Ginny carefully added measured drops from a syringe into the triangular dish in front of them.

The dish itself held a stone tablet, about ten centimetres in diameter, which was covered in Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. Harry had found it that summer when he was exploring tombs in Egypt with Remus Lupin. There was powerful magic on it and _naturally_ Harry had found it necessary to conduct experiments on it when he returned. When Draco, Pansy, and Gin had come looking for him he had already submerged it in a diluted mix of ground scarab beetle and carbonated limestone and was just about to pour in a small vial of basilisk venom into the mix.

Currently Draco was preventing Harry from getting to the dish with one arm while holding the vial above him in the air with his other hand. Ginny was trying to neutralize Harry's creation by slowly adding phoenix tears to the mix to counteract the scarab beetles.

"Harry." Draco said patiently. "If we add the venom in now the whole thing will most likely explode taking all of us with it and, surprising as this may be, we actually enjoy living."

After his fifth year, Harry had decided to live the life Sirius would have wanted him to live. In other words, pranking, joking, breaking rules, chasing after girls, and generally being as irresponsible as possible. The fact that he had turned out to be gay put a slight dampener on things but it had yet to deter Harry from flirting with anything on two legs. Honestly, you would think that having a mad man out for your blood would teach a person to be cautious but _no_, not if you're Harry Potter, the only person to make stupidity synonymous with immortality.

As it was, Harry's romantic adventures were infamous throughout the Hogwarts community. It was universally confirmed that he'd first slept with Fred Weasley when he had visited Hogwarts for a month and a half in Harry's sixth year to market Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, followed by Seamus Finnegan a month later and some unfortunate third year Hufflepuffs had caught him in the act with Blaise Zabini earlier this year. He was rumored to have slept with many others but no one could confirm this and no other guys were talking. He had tried a steady relationship with Draco Malfoy in sixth year but the pair had agreed that they were much better off as friends with occasional benefits.

Harry had made peace with the Slytherins on the first day of sixth year. Draco had been sitting in a compartment on the Hogwarts train with Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy when Harry had flung the door open with a flourish. He marched in, followed closely by a slightly bemused Ginny Weasley.

Stopping in front of Pansy, he had bowed deeply to her.

"Highness," He'd said with a childish grin, "My name is Harry Potter and I'm desolate to say that it is my unfortunate responsibility to create as much of a stir as is physically possible before the sun sets on the first day of our return to that striking building known as Hogwarts."

With this he had straitened momentarily before sitting himself down on the lap of a speechless Draco Malfoy. An embarrassed Ginny had taken a moment to explain Harry's attitude change before preparing to drag him out of the compartment.

Pansy had stopped her and asked her to take a seat and the two created a firm friendship. Ginny was still dating Dean and the two spent the trip alternating between rating all the male students at Hogwarts and laughing at the constant bickering going on between Harry and Draco who by this time had his lap back. The four had soon ditched Crabbe and Goyle and became fast friends. Harry no longer spoke to Ron or Hermione who had ostracized him for being gay and Ginny had been moved into the sixth year classes. Politics were never discussed between the four and the tried to stay out of the current war (though Harry had an obvious role to play). Unfortunately for the other Hogwarts residents, the four discovered exactly where their talents lay.

The students of Hogwarts lived in fear of attack, no house was safe, the teachers upped their patrols, Filch became slightly more psychotic, the ghosts looked on indifferently and Peeves was ecstatic for the pranking era began again. The four became as notorious as the marauders had been but, unlike the marauders, the never targeted individuals without due cause and their victims could all laugh it off afterwards.

To counteract the four, Dumbledore brought Remus Lupin in as DADA professor. The students were all pleased to have him back having realised that his lycanthropy didn't stop him from being the best DADA professor they'd ever had and Dumbledore figured that as an ex-marauder he would be able to spot potential pranks not to mention use his influence on Harry to calm him down and separate him from the Slytherins again to be back under Dumbledore's control.

Remus however, had other ideas. He informed Harry that he was proud of the boy's decisions and not to listen to his critics. He gave them pranking ideas from ones he, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs had played in their youth and provided them with the occasional alibi. In return, the four kept their pranks out of his classroom and away from his meals and helped him with marking or research occasionally.

Harry had bonded well with Remus and had been delighted to be invited on a project in Egypt during the holidays that the man was working on with Bill Weasley. The elder Weasley had been disappointed to hear of Ron's prejudices especially considering Fred's status but was glad to know that Gin wasn't influenced by them. She too came along and together, she and Harry had a great time. That was how Harry had come into possession of the stone tablet which lead to the current situation they were in.

Harry James Potter had, since birth, possessed an ability to create unbelievable situations in which everything that could go wrong, would. For examples, I give you, Draco sending a snake in their second year duel and revealing Harry as a parseltongue just when the Chamber of Secrets had been opened, happening to chase after Ron and Sirius and catch Wormtail on a full moon on the one night Remus forgets his potion, and my personal favourite, hiding right near Barty Crouch Jr at the Quidditch World Cup.

Thus when Draco, Pansy and Gin had arrived at this situation, they had instantly kicked into action.

"Pleeeease!" Harry said again "I already put roseleaf essence in with the venom to prevent heat and thus explosions so really there's no direct danger."

Here Ginny paused in her actions.

"Wow Harry you actually planned this out. I'm fairly impressed. This is a new milestone for you." She said.

Harry poked his tongue out before lifting his head loftily. "I'll have you know I always plan carefully. It's just that I usually don't stick to said plans," here he sighed. "Look, I've done my research and the tablet looks fairly similar to one mentioned in the journals of Cleopatra's personal wizard. He said he created it as a connection to deceased loved ones after most of Cleopatra's family were dead. Given, many died at her behest but that's beside the point! He wrote that you needed to add wyvern venom to the eternal hunger which I'm thinking would be scarab beetles, and since wyverns are extinct, the closest thing would be dragon or basilisk venom. We don't have any dragons here but we do have a dead basilisk."

Draco's eyes widened as he realised the possibilities of this. Unconsciously he had begun to lower his arm, bringing the venom within Harry's reach.

Pansy looked around at the others.

"We could try for him." She said. "He appears to have thought this through.

Ginny and Draco looked at each other, weighing up their options.

"Okay."

* * *

James Potter and Sirius Black were sitting at the Gryffindor table in the great hall in silent anticipation. Those sitting around them eased away cautiously recognizing the slightly evil glint in their eyes as the coming of a rather spectacular prank. Realising this, the other occupants within the hall began to take action.

Their friends Remus and Peter quickly thought back through the two boys actions of the day trying to figure out what they could have planned. The Head of Gryffindor house, Professor McGonagall rose from her place at the head table and made her way down the side of the hall to where the two boys were sitting while the other teachers discretely pulled out their wands and checked their food for additives.

Across at the Slytherin table Severus Snape (their usual target) began warily easing back from the table before him, preparing to run. Before any of these people could complete their actions however, a loud CRACK sounded throughout the hall almost like someone had apparated. Moments later, two boys and two girls appeared in mid air above the Ravenclaw table and fell crashing down, sending food, plates, and cutlery flying in all directions.

One of the girls, a blond, gave an audible sigh as she looked up at the charmed roof.

"'Can't we just try it?' he says. 'I just want to see what happens' he says. 'What could possibly go wrong?' he says. Honestly," Here she broke off her conversation with the ceiling and turned to a frightened third year. "Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? And what's worse… we relented! We know what he's like and we relented! I think in many ways that makes us just as idiotic as he is."

The entire hall sat in stunned silence as the two boys groaned and rolled off opposite side of the table and onto the floor, knocking several petrified first years down with them. Across at the Gryffindor table, James and Sirius who were as shocked as everyone else looked at the scene before them and started laughing.

Snapping out of her daze, McGonagall glared at the two students she was now certain were responsible for the whole thing. Opening her mouth to berate them she was cut off before she could begin as one of the new arrivals bolted upright and glared at his companion on the other side of the table.

Pulling himself up with as much dignity as you can have when you've just landed in pumpkin juice and shepherds pie, the boy faced his companion angrily.

"Harry James Potter, you are SO DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

* * *


	2. Hard Act To Follow

_**Replay**_

OK, just a few things I probably should have mentioned at the start of the first chapter. Harry is in his 7th year, it's 1997 and he's gone back to 1977 which means that his father is now 17. The first chapter was written to give you all of the background information so that from now I can concentrate on my actual plot idea. There isn't really many amusing ways to sum up a year and a bit of Harry's life in fewer than 1000 words so I just left it plain and unembellished. Everything from here on out will probably be embellished and exaggerated to the extreme if my personal un-fanfiction stories are anything to go by. I may do flashbacks or write a side story with the information if I feel it's needed but at this stage, that's all you need to know. OK… I think I've said everything. On with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I don't own the characters, I don't own the setting, I don't even own this computer! In fact I'm not even writing this story. It's my cat. She miaows it and I'm translating and typing since it's exceedingly difficult to type with paws.

* * *

Chapter 2

_9__th__ October 1977_

If one were to describe the scene in the Great Hall that day, one need only have used a single word. Chaotic. However, as the narrator, I have the right to use as many words as I damn well choose. Two hundred and ninety five in this case.

At that current moment, a boy, about 5'8'' tall with black hair and green eyes was running down between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables tossing chairs and small children behind him in an effort to slow his pursuer. His gait was hindered however since he was forced to continually duck assorted missiles in the form of the various dishes that had been served up by the house elves for lunch that day.

His attacker, a blond of roughly 6', was clearing the obstacles with graceful leaps, somehow managing to snatch plates of food from the tables on either side of him as he ran. Due to all of this he was slowly lagging behind. Meanwhile, a blond girl whom none of the halls usual frequenters seemed to recognise was lying atop the Ravenclaw table, alternating between one sided conversations with, the ceiling, a third year student, and a nearby jug of pumpkin juice.

And last but not least and possibly the most psychotic, a fiery red head was stamping her feet as she stood between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables screaming insults at the world at large, interspaced with threats for the blond, whom she identified as "Malfoy you scum sucking snake" if he dared to murder "Harry the moron" before she got a piece of him because she had landed on a gravy boat and her hair "was a putrid disgusting mess of greasy locks that would possibly never be the same again and Merlin her back was killing her".

All this was witnessed by several hundred students, the younger ones learning dozens of new words to add to their vocabulary, the elders watching awe inspired, along with several teachers all of whom now had their wands out and pointed at the new arrivals.

The black haired boy had by this time given up on trying to run and had chosen hiding as a better option. He veered suddenly to the side, dove under the Gryffindor table and crawled several metres toward the entry doors before stopping, as luck would have it, between the legs of the four marauders.

"Hide me oh defenders of heroes misjudged." He pleaded without looking up to see who he was talking to.

"Er… no," came the reply from Sirius Black. "Why should we? We don't even know you."

"Why should you?" Harry said in disbelief. "The guy's trying to kill me! Can you imagine the headlines; Boy-Who-Lived, Killed by flying Tapioca Pudding! Merlin how humiliating would that be?"

"Look man," James Potter said, leaning down to view the melodramatic young man. "It's not that we don't appreciate the sentimentality of these circumstances, 'cause we do, but we can't help you out. You're invading our school, squashing our feet, and you appear to have stolen my last name and dashing good looks."

Harry glanced to his right and then stared as he looked at the faces of two men he'd thought were gone for good.

"AHA!" Draco cried dragging Harry out from under the table and shaking him slightly. "What the hell Potter? You're supposed to be the Gryffindor Golden Boy! You can't hide under tables, it just doesn't work. I'm sure there's even a law somewhere that says you have to stand and face every battle. Now," he said as he finished his rant. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you here and now."

"Okay Draco, defeater of knaves unstoppable, I'll give you two." Harry said as he regained some of his bravado though he continued to stare at his father. "One, Ginny said she wants a piece of me too and you know she's inherited her mother's lungs. And two, the spell appears to have worked."

With this both the ranting girls as well as Draco froze as they realised their surroundings. Draco quickly let go of Harry with a murmured "Good point" and the four slowly turned to face the head table and the wands pointed at them.

"Er… Hi." Ginny finally said.

* * *

The four time travellers shifted uncomfortably in the silence. They'd regrouped between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables and had been standing together watching those around them for roughly three minutes, and so far, nothing had happened. However, they did have Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived-to-have-the-attention-span-of-a-goldfish with them.

"Hey guys" He said in stage whisper. "Do you think it's safe to use our real names around them? I think we should play it safe and use false names. I'll be Clark Kent, Dray, you can be William the Bloody, Gin, Joan of Arc, and Pansy, you can be Bond."

"James Bond." Pansy replied. "But since you've just used all our real names, not to mention the fact that Dray screamed yours at the top of his lungs earlier, I think fake names may be a tad pointless don't you?"

"Oh fine." Harry sighed. "Ruin my entire fun why don't you? I suppose you want me to sort this mess out as well."

"Considering you got us into this with your re-invention of time travel, I'm thinking… yeah that would be nice." Ginny snapped.

"Very well then oh subjects of deities unequalled." Harry said in a long suffering manner.

Draco rolled his eyes.

"I really hope you're not talking about yourself Harry."

"What if I am?"

"I'd have to say that you probably shouldn't have drunk strait from the Nile while you were in Egypt. You've obviously picked up some sort of virus."

"Prat."

"Naturally."

Harry sniffed and face the hall as a whole with a large benevolent smile plastered on his face.

"Greetings primitive beings! We are from the future. I am the great and powerful, all-knowing Harry James Potter. Son of James William Potter and someone who's identity I shall not reveal for risk of taking the whole challenge out of it for dear old Daddykins.

"Behind me, you see the gorgeous and mysterious Draco Amadeus Malfoy. Son of the mysterious Lucius Amadeus Malfoy. Oh crap I just used mysterious twice. I must practice my diction at a later date. Moving on!

"Accompanying us are the two beauteous delights known as Ginny Annabel Weasley and Pansy No middle name Parkinson, daughters of Arthur Inius Weasley and Molly Prewett, and… actually I'm not sure what Pansy's parents names are. Anyway, we are here to take over so this will all be much simpler if you'll all just bow down now."

Dray, Gin and Pansy all stared at him in amazement.

"Harry," Whispered a rather pale Draco. "I don't think that will help the situation."

"What?" Harry said. "Oh alright then."

He raised his arms above his head in an almighty gesture and opened his mouth.

"We… Come… In… PEACE!" He said dramatically.

If it had been possible for the silence in the great hall to become any more pronounced, that's exactly what would have happened. As it was, it was broken only by a quiet comment from the young Severus Snape.

"Oh sweet Merlin there's another one."

At this, Sirius Black grinned widely and cried out;

"It's a Prongslet!"

"No" Remus corrected him. "It's got to be Bambi."

"But Bambi sound weak."

"And Prongslet is diminutive."

"Prongslet!"

"Bambi!"

"Prongslet!"

"Bambi!"

"Prongslet!"

"Bambi!"

"People, people, gentlemen of wisdom astute. There's no need to fight, I already have more then enough names to live happily with. Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, Hogwarts Sex God, the Gryffindor Golden Boy, prankster extraordinaire, the…"

"Moron who invented a new and unreliable form of time travel that could have gotten us all killed." Draco interrupted dryly.

"Yes, well that one's fairly new. I was going to say defeater of all evil, or bearer of too many pieces of fan mail."

Draco opened his mouth to reply to this but checked himself and shrugged. "Eh, I'll give you those ones."

"Boys, as fascinating as this conversation is, it would seem that Harry's mind-blowing introduction has failed to alleviate suspicion. I would say now would be a good time to confirm our non-death eater status." Pansy said in a slightly strained voice as she stared at the multiple wands aimed at her throat by a group of cautious Ravenclaws.

All four hitched up their sleeves to reveal unmarked arms. As those around them started to put their wands away, Ginny turned to Harry.

"Just so you know, despite the roundabout success of your idea, I still have every intention of making you suffer for the state of my hair." She said in a too calm voice.

"Oh crap." Harry said jumping away from her quickly. "Look, I will personally pay for any hair treatment products you need or even an appointment at a Witches Salon, just _please_ no bat bogey hexes. I'm begging you, leave a man his dignity!"

"Oh fine." Ginny sighed. "Now, how do we solve this?"

"Dunno." Harry replied looking longingly over to the Gryffindor table. "I don't know where the tablet thingy is. Can't we just stay here for a while and hope for the best?"

"Is this it?" A fourth year Hufflepuff called out pulling something free of a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"Yeah it is actually." Pansy said. "Thanks sweetheart, what's your name?"

"Pomona Sprout," was the reply.

"Merlin be damned." Harry said pouting. It was at this point that Dumbledore decided to make his presence known.

"Children." He called in a slightly melodramatic tone. "Am I to assume that you had no intention of this coming about and that it was simply an accident?"

The futuristic four looked at each other.

"No actually, we thought it would be just so much _fun_ to land in your midday meal and then we figured, just to top it off, we'd yell at our friend and throw things at him for getting us here." Pansy said sarcastically.

"Do you have a reliable method of returning to your own time?" Dumbledore continued unperturbed.

"Ah no, not exactly," Draco said "But I'm kind of hoping that someone from our time period will remember us showing up here and come back with a proper time turner or similar device to fetch us back."

"Well then," the Headmaster said looking pleased with himself, "Until that happens, we would not want your schooling to suffer. I extend an official invitation to you to attend Hogwarts until such time as you return to your own time."

"Yes! Woo hoo!" Harry screamed and lifted his shirt over his face and began a victory lap around the hall. The 1977 students and teachers all stared. Draco watched in amusement, and Ginny turned red, embarrassed by her friends behaviour and began berating him from where she was, more to placate herself then for any real effectiveness. Pansy raised her eyes to the ceiling and seemed prepared to continue her earlier conversation. Over at the Gryffindor table, Peter Pettigrew turned to James.

"He doesn't really seem to be at all self conscious does he?" He commented.

James nodded, looking delighted.

"My son," he stated proudly, "Would make a perfect marauder. We must induct him as soon as is humanely possible."

"Seconded." Sirius said.

"Thirded." Peter said quickly, not wanting to be left out.

Remus just grinned.

At that moment there was a flash of light and suddenly in the place of Severus Snape was a large red and gold griffin.

"Merlin, I'd forgotten about that." James said brightly.

Over hearing this, Professor McGonagall began yelling at him, pleased to be able to pin _something_ on the trouble maker.

* * *

Supper that evening was the first time in several years that every single Hogwarts teacher and student was in attendance from its start at seven o-clock exactly. Everyone was eager to get another glimpse of the four time travellers who had been whisked away to Dumbledore's study as soon as they'd agreed to enrol. In fact, the only students who didn't enter for supper as soon as the doors opened were the new celebrities themselves.

Harry, Draco, Pansy and Ginny were all slowly making their way down to the Great Hall. They were completely exhausted. As soon as they'd reached Dumbledore's office, they had been questioned with veritaserum to confirm their claims and from there, had gone on to reselect their subjects. They were left in their original houses and were given some spare uniforms and robes. The clothes were fairly generic luckily with no stylish assistance (can you imagine? Harry Potter in 70's flared pants!?!).

They had all been quizzed to determine their level, especially Ginny after she told them she'd been accelerated. After that, they had been introduced to their heads of house, a younger Professor McGonagall for Harry and Gin, and a Professor André Pandino for the two Slytherins. Professor McGonagall seemed resigned to the fact that there was now another Potter in her care but after meeting a very charming and suave Harry, she seemed to warm up a tad. Professor Pandino was a middle aged gentleman who informed the Slytherins that he would take no slacking off, that their grades must be impeccable, and any foolishness would be dealt with severely. It was soon clear exactly where Snape had gotten his inspiration, though, as Dray's godfather, he had mellowed out towards the four, particularly after Harry had sent a sincere written apology for the pensieve incident and volunteered himself for twelve detentions for it.

By this stage, Professor Dumbledore had informed them it was time for supper. The three teachers left to take one of the unexplainable short cuts that made it possible for them to seem to be everywhere at once, leaving the four students to make their way down to the Hall on their own. Harry commented on whether they did this for all new students as most would probably have gotten lost and wandered into one of Hogwarts' more dangerous areas never to be seen again. This, he said, would have explained why there never seemed to be any new students apart from the first years.

As they came closer to the Great Hall, they straightened up and moved so they were all walking in a row. They had agreed that an entrance _needed_ to be made. The four marched together with even steps and as one, reached out to shove the doors open.

They burst open with a bang that turned every head. Harry, Gin, Pansy and Dray paused for a few seconds before Harry and Dray turned and offered their female companions an arm. Both pairs turned and the boys escorted their female counterparts over to their respective house tables. Students immediately shifted in different directions, all trying to get the newcomers to sit next to them. Draco escorted Pansy to a pair of seats next to some fifth years and opposite Severus Snape. Harry headed towards the marauders but at the last moment, changed his mind and sat with some first years some seats over from them after recognising one as Bill Weasley.

"Yo kid." He said doing some weird hand gesture Ginny was sure he'd pinched from Star Trek. "I'm Harry and this is your little sister who's actually your big sister right now but doesn't actually exist yet." Harry paused, not quite sure what he'd just said.

Bill thumped himself on the chest. "I am the Billster man. Awesome speech earlier by the way."

Harry opened his mouth to speak again but froze in horror.

"Did you just call yourself the Billster?"

"Yeah! It's my new super cool name. Like?"

Ginny and Harry looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"Oh man, I've got to write this stuff down! It'll be great blackmail material for when we get back."

"Totally! I've finally got some dirt on my biggest brother. I've been trying for years but he's the only one I didn't have anything on."

"Hey, my new name is the coolest." The newly dubbed Billster shouted looking miffed and drawing a lot of attention to himself.

"I agree" said another first year. "Hey," the kid turned to Ginny. "Are you a goody two shoes or are you cool like the Pottster?"

"Oh please for the love of god tell me you didn't call me the Pottster," cried a slightly traumatised Harry.

Ginny laughed.

"Oh, you should see the four of us when we're in our element. We are the greatest pranksters of all time."

"Vain much?" murmured a nearby third year who seemed a lot like Hermione.

"So you guys do pranks?" said Sirius Black, who, with the other marauders, had shifted to sit near Ginny and Harry.

"Yeah big time." Harry said with a grin. "Our most recent one was huge. We got all the houses. We started by getting Mrs Norris drunk, then we shaved her and put trapping spells on her so she couldn't leave the Hufflepuff common room and a sense impairment spell so all the puffers smelt like catnip. Then we made blood run down all the walls in Gryffindor and changed the Fat Lady to look like Dracula. Then we went to Slytherin and made every single item of furniture, and all the paintings and draperies, pink and fluffy. And finally," Here he paused dramatically. "We went into the Ravenclaw and stuck Dunce hats to their heads with sticking charms and charmed the entrances so everyone who left or entered their dorm forgot how to read.

With this everyone at the Ravenclaw table, even those who hadn't heard him shuddered simultaneously.

A grinning Harry looked around at the other Gryffindors. They were all staring at him in silence.

"Awesome!" They finally all screamed.

"Harry!" Draco called from over at the Slytherin table. "Please don't tell me you just told them about our house disruption prank."

"He did." Ginny clarified looking rather put out.

"So what?" Harry asked.

"Harry love," Pansy said in a mock patient voice. "You've just lost us the element of surprise."

Harry sat back in his chair.

"Well gosh darn it." He mused.

* * *


	3. Dear Ol' Dad

Authors Note: People, I'm dieing here! I know exactly how many people are reading my story and who has added it to their alerts and what not, BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE REVIEW! Plus that one was from my sister who just did it to be nice. Covers face with hands and sobs dramatically while peaking through fingers to assure your continued attention Your killing my self esteem people! So here is my question. If you all hate my story that much, why are you reading it? Huh? Answer that for me. Well that's my rant for today so on with the story.

_Parseltongue_

Authors Notes

Retraction: After reading my story, my cat has decided to sue me for slander via my claims that she is the author. So this is a retraction stating that my cat has had nothing to do with this story.

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat.

Chapter 3

_9th October 1977_

After Harry had informed the world of one of their greatest exploits, the four time travellers had no problems with giving details of some of their pranks. After all, they could always come up with new ones. Never let it be said that they repeated themselves. Draco, having given away enough for his liking was talking to his future godfather about the benefits of raspberry leaves to purify dragon scales for potions work. As luck would have it, Draco's father had graduated two years ago and although his mother was now in her final year of school, he had not met up with her yet. Pansy was doing a wonderful impression of Luna Lovegood as she fielded prank questions from the surrounding fifth years. Her slightly dazed, very literal, and exceedingly illogical answers were as exasperating for the Slytherins as lemon drops were to Voldemort.

Ginny was answering questions left right and centre keeping her answers short and to the point but she kept one ear open for the conversation Harry was now having with his father and his friends.

The conversation was not going nearly as well as it should have been. Despite Harry's often ditzy nature, he did have a brain and knew better than to give away too much about the future even if they planned on doing a mass memory charm later. The charm they had in mind would block the memories of their arrival until the moment that they disappeared from their own time. From there the memories would return as they happened in the past. In other words, the fours entrance to supper on October 9th of 1977 would be remembered at the start of supper on October 9th 1997. This would not be distracting for the people in the future as it would just become a background memory until they wanted to think about it directly (A/N Did that make any sense or should I explain it again another time?).

As it was, the conversation with Harry's father had not begun well.

Harry had been talking to Bill Weasley about the necessity to change his new nickname when the young red head had been slid along the bench so as to make room for all four marauders who then surrounded Harry.

"Oi!" Harry said looking outraged. "Do you not understand the seriousness of that conversation? I'm trying to save that boy from years of traumatic childhood memories."

"Understood. But there are more important things to discuss here." Sirius said looking grave. "Namely, who on earth would stoop so low as to marry Prongs here? Who's your Mum kid?"

"Who are you calling kid?" Cried an irate Harry "If I've got my dates right, at this moment I'm currently your senior so show some respect for your elders damnit! And another thing, you can't possibly expect me to answer that question can you? As I said earlier, I'd prefer to leave dear ol' Dad to work it out for himself."

"Rats." Muttered James with a pout "Come one pal, do me a favour here. This is important information."

"Drop it James." Remus said with an eye roll. "Amazingly enough, your some actually seems to have inherited a brain from somewhere. If you found out who it was you'd probably never make enough effort to get together with said person because you'd assume it would just happen."

"See. _He_ gets it."

"Oh fine. On to more important topics, you said you did pranks."

Harry smirked. "That I did. Why? Want to pick up a few tips from the master?"

"Master? I'll have you know you are _way_ out of your depth here pal. We four," Here Sirius gestured at the others "Are the greatest pranksters Hogwarts has ever known."

"Oh please." Ginny scoffed interrupting at this point. "A few colour changing spells, sneaking out at night, and pulling some rather nasty and definitely humiliating tricks on Severus. You call that pranking? You ain't seen nothing yet."

"Ginny, did you just say 'You ain't seen nothing yet.' Cause that's got to be the most overused line in existence."

"No Harry, your thinking of 'You wanna piece of me?' Try to get your vocab right."

"Sorry Gin."

"That's okay Harry I forgive you."

"Now just a minute here," Sirius exclaim "We do heaps more than that. And besides, what's humiliating about being turned into a griffin?"

"Um is that a trick question?" Ginny shot back.

"Listen oh gentlemen of beliefs misguided, let us release ourselves of this dreary conversation and instead turn to other more cheerful matters." Here Harry smirked in a slightly evil representation of Lucius Malfoy "You can start by informing me of whom in this school is strait, who is gay, who is single, and who is taken. And from there I can narrow it down to people available to shag and people whose future spouses would crucio me if I even attempted."

Peter Pettigrew leaned over to James and murmured quietly to him "Are you sure he's your son and not Sirius'?"

"I heard that Wormtail." Harry shot back "I'll have you know that I am simply escaping expectations and enjoying everything I can about my life. You never know, I could be cruelly snatched from it in the prime of my youth and I'd like to think that everyone would have a little piece of Harry to remember me by. I can just imagine my funeral. I'd like people to remember me for my incredible stamina. Oh and if possible I'd like virgins to cry themselves to sleep over me. Yeah that would be pretty sweet."

"Sweet Merlin Potter you are such a man whore."

All six spun around to face a smirking Draco and Pansy who appeared to have dragged over a slightly nervous looking Severus.

"Snivellus." James sneered "How nice of you to bring your new friends over so that we could warn them of the distastefulness of your company before you completely contaminated them."

Sirius grinned at Harry and smirked at Severus. Eyeing them both, Harry turned to Remus.

"Are they always like this?" He asked in a slightly worried tone.

Remus nodded while swallowing down the mouthful he had just taken.

"Always." He replied "I've given up trying to stop them."

At this Pansy delicately raised her handkerchief to cover her nose as though she had smelt something bad and Draco looked mildly nauseated. While he had picked up some stories of his godfathers childhood, he had not expected this. Oh well, the pair were just childish, it could be beaten out of them. All they needed was the right motivation.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed," He commented lightly "But, although I am a Malfoy and a Slytherin, I am also a good friend of Harry's on many levels."

"Um Dray, I think the term you're looking for is 'friends with benefits'. It comes fairly close to what we have."

"Shut it Potter." Draco sniffed "Anyways… I propose a challenge."

"What sort of challenge?" Peter said cautiously, not trusting this new boy a jot. Although he was Lucius' son, Peter could sense the differences. While he had been inexplicably drawn to the power Lucius possessed, this boy just made him want to run and hide.

"A prank war." Draco replied lightly.

Ginny gasped, realising Draco's idea. It was perfect. Not only that but it sounded like fun as well. Draco glanced at her, realising she now understood and hoping she would know what to do now. She did.

"Hang on Dray." She said warily, "We can't use any spells or anything from the future or we could adjust stuff. Plus a lot of the things they will use, we will never have heard of cause there will be newer replacement spells in our time. Not to mention Harry will be sharing a dorm with them."

"Yes." Pansy said catching on. She turned to face the four marauders who were looking delighted although cautious about this new idea. "If you agree to this, then we request the option to pick a willing individual from the school body to join our team and act as another player and… I guess you'd refer to it as a guide as well. Do you accept on these terms with ground rules to be laid out shortly?"

Sirius, James and Peter all opened their mouths to accept but were interrupted by Remus.

"Just one moment here. If you pick another person then you'll outnumber us. We request permission to choose another player as well."

"Granted" Harry said, an idea forming in his mind "But if you'll take a word of advice, pick a girl. Women can be a whole lot more devious then men and can pick up on other aspects, and as we have two, we wouldn't want to feel as though we had an unfair advantage."

The other three time travellers all had to suppress grins as they realised what Harry was trying to do. Severus was trying to pry free of Draco and Pansy's grips. He didn't like the way this was going, with any pranks he was usually a target and with a prank war he didn't want to know what would happen. The four marauders all sat thinking.

There were not many girls that they communicated with enough apart from Sirius' dates that they would be willing to ask this of. There was one girl however that they all knew was more than capable of holding her own against whatever was thrown at her and although they were not always on the friendliest terms, if they asked in just the right way and kept James from being the one to approach her…

"Evans!" James yelled. Remus groaned and thumped his head on the table.

"There, there Moony," Sirius said patting him on the back "He can't possibly screw it up that bad. Or maybe he can, but we can interrupt when things look dire."

At the other end of the table a red headed girl whipped around at the sound of James voice. She crossly got up and marched towards them.

"What is it Potter?" She snapped "Finally decided to pull your head out of your arse and apologise for what you did with my camisole on the first day of term, because I'd be happy to come up with some new curses just to help you get it out."

"I like her." Pansy murmured to Draco.

"Evans," James said looking pleased with himself "We have decide to gift you with extended periods of time in my delightful company and if you play your cards right, you may just get a Hogsmeade date to go with it."

"You were saying Padfoot?" Remus inquired.

"What James means to say Evans," Sirius intercepted hurriedly "Is that we would like to offer you a place in a slight contest we have agreed to with these four esteemed time travellers."

"Uh huh… how about no. I've no interests in your petty contests Black." Lily said crossly.

"She's pretty bad tempered isn't she?" Ginny said quietly.

"And if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is." Harry said.

Pansy sighed.

"I guess it was true after all." She said mournfully.

"What was?" Lily said suspiciously.

"Well" Pansy continued "I was told that at this time, most women and girls had no courage and considered themselves beneath men. I always thought it was an exaggeration and that there must have been some strong women but if you're the best these guys could come up with, I guess I'll have to admit it to myself that women haven't always had the strength we now have in my time."

Lily's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Lupin" She said without breaking Pansy's gaze "I accept your offer."

"Ah, I think it was Padfoot and Prongs' offer." Peter corrected nervously.

"No" Lily said calmly "Their offers were degrading. I am accepting the offer Lupin would have made momentarily if Miss Parkinson hadn't goaded me."

"I definitely like her." Pansy said to Draco again.

"What just because she picked up on what you were doing? It was pretty obvious Pan." Draco replied.

"Shut it prat."

"Well, we have our team, Me, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and now Evans. Who's on yours?"

Pansy, Draco, Harry and Ginny exchanged glances before chorusing as one;

"Severus Snape."

"What!" Cried James and Severus at the same time.

"You heard us." Draco said mildly "We choose Severus on the basis that if he's as good at potions, defence spells, and sneaking around in this time as he is in the future, then he'll be perfect for our team."

"But… I…"

"Oh pipe down Severus, you'll be good at it and, if your part of a team, we'll protect you from many of the spells and whatnot sent your way." Harry said.

"Well…"

"Severus, we are not giving you a choice. Just accept it. It'll be easier in the long run."

"Well…"

"Yes?"

"Alright then."

"Yay!" Harry screamed and seemed prepared to do another victory lap but was grabbed by Remus.

"We need to set ground rules." He reminded him.

"Rule number one: targeting." Ginny said "While class pranks or school wide pranks are acceptable and often appropriate, you cannot specifically target individuals unless they are on the other team."

"Agreed." Sirius said "Rule number two: hindrance. You cannot do pranks that interfere with another persons school grades. No homework stealing for example though that would be lame anyway."

"Agreed." Draco said "Rule number three: assistance. You may ask others for help but they cannot participate directly. Like if I need equipment for something, I can ask a prefect to get it for me but they can't put it together, set it off, or act as an alibi if I'm caught by a teacher."

"On that note, rule number four: Teachers." James said "No tattling but if someone does get caught; the other team won't lie for them if questioned though the persons own team may."

"Alright, and last rule," Harry said "Visitations. We are expecting people from the future to come back and find us although due to our unusual means of transportation, they may not be able to take us back strait off, just give us items we may need like our own trunks, etcetera. If they come back, they will remember what has already happened while we are here but not what will happen. As such, they may choose to directly help either team. I think this is fair as our first visitors will probably include Remmy and Severus."

"That seems fair." Remus said cautiously.

"How will we know which people are from the future?" Peter asked, confused.

"Well Peter," James said slightly mockingly "They will be the people you don't recognise or seem only vaguely familiar."

"Oh… right."

"The winner is decided only if the other team surrenders. Do we have a deal gentlemen, madam?" Draco said formally.

"We do indeed sir" Lily replied and the pair shook hand on it.

"May the best pranksters win."

Okay much as I hate doing this cause I know how annoying I find it… reeeeeviiiieeeeew. See, I put extra vowels. For every time you review I'll read one of your stories and review it. If you don't have stories I'll give you cyber cookies.


	4. Girls and Boys

Authors Note: Well, I got two knew reviews which is something I guess (sigh). I guess my heartfelt pleas went unnoticed. Oh well. Actually I'm pleased aboutn getting two new reviews. Just to let you know there will be increasingly longer gaps between updates as I have to go back to college on Monday. Hey, heres a chance to tell you all a little about me without revealing my identity (I'm cyber paranoid). I'm sixteen, I'm in my second last year of college, ummm, I like jazz music such as Emma Pask, Nora Jones, and Joe Cuba Sextet, but I'll basically listen to anything from Blind Melon to Eminem, from The House of Love to Nelly. Er, I read Patricia Cornwell, Janet Evanovich, Katherine Kerr, Isabel Allende, and J.K Rowling and fan fiction (duh). Oh, I'm working on another story whenever I run out of ideas for this one so keep an eye out for it, though it will probably be a while before it's up.

_Parseltongue_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy.

Chapter 4

_9th October 1977_

After the meal ended Harry spoke quickly with Draco to make plans for their team to meet before breakfast the next morning in the Room of Requirement before warily following Ginny and his competition up to the Gryffindor tower. This was where the risks started. He was alone in his dormitory with people specifically out to get him, and, out numbered four to one. Now all that was needed were kamikaze tomatoes and his fate would be set (A/N don't ask). However, he was in for a surprise when he got into the dorm room.

All the marauders were already in the room when Harry arrived and after he made his way over to his bed, Remus casually walked over to close the door behind him. Harry was instantly wary. Despite his carefree attitude, he had allowed himself to be lax far too many times to make the mistake now. Remus however held up his hands in a peaceful gesture.

"Look, can we call peace for now? We just want to know a bit about you."

Harry looked at the four of them suspiciously.

"You want to call a truce before we even start?" He said slightly incredulously.

"A temporary truce sonny." James corrected in his best fatherly manner. "Look, this is fairly new to me since I haven't really gotten the hang of father-son talks yet but I want to know a little about you. We would have had this conversation before but this whole thing got slightly out of hand." Harry snorted ungracefully. "Okay very out of hand, but we promise not to hex you if you promise the same until the conversation ends."

Harry looked at him for a moment before grinning.

"Why most certainly, Daddy O'." He said brightly as Sirius sniggered in the background. "How 'bout we do this question by question, first one from all you guys, then I'll ask one."

"Why don't we try having question from each of us followed with one from you?"

"Um… no. We'll have one marauder question followed by a Harry question. That's my offer, take it or leave it."

The four looked at each other.

"Fine," James said. "We'll each take turns to ask a question with your questions interspacing them. First me cause we all know; family comes first, then Remus, then Peter, then Siri."

"Hey, how come I'm last?"

"Because Padfoot, you'll need the extra time to think up a question." Remus shot at him.

Sirius opened his mouth to object to this but closed it again.

"Good point." He said with a moderately adorable pout.

"Anyway," James interrupted them loudly "My first question is…"

"Hang on; it may be a question I can't answer because it would change things too much even with memory charms. Pick them carefully."

"Okay. My first question is… umm, how well do you know the four of us in the future? Though I guess it's obvious that you know me, what with my upcoming fatherhood status and all." He puffed out his chest proudly.

"God help the junior Potters." Remus muttered a little too loudly.

"Ah, okay, I may have to be slightly vague there." Harry said "I'll start with Sirius."

"Woo hoo."

"Shut up Padfoot."

"Well, I get on fairly well with Siri. Umm, he visits me at the school or floos me sometimes. And, ah… he's my Godfather."

"Yes! In your face Moony!"

"James, how could you?"

"Anyway, please pay attention people. Now, on towards young Peter. Ah, I saw you fairly often on a casual basis particularly in the school term until I was thirteen but then you started to travel a lot for work and now you live somewhere pretty hard to access so I no longer see you very often." Harry was quite proud of that response. He'd decided to keep an open mind about the current Peter cause he hadn't done anything wrong as of yet.

"And last but not least, Remus." Here Harry grinned at the younger version of the man he knew so well. "You I see most out of the three unrelated marauders. You live close by and you're constantly looking out for me these days. Plus, you took me to Egypt during the holidays I've just had which was totally awesome. Except for the whole rabid, evil mummy thing, plus when we accidentally opened that cursed strongbox, but I'm sure Bill will forgive you for the new tattoo on his chest he ended up with from that one. Note to self; must thank him for pushing me out of the way. Then I must hex him for loosing me the opportunity to get a cool tattoo without getting into shit for it. So either way, you're my current favourite. And before you ask, yes I would play favourites if it meant better Christmas gifts."

Peter was looking a little unsure about his description and obviously planned to question greater about it when his turn came around. Sirius was giving Remus a slightly tragic look while Remus was looking slightly smug. It was amazing that a slight praise from a boy they'd just met and had already declared war on could mean so much to them.

"Okay then." said James who appeared to have taken charge of their evening discussion "I believe it to be your turn to question junior Pottster."

"Oh my dear, sweet Merlin! Not you as well father of mine!" Harry cried. He sighed mournfully. "Anyways, my question, who are y'all dating at this current time?"

"Er, why?"

"So I know who's on the market, duh. And no answering questions with questions."

"But you answered my question anyway."

"That's beside the point."

Sick of the niggling, Peter took it upon himself to answer.

"James is dating no one at this current moment but he has his eye on Lily Evans so I wouldn't recommend going after her." Harry successfully repressed a shudder at the notion "I am in a tentative relationship with Julie Parks in Hufflepuff but I don't know how far that will go. I'm just guessing here but going on your question in the hall, I don't think either Julie or Evans is really your type." Harry inclined his head in a mock serious manner "Remus was dating Alice Robinson but they broke up at the end of our sixth year because she was in seventh. I think she's with Frank Longbottom now; he was two years above her. Ah, you haven't been seeing anyone since then have you Moony? I didn't think so. And, finally, unless Sirius has reformed, I'd imagine you realise that he has had more one night stands then any known man but no, he would not pull any of those of your list. If you had a list. Do you have a list? If I were like you I'd have a list. Maybe…"

"Wormtail, you're babbling." Remus said gently before the younger boy could hyperventilate over the amount of information he had voluntarily put forth.

"Actually," Harry said putting on a poker face "Sirius has reformed. He's a librarian now, and he's been happily married to his cousin Bellatrix for eighteen years and now has six kids."

Peter and James both choked at that point as Sirius fell sideways off his chair. Remus looked at Harry for a moment before cracking up.

"I… really like… this… kid." He choked out.

"Damnit kiddo, that wasn't funny!" Sirius shouted "Besides, it was totally bogue man, no one would believe I would fall for something that heinous. Never mind that that thing is actually related to me."

"Of… course… Sirius. You just keep telling yourself that." Harry said in a falsely sceptical voice.

"My question," Remus cut in, regaining his breath "Is not very complicated. What names do you know us by?"

"James I know as Dad for obvious reasons. You are just Remus or Moony on the very odd occasion, Peter is Wormtail, and Sirius has only ever been known to me as Sirius and Snuffles."

"SNUFFLES?" Sirius said in shock. "Who the bloody hell came up with Snuffles?"

The other three marauders were all laughing again.

"You did actually." Harry said mildly with an innocent look "I've always thought it rather suited you. I mean, think about me. Snuffles are kind of sweet especially with the very young, though they can be rather annoying and can certainly grate on peoples nerves. What's the matter, you don't like it?"

Harry's bottom lip trembled as he turned his puppy dog eyes onto Sirius. By now the other three were clutching their sides as they did their best to remain in their seats.

"Oh don't you even think about using that look on me mister! I invented that look. If you research it it's officially trade marked as the Sirius Black Look of Utter Desolation."

"Well fine then, there's no reason to get angsty." Harry said with a superior look borrowed strait from Narcissa Malfoy. "And anyway, it's my turn to ask a question."

Harry sat back in his chair pondering while his father, Remus, and Peter tried unsuccessfully to climb back into a sitting position. They were hindered due to the fact that they kept looking at Sirius who was sulking in his chair muttering something about lawyers and patency. Harry was fairly pleased by this discussion so far. He had not had any questions given that were particularly difficult to answer, plus, he was betting that the next few questions he received would give him plenty of opportunity to show off which is always important to seventeen year olds. He decided since he already knew these peoples personalities and family backgrounds, he would ask questions to further his knowledge of his parents' lives, and to give him a slight advantage in the coming war.

"Alrighty then oh prankers of students unwary, I have my second question. What was the reason and scenario behind the creation of the Marauders Map?"

The marauders all smiled proudly, remembering one of the finest of their many great achievements. It was James who answered Harry finally and he did so in a rather boastful tone. But then, every teenager should get his fun, so why shouldn't James be allowed his entertainment?

"Well, we came up with the idea in our first year but at the time it was just rough hand drawn lines on a paper with labels about hidden passage ways. In third year after Remus finally revealed his lycanthropy, we cast a ricordiamo spell on a large piece of paper so that if we carried it with us anywhere in Hogwarts, the place would be mapped and the people coming and going would be documented on it. The catch is you have to say the spell each time you wish to add new stuff plus the person who casts it must keep the map in their hand because as soon as the persons loses contact with it, it stops… well I guess 'recording' is the right word for what it does. Unfortunately, Filch caught us with it last year and saw it as it was wiping itself blank upon leaving Sirius' hand and thus rightly assumed it was one of our pranking tools and has had it confiscated ever since."

"It's Peter's turn to ask." Sirius chirped having recovered from his nickname induced sulk.

"Ah, since it was confiscated, how do you know about the Marauders Map? Did we tell you or did you find out another way?"

"After you four leave school, you must understand that you left the role of school pranksters conspicuously empty. Many have vied to fill it, but until my group, none have done so as well as the two I'll tell you of now. They were pranksters from the get go. With unmatched inventing skills, they also ran a profitable underground business. The day they left Hogwarts, they turned the entrance hall into a swamp and flew out on broom sticks. They now run a joke shop on Diagon Alley." Harry said in a slightly reminiscent manner.

"Sounds amazing." Sirius and James chorused dreamily.

Harry gave them a slightly wicked grin.

"They are good looking too." He smirked "It's an added bonus that one of them happens to be gay. Boy I've had some good times with him. Anyway, they discovered your map in Filch's office and made good use of it. They gave it to me in my third year when I didn't have a permission note to go to Hogsmeade. Neither they, nor I could ever figure out which spell you used to record new rooms and whatnot on the map however, and believe me we did try. You guys missed out whole chunks of the castle and we've been aching to add them on. Thanks for telling me. I have it in my pocket now so I'll be able to use it while I'm here."

The marauders all scowled at this slight nudge but shrugged it off. No one could have expected them to get everything now could they? Feeling slightly impatient, Sirius asked his question which was one both James and Peter wished they'd thought of before. Remus had probably thought of it but would never have asked it of Harry directly.

"Why do you get on so well with Slytherins like the Malfoy and Parkinson and now Snape? I can hardly see James teaching you that."

Harry scowled. He had been expecting such a question but was startled by the reminder of how pigheaded his father and his friends could be when they so chose.

"I get along with them because they are intelligent, amusing, and often fairly nice. They are also usually very, very cunning and manipulative with a slightly mean streak which makes them excellent members of my pranking team. We chose Snape because the man is a potions genius and since I'm an ace at DADA, Gin rocks at Charms, Draco is first-rate in Transfiguration, and Pansy's talents lie in Herbology and COMC, he was the perfect addition to the group. We also thought this was a perfect opportunity for him to gain some more strength and get some back at you four for the trouble you've caused him over the years, with the advantage of safety in numbers." Here he glared at the four as if daring them to object "Slytherins as a whole are not evil. They are traditionalists with a snake affinity. There is a difference."

"But snakes are disgusting and evil." Peter said and the others, even Remus, nodded in agreement.

"You know, considering you share your room with a werewolf, you should know better then to have prejudices. And you should be careful about your choice of words when discussing snakes." He glanced around at them "_You never know who you could offend._"

With that Harry changed into night clothes with a flick of his wand and hopped into bed, casting two way silencing charms and an unbreakable barrier around his bed before drawing the curtains around the bed, leaving four shaken, gaping marauders staring at the four-poster before them.

Authors Note: Thanks to those who reviewed. Cyber cookies are still on the market. Just so y'all know, I will be returning to college again on Monday and will thus have less time. Now you have two options. Either you can have regular updates of short chapters (1500 words I'm guessing but don't hold me to that), or you can wait for longer periods and have extended chapters (5000 )

Its up to you guys, I'm fine either way. Sorry this chapter took slightly longer, I got distracted.

I am also trying to decide if I should have Harry continue as a gay Casanova, or if I should have him pick one person to chase after. Remember, I can have future people stop by to visit so they are still around as potentials.

**Next Chapter:**

The meetings and plots of the two teams. (I've already written it)

"Reality continues to ruin my life." - Calvin and Hobbes

Remember to smile. :)


	5. Madness is all in the mind

Authors Note: Yay! I doubled my reviews. How cool is that? Cyber cookies all around! (Mental happy dance) I just drank four glasses of red cordial and ate a bar of Cadbury chocolate! Can you tell? I think the clue is in the exclamation marks! So I am going to use my authors note to thank people. Firstly, thanks to **Lord Sauron the Deciever** for adding me to their C2 Harry Takes Control. That is a big complement to me, my story, my writing, and my cat. Secondly, thanks to **Alanna's modern day twin** who added Replay to their favorites. This was done a while ago, but I keep forgetting to say thanks. Red cordial improves your memory people, drink it up! And of course to all six reviewers (see below for replies to latest three). Well, this is half of what was to be chapter five. The other half needed work and apparently you can't concentrate after drinking so much cordial (bounces). So here is half. Expect the other half in the next few days unless I'm forced to actually _work_ on actual graded stuff. BTW, I have been giving a creative writing piece to write up during the next few weeks that has to be humorous and fit into the crime genre. So maybe I'll add a few mysteries in this story for practice. My other story is going well and should have the first chapter up soon (the first chapter is long). Yay! Here's the review replies cause I couldn't be bothered replying privately (I'm lazy), the italic thingy that shows parseltongue is written that way (is that really necessary?), and the disclaimer, and the centered title that shows you morons who can't tell that this is chapter five, and then, THE STORY! Yay, go cordial!

**Review Replies**

**starburst5509- **you are the first reviewer for this chapter. Have a cyber cookie. Your name is fun. I like cordial. The chapters are regular and short at this stage. Just cause you said so. Don't you feel powerful now?

**Fireyhell**- No. Sorry, I just don't have time. Thanks for the compliment. You are a good chapter too.

**Black-Nyx**- OMG! You are my new favorite person. Peoples, you should all bow down to Black-Nyx as they are the most awesome reviewer in the universe. Check out the length of that review people! Thank you for thinking it is hilarious. It's hard to know because I have never been able to laugh at my own jokes. I agree about Peter and I hate when people make Harry nasty to him. The poor kid is really vulnerable at this stage and I can just see him joining Voldemort simply because Harry separates him from his friends which would be very ironic cause then Harry would feel guilty and blame himself for his father and mothers deaths. Don't worry; Draco was never on my list because it's way too common (although I do enjoy those stories). That is why I took him out of the running at the start by having them already having explored that possibility. Mind you, if Harry gets bored, he may make a good distraction at a later date. I will keep what you said about Sev in mind, though he will feature prominently in the story. He will probably be strait though. Most characters will be strait. I can't stand it when authors make everyone gay. What are we girls supposed to do? About the Authors Notes: (shrugs sheepishly) I put them there because I felt like it and wasn't thinking very hard about it. I've taken them out of this chapter. There, you go, you gave me a long review, I gave you a long reply.

_Parseltongue_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova.

**Chapter 5** (It's bold because it's cool)

_10th October 1977_

"What the bloody heck is going on?" was the first question to burst out of Severus after Harry had cast silencing spells on the room of requirement. It was five thirty in the morning and they had all snuck out of their respective dormitories to meet here through Draco had simply dragged Severus with little explanation. He had also failed to give an explanation the night before about their reason for forcing his involvement thus leading to the current situation.

"Why Severus darling, we have no idea what you are talking about." A wide eyed Pansy explained.

Severus looked at her suspiciously. As far as he knew it was physically impossible for a person to open their eyes that wide before ten AM and that alone was creeping him out a little. He shook of his worries however and continued to address the group.

"What do you think I'm talking about? I have just been forced by two Gryffindors and two rather questionable Slytherins to participate in a prank war that I have no liking for, nor any talent in, against James Potter of all people. As far as I'm concerned I was enough of a target for him as it was without you lot giving him yet another reason. Are you trying to get me blown up?"

"Of course not. We have several much more productive reasons for doing what we did." Draco began "Firstly, you do have talents. You are excellent at potions and Ginny informs me that she noticed last night that all of the marauders scan their food for jinxes and hexes but not potions, plus Harry is very good with house-elves and could probably encourage them to put a few additives in people's meals. You're also very good at avoiding or directing attention depending on what you want. Secondly, they were going to target you no matter what you did so all we've done is redirect some focus and give you a little protection from them. We are now of equal sized groups so they will be a little more wary of approaching. Thirdly, we figured you'd appreciate the chance to get some of your own back after the way they've been treating you over the years. Now, we have given you the means and opportunity to do so. So, do you have any other issues you wish to bring up?"

Severus pondered this for a moment. The Malfoy had brought across some valid points. It would be kind of fun to embarrass James in his own element, particularly since he would be assisted by the Gryffindor's future son.

"No I have no further issues." He finally said, albeit a bit grudgingly. He couldn't risk ruining his reputation after all.

"Brilliant! Absolutely and utterly brilliant." Harry exclaimed "Now, it is very important that we form a decisive plan of action."

"No shit Sherlock." Ginny drawled "Great stating of the obvious there. While you're at it would you like to inform us all of the dangers of smoking?"

Ginny, like her father, was very interested in muggle artifacts, though, unlike her father, she was relatively good at discovering their true use and the methods behind them.

"Well," Harry started "I could, but the one you here most often in the muggle world is that smoking kills and that's not necessarily true. I mean, you could be a smoker and get hit by a bus. Of course, you could be hit by the bus because you were lighting a cigarette and were not looking where you where going and then you stepped onto the road and BAMMM!"

"Oh I know!" Pansy gushed dramatically "My favorite is the warning on cigarette packets 'Your smoking could harm others' cause I mean, if you are a smoker and you don't care that it is damaging your own health, why the fuck would you care about anyone else."

"Pansy," Draco said calmly "Please remember you are a Slytherin. You are not supposed to know what the warning labels on a muggle device say; you're supposed to remain aloof."

"Oh I'm sorry Draco, I understand now. I won't make that mistake again."

Severus stared at the people around him whose company he had unwittingly fallen into.

"Who are you people?" He shouted.

"We are ourselves Severus, can't you tell?" Harry said bouncing up and down in excitement "And now… we get to plan! Isn't this fun?"

"Harry, why are you bouncing?" Ginny questioned.

"I'm a tad freaked out oh companions of backgrounds unsavory. My dad knows I'm a parselmouth and I didn't stay awake long enough to see his reaction to this rather surprising news."

"You're a parselmouth?" Severus asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Er, I believe that's what he just said." Ginny shot at him "Don't worry Harry, from what I've heard he'll be too worried trying to figure out if that will give you much of an advantage in this contest to realize what exactly you've admitted to being."

Harry smiled a little as he slowed his bouncing.

"Thanks Gin." He said softly.

"Enough of this drivel!" Draco burst out suddenly "Let's work on our plans. I have the perfect idea for their lunch break."

With that comment, all side issues were forgotten and the five gathered around and animatedly began bouncing their ideas off of one another. Several relatively evil laughs filled the room on several occasions with enough strength that they would have frightened Peeves if he had been around to hear it. As it was, he was too busy battling it out with Mrs. Norris in the astronomy tower to realize, though an imperceptible shiver did travel down his spine at one point, though it could have been the result of hearing Mrs. Norris' claws scraping on the slate floor accompanied by her yowls of anger directed venomously towards the poltergeist.

Dear Individuals who have added this story to their alerts list,

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! If you do not review, I will track you down… and bribe you. I'm warning you, I have cyber cookies and red cordial and I'm not afraid to use them!

With love,

Semmy

Okay, I doubled my reviews this time so let's see if I can do it again. That means I'm hoping for a new total of twelve. Pleeeeeaaaasssee (uses puppy eyes on unwitting readers who instantly aaaww and click the review button).

I before E **except** after C. Remember that when choosing your ffnet names.


	6. Buy Me a Pony

Authors Note: Okay… um, I have to begin by solemnly swearing never to touch the red cordial again. It was just so tempting, so easy, so wrong (sobs). Anyways, a big shout out to Black-Nyx for being the most awesome person in the history of the world. Black-Nyx has reviewed two times (both really, really long reviews), added this to story alert, and favorites. Black-Nyx is my god. Learn from their example readers. Alright now I have to apologize for the length of chapter five. It was originally twice as long but the second half needed editing (cause I screwed it up) and somehow I woke up on Tuesday morning and realized that I had put the first half of the chapter up at some point during the day before. I'm not quite sure how or why, it's all a cordial induced haze. So this chapter will be still officially called chapter six but in truth it's the second half of chapter five (plus all of chapter six because I'm on a roll here people). Also, college is hard. It takes up a lot of time (although not that much as of yet) and I repeat that it will be harder for me to write fan fiction over the next nine weeks. Then it will be easy because here in "de land of Aus" we college students get a fourteen week Christmas break. So yeah, that will be fun. Plus I can laugh at my younger brother who only gets six weeks. Lastly I would like to recommend you all read "A Past Experience" by Freedom isn't Free. "Why?" you all ask. Well, the real reason is because it is a brilliant story that inspired me to write this one (although mine is very different), but really I'm just suggesting it because she dedicated a chapter to me. ME! How cool is that! So if you do all listen to me and go read this story (which you should), keep an eye out for chapter 11 because that is MY chapter. MINE ALL MINE! Also, if you read Janet Evanovich fan fiction, read my little sisters story Twinness. Its funny and I promise she is updating soon. Okay, I think this is my longest Authors Note yet, so on with the other stuff.

-

**Review Replies**

**Black-Nyx**- Oh why thank you for thanking me for the awesome reply. Aaaaww, you have to get up early as well. I have to get up at 5:30 AM to get everything ready each morning. I was rather confused that you said it was 7:27 AM because I got your review at 10:42 PM but then I realized the time difference thingy (duh). So now I'm trying to figure out where you're writing from. I don't think its America because Sluggy Freelance say's they update at 9:00 AM and that changes here at about 2:00 PM roughly, so yeah. Ah, I'll try to remember capitals (I need a beta) and all that.

**Fireyhell**- Of course you can, like I tell, people, I'm good friends with the cyber cookie fairy and get free samples on a regular basis.

_Parseltongue_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla.

-

Chapter 6

10th October 1977

"I'm telling you Padfoot, it's an unfair advantage. The kid will use it against us, who knows what kinds of places you can access with that ability, not to mention, he can get every snake in the Forbidden Forest on his side. Arrgh! I can't believe Moony didn't add limits like that to the rules."

"Oh come one Prongs, why would it have been my responsibility? And anyway, how could I have known the little dude was a parselmouth?" Remus said crossly.

"Well…" James paused momentarily to think "You should have used your super moony powers to sense it on him!" He exclaimed triumphantly.

Sirius fell of his chair. The marauders tended to do that a lot. It was kind of their 'thing', although they didn't tell anyone that because it wasn't the best 'thing' to have. They could just imagine if everyone knew then to prove their marauder status they would have to fall off their chairs several times a day and it actually kind of hurts. So as it was, their public 'thing' was pranks. That is why they were the greatest pranksters of all time rather then the greatest falling-off-of-chairsters of all time.

They were all currently sitting in chairs around one of the desks on the far end of the room. The curtains on the newer Potter's bed were still drawn but they had cast several high strength industrialized silencing charms around it to be certain he wouldn't wake up and hear anything he wasn't supposed to. And before you ask, yes there are such things as industrialized silencing charms. Although that is someone else's 'thing'.

They really needn't have bothered though because it was already almost seven and Harry had left a while ago while they were still asleep. Of course they did not realize this because Harry is a very good sneakerouterer.

"Um, guys?" Peter said "I hate to interrupt your fascinating discussion but could we hurry up and have our planning session before Harry wakes up? It's a little disconcerting having to sit here worrying."

"Oh I'm sorry Peter, I did not realize we were straining your nerves. I promise I'll do better next time. Just please give me another shot!" Sirius pleaded getting up again just as James fell of his perch on the edge of the desk.

"Look, I spent some time thinking about this last night, taking into account our new knowledge of Harry's linguistic abilities, and I have several ideas." Remus began ignoring James as he pulled on the werewolf's robes as he struggled to get up. "I think we should start with some relatively simple plans just to get a feel for their abilities and where their weaknesses lie. Beginning with a few word jumbling jinxes, some colour enhances and some well located invisibility spells or anything along those lines."

"Sounds good." Peter said just as James managed to get up, dislodging Remus from his seat in the process. "But they have Snivellus on their team now and we know his weaknesses. Shouldn't we start out with a bit of a bang with him?"

"Yeah, if we get him big time after a few smaller ones on the newbies it may startle them a little and cause them to falter. They would interpret it as foreshadowing for things to come."

"But I think they may be prepared for that already," A slightly disgruntled Remus cautioned as he retook his seat "I mean they must realize we target him, or rather you target him, a lot or they wouldn't have added him to their team. They've probably got him well guarded."

"They may not realize actually, it may just be that he was the first non marauder senior student they met."

"I think they have just a smidgen more experience then that Padfoot, they wouldn't just choose out of convenience."

"You may be right Remy, but they probably haven't had time to go through all his weakest points and get them covered. If we strike now while the proverbial iron is hot, we may just get some good shots in." James countered.

Remus looked around at his friends who all seemed to be in agreement about this. He realized he would have to back down.

"Oh all right." He sighed "But the pranks are clever rather than humiliating, and we plan it out properly. Oh, and I'm not the one to cast any of the big ones on Snape. I don't want to be at the receiving end of anything they've cooked up as a defense before we've even been in this thing for twenty four hours."

"Oh sure Moony, count yourself expunged from the Snivellus force." James said cheerfully "So are we all in agreement?"

Remus nodded and saluted towards the wall. Sirius did some weird hand gesture that he'd probably picked up from the Billster. Peter fell out of his chair.

"Hey guy's what's up?" Harry said walking in the door looking far to awake for someone who could not possibly have gone to breakfast yet.

All four marauders did a slight double take at the sight of him before realizing that he could not have heard them from the door as Remus had cast an overall silencing charm at the last minute. But then, extendable ears can be mighty useful as Harry could have told them.

"Oh nothing much." James drawled doing his best to look nonchalant without whistling as that would be too corny. "What have you been doing?"

"The same thing we do every night Pinky, take over the world." Harry replied with an evil cackle. "Just exploring really. I get up early anyway for Quidditch and it's a hard habit to break."

"Oh you play quidditch?" Peter said "So do James and Sirius. Pity they've already filled all the vacancies on the team or you could try out."

"Nah, I wouldn't want to anyway. Although, maybe if I could get some other players from our time, we could have a match some time."

"Sound fun." Remus said sarcastically "But it's breakfast time now. You coming down with us Harry?"

"No thanks I've already eaten. Although actually, I think will come down to the Great Hall, if just to socialize and pick up my time table."

"Ah, okay then." Sirius said from over near his bed where he was collecting his books "When did you eat? They don't put the food out until seven."

"Oh I picked something up earlier." Harry called out casually as he made his way over to the bathroom, wandlessly conjuring a tooth brush and face cloth to follow him, although only Remus seemed to spot this. The lycanthrope stared after the powerful young man.

"We are soooo dead." He mouthed silently to himself.

- - - - -

The marauders all sat rather cautiously at in their seats at the Gryffindor table, fear evident in their eyes. Four members of their opposition were all sitting calmly in their various positions around the hall talking to their neighbors (although none of them were eating as Remus pointed out to the others while he kept an eye out for Lily), but one person was not.

Ginny Weasley, they had all decided, was the scariest individual they had ever encountered. She was sitting between a small third year called Emily Blenkin, and the Billster. She was not conversing with anyone, despite repeated efforts from those around to include her. Instead she was staring avidly at the marauders with a large notebook in her hand. Every time one of them so much as moved she would instantly scribble something down before grinning triumphantly as though she had discovered the key to life on earth. Several Gryffindors, and Hufflepuffs, including Sirius had tried to see what she was writing but every time anyone did she would clutch the notebook to her chest and pin the offending individual with a death glare strong enough to inspire fear in the hearts of any well balanced dementor. At one point she did show it to her future older brother who laughed evilly and turned to whisper something to the first year next to him.

After the return of a quaking Sirius, the marauders decided to save their new prank planed until lunch time. This was lucky as Lily Evans would have been very pissed to know they'd started without her after all the effort they'd gone to so as to get her involved. As it was, a rather cheerful Lily who was completely oblivious to the actions around her plonked herself down between Remus and Peter.

"Good morning friendly infamous freaks!" She exclaimed "Now what nefarious plots have you Neanderthals concocted in my absence?"

"Ah, perhaps this isn't the best place to discuss them Evans," James said in a slightly strained voice "As it appears 007 there has us under observation."

A still smiling Lily glanced around and caught sight of Ginny, who instantly beamed and scribbled excitedly on her note pad. The smile froze on Lily's face.

"Potter," she ground out, trying not to move her lips "That girl, is scary."

"That's what we've been trying to tell you." He exclaimed.

"Look, there's a small room next to the transfiguration classroom that has complete silencing spells and the door seals and locks completely from the inside so it's impenetrable. How about we all go up there and fill Lily in on the details so far, plus she can add some more. Seventh years have transfiguration or COMC next anyway and Professor Kettleburn won't mind if Peter and Lily are late for that." Remus interrupted, trying to head off the impending argument.

"Fine" Lily pouted and, after grabbing two slices of toast, got up to lead the way out.

"Damn," Harry murmured from the opposite end of the table, pulling in his extendable ear. He had never been so grateful with Fred and George for insisting he carried a basic kit with him wherever he went. After the other five had left he got up and made his way towards Ginny. "What do you have oh commander of forces furtive?" He questioned, sitting down beside her.

"Not much." She replied, showing him her work.

Harry looked at the page in front of him.

Harry once dyed his hair green… I like pie… I want pie… If Draco doesn't cut down on the caramel he will get love handles… My hair is looking much better after I spent two hours treating it last night… Lily Evans is not very good at dorm room interrogations… Apple pie and ketchup do not go well together… Buy me a pony… She sells sea shells by the sea shore… Why oh why did I agree to be the one to do this… Oh year, because I'm good at the scary look… I do not like green eggs and ham… I do not like them Sam I Am…

This continued across three pages. All the first years, having heard from the Billster what was going on, were all grinning at Harry from their seats. Looking at them, Harry felt an idea forming in his head.

"Hey guys, how would you like some prankster training?" He questioned lightly "I know of five unwary fools you could practice on."

"Sounds sweet." The Billster answered for the others "When and where do we start training?"

"How about right now over near the transfiguration classroom?" Harry replied innocently.

"Have fun storming the castle fellas." Ginny called out distractedly without looking up from her notes as Harry led his troops into battle.

"What are they up to now?" Pansy questioned having been sent over by Draco and Severus.

"Crashing a party." Ginny responded

Pansy understood and ran back to the Slytherin table to where Draco and Severus had now grouped together. She said something to them and moments later every Hufflepuff in the vicinity shivered as evil laughs were heard clearly over the usual ruckus.

- - - - -

"Okay, so we are all in agreement about the lunch time plans?" Sirius queried, and the others, including Remus all nodded. Lily had added some changes to their plan and now, they were certain it was perfect.

The five students began to gather their gear together and prepared to head to their classes. James casually went over to Lily.

"Hey Evans," She turned to acknowledge him "Those were really wonderful ideas. You're fairly good at this."

"Well one cant be at the receiving end of as many marauder pranks as I have and not pick up a few things." She replied with a smile.

Across the room Sirius rolled his eyes at Peter.

"She smiled," He whispered "Now he'll never shut up about her."

"Yes, well, sorry about all that." James looked a little uncomfortable "Tell, you what, how about you let me buy you a butterbear next Hogsmeade weekend to make up for it?"

Lily started to reply but then paused.

"Do you hear something?"

All five were silent for a moment and they all heard the next muffled thud.

"Yeah," Sirius replied "That shouldn't be possible, this room was built to have a complete two way block. Nothing should be audible from out there."

The next thud was slightly louder and the door shook slightly.

"What on earth…"

_Boom_.

"Is going on…"

_Boom_.

"Out there?"

A momentary silence before _crash_ the door splintered open as a large pumpkin flew in and splattered about two meters to the left of James and Lily. From outside they heard a loud voice directing.

"Nice technique and strength Billster but make sure you aim carefully. Now, backup force, step around to my right, and… frontal attack, ready, aim… FIRE!"

With this shout a wave of tomatoes flew in the door. These were no ordinary tomatoes however, they were kamikaze tomatoes, design to seek out their targets and use any means necessary to meet their goal.

"Arrgh gross!" Lily shouted as two hit her in the back of the head. She whacked James hard on the shoulder with her satchel.

"Why are you hitting me?" James yelled wincing as two tomatoes hit him in the back of the knees almost bringing him to the ground.

"Because he's your son and you probably taught him everything he knows!"

"Nah, it's all Harry sweetheart." Came a reply from outside "Now, frontal, get ready, aim, FIRE!"

This time the marauders were ready and had cast shield charms. They began to move forward knowing the best defense is a good offence.

"First wave, retreat but keep shooting, back up forces, prepare!"

The marauders and Lily all began shooting out spells at the now visible Gryffindor first years. Several hit and they began to sprout abnormalities. The Billster for example now sported tentacles from his armpits, though he didn't seem to care. Maybe because he knew they would disappear in twenty minutes. The marauders seemed reluctant to use permanent spells on ickle firsties from their own house. It was then that they saw Harry.

Dressed in bright purple robes, similar to those worn by Dumbledore, he was standing amidst five eleven year old girls who apparently were the backup with a huge grin on his face. In his hand was a large overripe grapefruit. The back up team was holding straws with handfuls of frozen peas.

"Back up team… ATTACK!" Harry screamed and the marauders all ducked as their shield charms gave way to hard frozen peas, all well aimed to hit the areas most likely to bruise.

Harry waved at his father and launched the grapefruit which splattered strait in the other Potter's face.

"First blood to the future dudes." He cried out and the first years cheered but kept up their attack.

Peter and Lily sprinted down the hall and Remus, Sirius and James fought their way into the transfiguration classroom, slamming and locking the door behind them. There was silence for a moment before loud knocking could be heard. They ignored it but after two minutes it simply got louder.

"Piss off you little runts!" Sirius screamed. There was silence before;

"Mister Black, Mister Lupin and Mister Potter, while I appreciate your enthusiasm for my class would you mind letting me in to teach it?"

The three boys looked at each other before turning back to the door.

"Oh fu…"

- - - - -

Okay, so there's my first prank in the war. Did you all like it? My sister read the Ginny Weasley part and thought it was good. Let me know please. Um, the fifth chapter would have ended with the "We are so dead" comment. Extra cyber cookies for people who know where I'm getting my chapter names (not just what, but who as well). My other story will probably go up before the next chapter of this one (_probably_), so please have a look at it and tell me what you think. It's a manipulative Dumbledore story, Harry walks out on the war and starts his own side. There is no pairing at this stage except that I can promise it's not HarryGinny. Again, my sister finds it amusing so hopefully she is a good judge.


	7. Sweet Revenge

Authors Note: Whoot! 11! Double digits! How cool is that? This is a short authors note and a short chapter.

**Review Replies**

**Amarthiel**- (Grins) Glad you liked it. We did that to one of my friends once (She didn't speak to us for 3 days afterwards)

**Black-Nyx**- ALASKA! Don't worry; while your story alert is down, my review system is down so I don't hear via email if I have a review and thus I have to go through stats. Anyways… I think super moony powers would be the most awesome thing in the world to possess, and I can't see Remus just coming right out and saying parselmouth in that context. Yes. I thought it was weird the first time someone said that to me too but then I remembered the show. NOOOOO! You shouldn't have just said it was funny! I like descriptions. That is why you are still my God! I live and die for your reviews. By the way, since you didn't give me any advice this time I'm going to assume it was _absolutely perfect_. YAY! Thanks again for faithfully reviewing.

**serafina pekala**- I can still read that type but unless the plot is really good I usually get bored after a few chapters. I thought I'd write one the way I would like to have read it.

_Parseltongue_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain.

Chapter 7

10th October 1977

"Detention!"

James, Sirius and Remus all sighed with relief. This would not have been their usual reaction to receiving a detention but this was the finale of a twelve minute scolding witnessed by the entire seventh year transfiguration class including Harry, Draco, and Severus (the girls were in COMC). There was humiliation, and then there was humiliation.

And following humiliation, as Severus could have told them, comes revenge.

Harry was not the only Potter with the ability to befriend any number of house-elves with little difficulty and, in their free time before lunch, the marauders and Lily made use of these connections. They were fairly certain that all four time travelers and probably Severus by now would have all round shields up defending them from unfriendly spells, and other problematic attacks. Thus they made use of some potions they had "borrowed" a short while back that temporarily lowered the strength of long term spell casts. From there a simple, whispered _reducto_ would drop the shields entirely leaving them open for attack.

It was Lily who drifted casually around the hall and cast the spell on all five before returning to her seat with none the wiser of her actions. The home team had stuck with Remus' idea of using lower levels for now but, after the transfiguration fiasco, they felt they were entitled to a slightly stronger attack, just to show off slightly. Their reputations would suffer with anything less for by now the whole school knew about the earlier events.

And so it was that several minutes later, the first spell began to take effect. It began with Harry and Ginny, simply because they were closer, and had probably played a major role in earning the first years co-operation.

"Mister Harry, ah what are you doing?" The Billster was the first to notice anything suspicious when Harry began using the palm of his hand to scoop up the mashed potatoes in the bowl in front of him.

"Eating." Harry said giving the boy a funny look as Ginny turned to stare at him. He picked up the closest jug of pumpkin juice and raised it to his lips.

"And Harry begins to drink, one gulp, two gulps, three, and he's putting it down again and heading for the gravy, he scoops it up and lifts it to his plate, oh no it's dribbling! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! And he's got it there, nice play work Harry."

All the surrounding Gryffindors began to slow their conversations and stare as Harry continued to act like a slob and Ginny gave a play-by-play of his every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. Slowly, all conversations throughout the hall ceased.

"And he's finish eating, yes! He's getting up! He's on the home stretch now, and he's walking towards the doors and Ooooh! He goes down, a clear trip from Sirius Black. Ouch that's got to have hurt. And he's up again and heading for the Slytherin tables, but what's this? Draco Malfoy has risen to great him, but NO! He's climbed on top of the table and appears to be imitating an eagle through interpretive dance! This isn't something you see every day fellas."

By now, much of the school was either still sitting in stunned silence or in hysterics. Pansy and Severus were sitting rather nervously with their wands drawn, knowing they were next. Unfortunately for them, Peter and Lily had now crawled to their table during the distractions and neither Slytherin heard the whispered _dimentichi_ and _spazzoli_ from beneath the table.

"And Severus Snape has pocketed his wand and appears to be delving into Pansy Parkinson's bag. Surprisingly she doesn't appear to have noticed yet. What's he looking for in there? Ah, he's got it now, and he has… a hairbrush. And he's released his clasp and is combing through his hair. It's a wonder the brush hasn't caught on the grease yet."

As this was happening, Harry had crawled across the Slytherin table and fisted a handful of sticky date pudding strait out of the pot. He wandered back over to the Gryffindor table and sat down, munching on his new acquisition. As he finished it, he wiped his hands on his robe and looked around at the laughing Gryffindors.

"What?" he asked before hearing a scream from the Slytherin table and turning around to gaze horror struck at the scene before him.

It was Pansy who had screamed and she was now slowly standing up, staring at her own hands in absolute horror.

"Oh sweet Merlin! I- I don't remember who I AM!" She cried out "Oh the humanity! The torture, the suffering. Oh wait, I- I think I remember a name. Rita Skeeter! My name is Rita Skeeter."

"And Pansy Parkinson seems to have another case of mistaken identity. Oh and will you look at Draco Malfoy, he appears to be trying to take flight, and oh my, he's succeeded."

"Wheeeeeeeee! Eagle!" Draco screamed as he soared around the room flapping his arms with extraordinary speed.

Harry, having recovered from both the spell and his shock at his compatriots' actions now jumped up and began casting counter curses. First, he got Ginny who blinked, cleared her throat, and then screamed louder then her mother could have ever hoped for. She turned and began yelling insults at the marauders and the returned Lily and Peter. Harry then hit Severus who was more used to this and just pulled his hair back and began trying memory spells on Pansy. Once, that had worked, the pair began assisting Harry in lowering Draco who had now recovered his sense of being and was shaking rather violently as he tried to slow his unwilling flight.

They eventually got him down amidst laughter from the surrounding students.

- - - - -

The one good thing about the events of lunch was that the teachers did not give out any detentions as it was clearly not the fault of any of the five students fault. As it was, however, said five students decided to try some smaller trick throughout the day.

On his way to defense classes, Remus Lupin suddenly realized that James Potters shirt now had "My what big ears you have Remus!" written across the front in bright pink, while Remus' own said "All the better to hear you with my dear."

In retaliation, during defense, Ginny's shirt buttons began to sing the batman theme incessantly until the fed up teacher made her leave to see Flitwick to get it fixed. As the bell rang to signal the lessons end, Lily Evans reached for her school bag only to have it turn into a giant pumpkin with "As the clock struck twelve" written on it. She then gave a shriek as all her clothing turned to rags. Draco began screaming out his love for Professor Kettleburn in the corridors and lost five house points from Professor McGonagall for being crude.

Severus Snape was ambushed on his way to potions but with shields back up, the spell they cast rebound and Sirius Black showed up for Potions, trying to balance with his feet where his hands should have been and his hands where his feet should have been. He lost twenty points and was sent to the hospital wing.

These actions continued until that evening in the great hall, by which time they were all too exhausted to disturb anyone's meal. This was lucky as the teachers were beginning to doubt the students could take anymore excitement. As it turned out, they could.

The meal had almost ended when there came a loud bang from out in the entrance hall. All the students and teachers quickly got up and rushed out to see what was happening.

As they got there, they could see a figure rising to its feet amidst a cloud of smoke. Seeing the audience it had gathered, the figure waved.

"Howdy. Ah, I'm looking for a kid about... er, this high, with black hair and green eyes. Ah, he's very excitable and tends to hold a grudge. Have you seen him?"

- - - - -

(Grins) did you like it? I sincerely hope so. I realize this chapter is short but I didn't have time to make it longer and still have it out by now. Who do y'all think it is? Did you like the marauders spectacular? I need more prank ideas. Half of these I copied from a boredom list me and my friend created a few years back.

Please review or I shall cry and all the other people who work with me shall drown since the doors here are designed to be impenetrable. There are over 100 workers here plus over 1000 visitors. WOULD YOU REALLY LIKE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR DEATHS? By the way, am I the only one who is no longer getting story or review alerts put though to their email?


	8. With a Little Help from my Friends

Authors Note: Well it has certainly been a longer then average waiting period for an update this time. There have been four contributive factors to this. Firstly, I was given a week to read ten Sherlock Holmes', a sociology report from Dr. Money (who, by the way was incredibly unethical in my opinion), write out an explanation of _imperfetto_ in Italian, and draft a mock business plan. Secondly, I had to write chapter two of Abandon Ship. Thirdly, I could not decide what to do with this chapter because the cliff-hanger was there since I had not decided who was going to arrive (I hope you like my decision). And fourthly, only two people reviewed this story so I was sulking. I'm a teenager. What were you honestly expecting? We teens require constant acknowledgement of our greatness (see, _I_ can make up words). So anyways… the chapter is here now. If you wish for this to take precedence over my other commitments you'll need to show me some lovin' peoples! So… I'm thinking, how about one review from everyone who has ever read this story even if they hit the back button after chapter one. That isn't too much to ask is it? Black-Nyx is still my god. Vellouette is up there among my favorite people as well because Vellouette reviewed both my stories (this one twice). Ah, that about sums it up I think. Oh! I still need prank ideas. Just give me any you've attempted or had done to you, or just thought of. I'm seriously low on ideas. Especially since I've used my pie thing in Abandon Ship now and that would have taken up a large chunk of a chapter. Damn. I really should have thought that one through.

**Review Replies**

**Vellouette**- Wow, that was a long review. Thank-you for the prank ideas, they were awesome and cracked me up which made my sister hit me because she was doing something important (I'm not quite sure what). I'm sure you will spot where your ideas show up in this chapter and following ones. The guys sound lik real jerks by the way. They deserved what they got but I'm glad they appologized to you. Unless you want a play by play of my opinions on all you three did, this is all I have to write.

**Black-Nyx**- My geography isn't that good. I'll have to find a map sometime soon. Waaaah! I've forgotten how to spell! Thats terribly tragic. If I get a chance I'll go through and put the capitals in the right spots but at the moment it'as to tedious a chore for me. (sniggers) Yeah I liked starting the chapter with that. People have done that as the last word of their chapters in other stories and it always annoyed me that I couldn't fiind out the details strait away. The detention will probably be in about chapter 10 or 11. I got the interpretive dance idea from my psychology professor who, after loosing the attention of our higher level class while explaining to the beginners who'd been shoved into our group, regained it by doing an interpretive dance to the word complexity. I'm sorry I caused problems for you with your cousin. Actually, I'm not sorry. I found it hilarious. I know I'm mean. DON'T HATE ME! I'll be good, no more cliff-hangers for several chapters (although, now I think about it, this one _could_ be interpretted as a semi-cliffie). Yeah that's it for this reply. Now there is a chapter.

_Parseltongue or just the normal reason for italics (accentuation)_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain. Neither do the Questies (you know who you are).

Chapter 8 (whoot)

10th October 1977

_As they got there, they could see a figure rising to its feet amidst a cloud of smoke. Seeing the audience it had gathered, the figure waved._

"_Howdy. Ah, I'm looking for a kid about... er, this high, with black hair and green eyes. Ah, he's very excitable and tends to hold a grudge. Have you seen him?"_

It is incredibly disconcerting to be standing in slightly charred clothing, holding a large bag you are fairly certain contains explosives, surrounded by junior versions of people you know fairly well, including yourself, with all of them staring at you with a collective 'stunned mullet' look.

"BILL!" Harry screamed out running over to the man. Once he reached him, he stopped in front of him, bouncing on the spot, his arms making small rotations, similar to those Draco had made earlier that day before he took flight. This in itself prompted some nervous glances from those around him, several of whom moved forward to be able to grab hold of an ankle if by some chance he did take off.

"Bill, how are you? Did you miss me? Weren't you still in Egypt? Oh, I guess because of our unusual method, Dumbledore must have called you back. Am I right? Junior you is here by the way, but I guess you knew that already. How did you get here? How are you getting back? Are we going? Please say no 'cause we've got this neat prank war thingy going and if we leave now that's like surrendering and Remus will never let me hear the end of it." Bill moved to cut Harry off as the boy sucked in a much needed lungful of air.

"Hi Harry. I'm good. Not yet, you've only been gone two days. Yes. That's about how it happened. Yes again. Of course I bloody knew that. Time turner with a retriever spell on it. The retriever spell I just mentioned. No, it only works on the person who used it to get here. Turns out you're in luck. By the way, do you realize how much trouble you're going to be in when you get back?" Bill questioned. His tone seemed slightly more intrigued then angry.

Harry sighed. It was truly amazing, how quickly this kid could have a mood-swing. And Bill was fairly certain he wasn't even PMSing.

"Yeah. McGonagall is going to slaughter me when I get back. I figure I'll just carry catnip on me for the next thirty years and I'll be okay though." Harry suddenly brightened up entirely. Again, mood-swings "Hey Bill, do you remember your old nickname?"

"Argh! Harry, I thought I'd finally recovered from that. Do you realize the trauma you are causing me? This is going to cost a fortune in therapy."

"What's wrong with the Billster?" inquired a petulant voice and Harry and Bill turned to see the slightly pouting face of the younger Bill Weasley.

The elder Bill turned and hid his face on the shoulder of the slightly shorter boy before him.

"Save me Harry. I'll be your slave."

"Liar."

"Well, I'll put a good word in with Professor Lupin?"

"That's good enough for me. Why won't you call him Remus anyway?"

"I just can't. By the way, Professor Lupin is actually pretty much with you on this whole prank war thing. He says the marauders all needed their heads deflated during this time period and you'd probably be the best one to do that."

"Moony, how could you? You are sacrificing the marauders honor. You have forgotten your routes. You've gone against your true calling. You are siding with the enemy."

"I- I don't know Prongs. I mean, I've disagreed with some of your actions in the past, but… I can't see this happening. I don't- I don't know what can have happened."

Sirius sighed.

"I'm sorry Moony but that's just not good enough. I'm afraid your membership will have to be revoked."

"Nooooooooooo!" Remus collapsed on the floor sobbing dramatically. Even sensible lycanthropes can have a 'silly moment' every now and then. Imagine how boring life would be without one.

"Awww, look at him. Can't we just keep him guys?" Peter implored of his fellows.

"Oh fine. But make sure you look after him Wormtail. Teach him well. Moony you're back in." James said.

"YAY!" Remus said jumping up.

"O…kay then. Harry, this is a special gift bag from Fred and George. They heard about your war and said they couldn't let you take on the marauders in their own territory without some kind of plan." Bill said without taking his eyes off of his future co-explorer whom he'd always identified as a sensible man. Maybe this Lupin was fond of red cordial. That would probably explain a lot.

"Hey Bill," Ginny said "Just how mad are Mum and Dad with me?" She seemed fairly cautious.

"Their upset, but they appear to be divulging most of the blame to Harry extraordinary ability to create the stupidest of schemes. Well, to be fair, some of Fred and George's early ones were worse."

"You can say that again. Remember their self polishing broom device when they were nine?"

Both Weasleys shuddered at the memory.

"Okay, I've only got a few more minutes before this thing takes me back. The visits will go for longer as we get better at this. Fist can I see the tablet?"

Pansy pulled it out of her pocket as she approached. She held it out to the man expecting him to wish to examine it but he simply photographed it with this nifty little device that fitted over the end of his finger.

"Thanks Miss Parkinson."

"Pansy."

"Alright then Pansy. Hey Malfoy, get over here, I have messages." Bill yelled out and the blond jogged closer.

"Okay, the twins have this cool new voice thingy that I want to try out so bear with me." Bill cleared his throat. "First message: HARRY POTTER!" Future peoples and past peoples alike were startled to hear Mrs. Weasley's voice coming from Bills mouth.

"Now that's just scary man." The Billster murmured, for we all know that boarding school is specifically parent free.

"What are you playing at young man, dragging my daughter and those two Slytherins back in time? And then, you start a prank war. A prank war! Do you realize how dangerous that is? You fix this right now and get yourselves back home!

Oh and Harry, please remember to wear your sweater when your playing Quidditch. You'll catch your death up there on that broom stick."

There was an astonished and slightly awed silence when Bill was silent. Although he had not brought across the volume, it was clear where Ginny had learnt to yell. The woman sounded like a psychotic rooster.

"Second message: Heya guys. Um, Bill said that this is a word for word message so, ah Colin Creevey here, just so you know." The four time travelers groaned. "Yeah, this is for Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. We have all your stuff because we didn't trust Ron Weasley and the other girl. Whatshername, Homogenize or something. 'We' as in me and Dennis and Natalie McDonald. She's in Dennis' year. Oh, Ginny, Dennis is wondering if he can keep one of your undergarments as a souvenir. I said you'd say no but he insisted I asked."

"Alright that's not on. Tell him definite no and see if you can get the next visitor to bring all our trunks will you Bill? I don't wand to think about what they could be doing." Ginny shuddered and followed her older sibling's previous idea of hiding her face on Harry's shoulder. Sort of like the magical version of burying ones head in the sand and pretending that all the nasty stuff like underwear snitching and global warming just wasn't happening, not very effective, and ultimately unproductive.

"Third message: Fellow Pranksters!"

"Wow, he can even get two voices at once."

"This is just to let you know to be _really_ careful when opening the bag. There are instructions on each of the items you wouldn't recognize in there so that this way, we wouldn't have to say them over the Bill system where your opposition could hear them."

"Damn" Sirius murmured.

"We gave you all the basics, plus some optional extras, and we found all four broom sticks. We also chucked in all of Harry's profits as an investor since we figured you needed the dough. Bye for now peoples."

The voices cut out for a moment before George came back on.

"Oh and Harry, I'm on the list of visitors for later when the time possible to spend is estimated to be over three hours, possibly as much a twenty four."

"Sweet!" the brunette smirked before punching the air, just to be dramatic.

"Alright, I think I'm leaving any second so, ah, be careful, Remus has next visit and will be here for half an hour. Bye guys!" Bill said.

"Bye."

"Ciao."

"Good bye Mister Billster sir."

Bill scowled at his sister and Harry, and then started towards them, but he vanished just before he reached them.

"Well that was fun."

- - - - - - - -

"Remy, you need to use your super moony powers again."

"Damnit Prongs, I don't have super moony powers! And if I did, they would not be the sort that could hear through an indeterminate number of stone walls to wherever their secret lair is located."

"…"

"James? Are you okay?"

"What use are super moony powers if they can't hear through walls?"

"Oh for crying out loud Prongs the guy said he doesn't have moony powers." Lily yelled

"_Super_ moony powers Evans." Sirius interrupted. Lily elbowed him in the ribs. Naturally he fell off his chair.

"Stop calling me Evans." She snapped at the group as a whole, completely ignoring the groaning Sirius who was pulling himself up by using her chair leg."

"Ah, okay… Lily." Peter said shyly, then winced when she pinned him with a death glare "Not Lily then? So what do you want to be called?"

"I want a marauder name."

"What?" James cried, outraged. He still hadn't quite forgiven her for blaming him for Harry earlier. "You can't have a marauder, you don't have the characteristics."

"Agreed." Sirius said, finally yanking himself up, tipping Lily's chair as he stood. She promptly toppled off, landing in a heap on the ground eliciting a yelp.

The marauders all looked on in delight. She noticed this fairly quickly and straitened her skirt as she stood.

"What?"

"I withdraw my earlier complaint." James said looking ecstatic.

Sirius nodded intensely. Remus rolled his eyes. Peter slipped off his perch, finishing the meting with a ceremonial sprawling upon the carpeted surface they all stood on. Also known as the floor. There are only so many ways one can say "He fell on the floor."

- - - - - - - -

"Okay, let's see what we've got." Harry said, as Draco carefully opened the bag. The pair, along with their three compatriots were sitting around in the Room of Requirement. They had arrived here only moments ago, having finally escaped the hoards of students questioning about Bill and the contents of the bag.

As Draco got it open, a small spiral of smoke escaped, causing four of them to lean back and Harry to jump up to check if he'd been given his very own pet microdragon.

"Uh oh guys, it looks like one of the pranking tools they sent self combusted along the way. It appears to be the remnants of a high speed, instantly inflatable speed boat. Damn, that would have been useful too."

"Boy's and their toys." Pansy murmured to Ginny who grinned.

Draco and Harry began sorting through the items, laying them on the floor in piles, calling out names and categories to Severus who had a notebook and pen out to write it all down so they'd remember.

"Two pots of invisible ink, the strong stuff, class time…"

"Five new extendable ears, all day…"

"A box of canary creams, meal time…"

"Hair removal gel, dormitories…"

"Glue… now what's with that?"

"A resizable horse costume, one offs…"

"Catnip, class time…"

"Self propelled chalk stubs, class time again…"

"Squid bait, free time…"

They boys continued on in this manner for quite some time, each device, getting more and more obscure. They found the brooms, shrunken in a box in the middle and passed them to the girls to check for damage. When there were only a few more items left, they all turned at a delighted gasp from Harry.

He gave them all a wicked smirk and held up a small jar. It was full to the brim with a bright blue powder. The other three time travelers all began their patented evil laughs but were cut off by Severus' resulting question of "What's that?"

Harry and Draco gave him a brief outline of the powder's abilities. As the possibilities dawned on him, Severus began to smirk. Moments later, Peeves and the Bloody Baron broke off their argument to scream with jealousy as evil laughs echoed through the castle.

They five wicked ones all left the Room of Requirement, so startlingly cheerful that the other Hogwarts students were amazed to find the five were unaccompanied by unicorns, bunny rabbits and pixie dust.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Vellouette- I'm sure you recognized it. It will not have the exact same results.

Alright, When I wrote this I had two new reviews but now I have three so yeah. Thankyou to newest reviewer Lady Halaia. I'm glad you enjoy both of them (sorry I didn't write a proper reply). Thanks also for adding me to favorites.

I know this chapter is short. I was busy and I was sullking. Sucks to be you.

What should Lily's marauder name be? Reeeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew (extra vowels mean it's extra important).


	9. Venice Queen

Authors Notes: Sniff. I LOVE YOU ALL! I got six new reviews which brought me to 20. Yaaaay! I wasn't predicting I'd reach that till after chapter 10 and I got there after chapter 8. That is so awesome. Well it has been a rather long while since I've updated. I'm sorry. I've actually known what I'm doing with this chapter for a while but I promised myself I wouldn't write the chapter until I'd done one for AS. And my Mummy always taught me not to break promises. Alright, now to my regular messages. Black-Nyx is still my god (do I even need to bother stating that anymore?) and I still think you are all awesome. This chapter is longer than usual to make up for the delay. You know something… since I actually start writing these Authors Notes before I write the chapter, I actually find myself trying to live up to my own words. As far as I know I've yet to state something in my Authors Notes and not follow through but if any of you spot something I've done, let me know in a review so I can apologize and make up for it. My subtle ploys to gain reviewers are becoming more and more obvious. Let's see… oh yeah, just a mention of the story **Unintentionally Yours**. This is one of my current favourite stories and I thought you all should know. It won't affect my plot in any way, nor my style of writing, but hey, who doesn't want to hear a FF author gushing about someone else's work? It's a HPLV pairing but it has a new type of plot that does not copy Shivani or Batsutousai's (the best HPLV's of all time) and instead is creating an original plot line (how dare they!) that is captivating with increasingly magnificent uses of characterisation and occasionally foreshadowing. When reading this story, I find myself forming almost emotional bonds with several characters, hating some and doting upon others. So if that tickles your fancy, check it out. I personally can't/won't write HPLV because it's hard, and I don't think I could manage it without it just being really, really creepy (yes there are many versions of this pairing which fail to normalise it, thus resulting in disaster). Maybe in the distant future, I'll find it easier but for now I'll stick with plots that do not risk being flamed for any reason. For let's face it, there is nothing shocking about a prank war or Harry gaining attitude. My Author's Notes have again descended into blog like status but I don't care. No-ones forcing you to read them (though please do because they are sometimes important). Thanks y'all. I'm still in need of ideas for a Lily marauder name so please have a think or just tell me someone else's idea. If I copy strait from one source it's plagiarism, but if I copy from many it's research. That is an indirect source from somewhere I don't remember and can't be bothered looking up. BTW, is not the song Particle Man by They Might be Giants the most awesome song in the history of the universe? Holy Hell, would you look at the length of this Author's Note? I had better quit now although I'm sure most of you simply scrolled down to the story so it hardly matters except your finger may get tired. But then, if you did that, you are not reading this anyway so I don't care what you think. Nyah, Nyah, Nyah! Okay I'm done now. Stop groaning, I've seen longer notes. Besides, you've still got the Review Replies and the disclaimer anyway so you may as well settle in. At this rate, the intro stuff will be longer than the story anyway.

BTW, my spell check is down so forgive me if I miss anything in my proof reads.

**Review Replies**

**imakeeper**- I'm glad you like him. Sorry you dislike the others. Hopefully you enjoy my version of Ginny or I shall have to cry.

**Vellouette**- Exactly. I figured you'd had that in mind and yes this is designed to be public but as you will see in this chapter, it has very wide uses (mostly because this way, every time they pull off an awesome prank, I can attribute assistance to the powder). The marauders lost the map to Filch last year but if you remember the talk Harry had with them, they've now revealed how he can add his new finds to the map.

**Black-Nyx**- Hmmm, you have listed several of my favourites. Firefly works but that's not something I'm settling for at this stage though I may pick it later. Thank-you oh great one for your forgiveness. I have always had nice psych. teachers so I can't relate but I've had some shockers for sociology. My current one is just amusing however. Yay! Tu parli italiano! Sono molto felice con tu. Or maybe you only speak one word. ?. Alright, that's it for now.

**serafina pekala**- You have reviewed for me before actually but hey, I'm not going to turn down more. Thanks for the compliments about my story. Another Italian speaker! Noi siamo amici si?

**MoonyTheBookWolf**- Thanks

**Desiqtie**- Thanks, have you noticed I'm yet to define Sirius as strait or gay, thus leaving him open for if I decide he needs to sleep with Harry. Do not take that as something that will definitely happen though because I haven't decided specifics yet.

_Parseltongue or just the normal reason for italics (accentuation)_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain. Neither do the Questies (you know who you are). Neither does Bill Gates (gee there's a surprise).

Chapter 9

11th October 1977

At roughly six twenty five AM, the sun deigned to raise itself above the horizon and it was the dawn of a new day. Well, for most students in Hogwarts it was. For Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, the day had begun two hours and twenty five minutes ago. At this moment, they were both reentering their separate dormitories. Resetting their personalized alarm clocks, they fell gently back into the land of nod, neither expecting to be allowed to doze peacefully until seven thirty when they had set their alarms. As it was, they were both woken by the synchronized but unpredicted screams of Sirius Black and Lily Evans.

The wonderful thing about the blue powder Fred and George had sent to the group was the amount of uses it had. Not only did it taste like cinnamon, blend instantly with water, have the ability to cause spontaneous levitation when applied correctly, make an effective muscle relaxant, and work well as invisible ink when mixed with fresh goats milk, it also worked as a rather unique additive to shampoo. There were many other uses, these were just the most common ones in 1997 after it became well known. The advantage of being in the past is that no-one has heard of any similar adventures to your own before for this powder had not been invented yet. Probably because to make it, one needed the presence of a werewolf during the full moon and at this stage, there was no wolfsbane.

And thus the beginnings of the first school wide prank began.

Harry and Ginny had been the ones to carry out the rather spectacular prank Harry had described one the evening of their first day here. Pansy had been the ultimate mastermind and Draco had facilitated it by getting passwords and whatnot. The only thing that changed this time was that they now had Severus who already knew many of the current passwords, although not all of them, so he and Draco also mixed several of the concoctions used, showed Harry and Ginny how to assemble them, and also set about preparing alibis for the morning. This was an added bonus as last time; they had all lost massive amounts of house points and received devastating amounts of detentions. It was definitely worth it, but not really effective in improving ones popularity with ones house, especially after pranking them as well.

Harry and Ginny had both been awake and alert by four AM. They had decided to begin with the house furthest from their own, thus being Ravenclaw. The invisible ink mentioned earlier was not your usual, bland, regular invisible ink; instead it was actually rather different. Especially if a replication spell was added to it. The biggest difference was that this ink would blank out any scripts it was placed on for a period of twenty four hours. If you added a spell to replicate similarities to every book in Ravenclaw and then carefully copied over every word on the first page of a single book, you had the makings for disaster. Not only would every page of that book also become blank, the same would also happen to every other book. While Ginny was doing this, Harry snuck around and replaced the book on each bedside table with a muggle comic book, also temporarily blank. Thus when the original prank wore off, there would be a tragedy as each Ravenclaw went to find their current text and became distraught at the sight of it. Harry collected up the stacks of books he consequently accumulated and shrunk them for later use.

The dastardly duo then made their way to Slytherin. This prank could not be specified to affect the entire house as three of their fellow pranksters were here. Instead they went for one commonly used item that several could avoid without suspicion. Severus had informed them of a small statue of Salazar Slytherin placed at the entrance to the boys' dormitory. He claimed that each morning before they headed to breakfast, most boys touched the shoulder of the statue for luck. It was at this point that Draco remembered the statue and informed them that in 1985, someone had cast a rather cruel prank on one of the Slytherins causing the first non-living thing they touched after its casting to implode on itself. The child rather ironically ended up with large blisters on their hands after trying to save the thus touched good luck charm of Slytherin. Due to their magical nature, the burns festered and the poor boy spent a week in the Hospital Wing.

Severus reported that he had never fallen for the superstition and therefore it would not seem suspect if he did not touch it. Draco had not noticed it on his way out of the dormitory the previous morning and would have no issues with preventing himself brushing up on it. Apparently only a small percentage of the girls ventured over to the male entrance specifically to touch the statue so as it was, Pansy would have no issues. Bloody good luck for the three of them since the statue was so perfect for what they wanted to do, there was no way Harry and Ginny would not have used it.

It is amazing how a few scrapings of itching lice can affect a person. Itching lice were basically itching powder on legs with the unstoppable need to burrow into warm dark areas. They were fairly easy to get rid of, provided you were happy to drink a glass of warmed vinegar and bathe yourself in garlic. Simple really if you think about it.

Since the location of their sleeping quarters meant they had to finish their early morning escapades in Gryffindor, their next stop was naturally Hufflepuff.

For the Hufflepuffs, the pair used a rather Muggle trick but with a few variations. After unshrinking a remarkable number of coils of rope, they set to work, with aid of levitation and sticking charms, the pair began to thoroughly cover each dorm with a maze of barely penetrable ropes, formed into something that resembled a giant spider web built by a spider on 'shrooms. Once they had it all structured, they began dousing assorted ropes, picked at random with a collection of spells, powders, and potions, the least of which being some of the remarkable blue powder, manipulated to cause spontaneous levitation. Harry actually felt this was rather kind since they had spread the ropes rather sparsely as they got closer to the arched ceilings of the Hufflepuff common room.

Gryffindor should have run and hid at this point but they did not realize that they would be the victims of the main assault of this battle. To begin this assault, Harry and Ginny split up, Ginny going back to the Gryffindor tower and Harry going towards the kitchens. While there was no Dobby in this time to assists him, he did possess his father's cloak. But after you consider the advantages that come with being invisible compared to a psychotic house elf, he was probably better off trying this without Dobby's kind assistance.

Severus' talent in potions had come in to use here as, after doing some tests on the blue powder, found that after being dry heated and blended with some desiccated and crushed spider eggs, could be targeted to relax only targeted muscles. The choice of which muscles it would affect depended on how the powder connected with the person. Harry had chosen to add it to tomorrows supply of pumpkin juice for the Gryffindor table because, lets face it, when you are a Hogwarts student, your only options are pumpkin juice or tea with your breakfast and so far as he could see, everyone either had just the juice, or drank both.

This proved to be a relatively simple task and Harry soon exited the kitchen, though not before snagging a pie. Pie is nice after all. Checking his watch and realising it was not almost six, he hurried back up to the tower to assist Ginny with her efforts.

While all this had been going on, Ginny was organising the only specifically marauder targeted prank. It had not taken them long to realize just how much time both Sirius and Lily must spend on their hair every day. Lily's was long and always lustrous which Ginny knew took ages to style to perfection. Sirius clearly took a lot of pride in his hair, despite its casual appearance. Harry had informed them all with a laugh of the close to twenty styling products he had seen on Sirius' well warded shelf. Thus, when one has a powder that can be used to cause baldness for a twenty four hour period, it is far too tempting to forgo use of it.

Ginny had already broken the wards on both Lily and Sirius' hair care storage facilities and added the powder to every bottle of shampoo she saw there because she had no idea which ones they would use today. Besides, it could mean they would both be bald for several days if all went well and they didn't just chuck their collections of shampoo and start over. Pity it didn't work for styling mousse as well. That would have been perfect.

When Harry arrived, he and Ginny began to work on their main prank for their fellow house mates. The only problem here was that if it did not affect them as well, it would be clear to the teachers who exactly had initiated the prank. Thus, they had designed it so as to be embarrassing, but not humiliating. It would give all the other houses a good laugh and Harry was fairly certain that everyone affected by it would be able to laugh about it as well once they had recovered from both the shock, and its affects. After casting some minor spells to the drapes, wall hangings and throw rugs, Harry and Ginny then split up and headed towards the dormitories, Ginny to the girls', and Harry to the boys'. They began to repetitively cast a spell on every item of clothing they came across, even going so far as to charm the pyjamas each student was wearing. A few more charms on the bed covers and they were all set, climbing back into their beds at roughly twenty past six.

- - - - - - - -

"Noooooooo!"

Harry woke up with a start and glanced around his dormitory room. Remus was sitting bolt upright in his bed glancing around for the source of the cry. James had fallen out of his bed which Harry was starting to notice was a habit of his future father's. Peter was still asleep, snoring gently as the sound that rang through the dorm rose in pitch. Harry grinned as he noticed Sirius' empty bed and recognized the incessant noise as the boys voice coming from the bathroom.

Remus leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom door. Finding it locked he began thumping on it in earnest.

"Padfoot what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did your pet rabbit pass away? Did your curling tongs break?" He cried, sounding more and more worried as he thought of situations which could have caused this level of angst.

There was silence for a moment before Sirius finally answered in a broken voice.

"Go away I don't want to talk about it."

At this point it became impossible for Harry to hold in his sniggers and James and Sirius spun quickly to glare at him, twin looks of dawning understanding spreading across their faces. Peter, who had just woken to the scene, stared at the time traveller.

"Sweet Merlin what have you done?" He murmured in a terrified tone as Sirius began sobbing in a shattered tone.

"Remus," Harry said politely as he began to get out of bed "Be a dear and assist your suffering friend. I believe he will be in need of a wig. James, you are quite good at transfiguration are you not? Perhaps you could kindly offer your aid."

The three boys all stared at Harry. All three now understood what had upset Sirius so much and although they would pay Harry back for this, they could clearly see the humour of the situation.

At the same time in the seventh year girls' dormitory, Lily had just made herself a rather realistic wig and was trying to assure her fellow year mates that she was fine while glaring at the laughing Ginny. Ginny chose not to reveal what had been done, feeling her fellow red-head had suffered enough. It was at this point that all the girls began to realize their state of apparel.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" James screamed as he looked down at what once were his pyjamas.

Remus and Peter glanced down at themselves and both paled drastically. Sirius who was now feeling slightly more secure with his new wig on, pulled open his clothes drawer and began wailing in a way somewhat akin to his earlier symptoms.

What were once the sturdy red pyjamas that had clothed Remus, Peter and James were now very skimpy and very feminine lace nighties. Sirius, pulling out item after item of women's lingerie, skirts, dresses and some rather beautiful handbags, shuddered repetitively before donning a slightly thoughtful look.

"Harry," He addressed the boy who was pulling on a purple turtle neck sweater and a check skirt that was somewhat tame when compared with what the other boys were going to be wearing. It was not like Harry hadn't tried some cross dressing before. He and a friend had had a very good time last Halloween preparing their costumes "Just a quick question" Sirius continued "How much of our house has been affected by this?"

"Oh every year except the first years who have clown suits." Harry said grinning "You will find no items of fabric apart from those in your own clothes drawers will stay on your bodies. They will simply unravel if you try so don't bother. The girls have an assortment of mens clothes which wouldn't be so bad for them except that they have all grown stubble and a moustache. Except for Lily's who will produce one momentarily as we couldn't have her noticing earlier and forgetting her morning rituals."

The other four looked confused by this last statement but soon forgot it as they began panicking, knowing that as long as they had something which fitted them Dumbledore would not let them skip classes. The old coot would probably find it hilarious. His eyes would be twinkling with supernova strength.

As Harry sat back on his bed to watch the show, the boys began throwing their new clothes around with lightening speed as they tried to find the most suitable items. He had told them all the details of the prank as he knew that otherwise they would take so long trying to get out of this that they would miss breakfast and as they all knew; a hungry marauder is a dangerous marauder. If you for some reason do become a victim of time travel, never _ever_ forget that.

The other dormitories had said instructions pinned to their doors and most students, after realising that the clothes they had received weren't actually that bad, began laughing as they read the description given of what the marauders would have to wear.

As it was, the marauders and Lily began to walk out of the common room with as much dignity as they would muster at roughly a quarter to eight. The boys were walking slightly uncomfortable after Harry had revealed that it was impossible to swing free else the clothes were charmed to simply slip strait off. As it was they were all wearing either panties (if Harry wasn't mad at them) or a lace thong that rubbed uncomfortable (if he was). A padded brazier had also been revealed as a necessity that gave them the added chest needed to wear their outfits successfully

Remus had suffered least and was wearing a long flowing hippy skirt and a tight V-necked tank top with no sleeves. He was bright red but had accepted that since everyone else in his house would be wearing similar outfits, he would not be singled out.

Peter was wearing a knee length, pink flowered summer-dress with a tied halter neck. He had been lucky in the underwear department and simply had regular panties but both his and Remus' school satchels had been exchanged for bottomless thin strapped handbags.

James was mortified as the most decent option for him to wear had been a yellow and blue cheerleader outfit. It was slightly surprising to Harry exactly how well his father wore the outfit, his messy hair that was usually described as 'wind swept', could now no longer defined as anything other then 'just shagged'. Harry was still slightly put out for the past prank played on him in the Great Hall and had decided it must be his fathers fault because every teenager knows that whenever something doesn't go your way, it's always your parents fault. James was thus wiggling slightly every few steps as he tried to deal with the new feeling of wearing a rough lacy thong.

Sirius had acted slightly differently from his three friends and actually saw the humour of the situation. At least, he saw it as soon as Harry promised him that his hair would grow back by tomorrow morning and that his wig looked very natural and no, they would not hex it to fall off. Sirius had then selected out a very revealing and slightly too small singlet that showed a lot of midriff and fake breast. He was also wearing an uber-mini that flicked upward with ever step to almost show too much. But Sirius had soon figured out how to walk to as not to reveal anything drastic. He had also selected high heels. This proved to be a bad decision as he had no idea how to walk in them and spent most of his time leaning against an amused Harry who had decided to enter the hall with them for moral support.

Lily was also with them. Ginny hadn't been very inventive with Lily's new wardrobe, instead simply filling it with a complete gangster/rapper collection. Bling included. Ginny had left already and was, along with half of Gryffindor, already in the Great Hall.

- - - - - - - - -

The teachers up on the platform were at a loss for what to do this morning. Their students all appeared to be either suffering greatly, or continually collapsing in hysterics.

The Ravenclaws had arrived first. They all seemed completely shell-shocked; some younger students were actually in tears. A worried Flitwick had gone over to ask what was wrong and as he arrived, the fifth year, male, Ravenclaw prefect had noticed him and collapsed on the small man, a sobbing wreck. Flitwick had soon gotten the whole story out of him and had now headed off to their common room to see if he could solve the problem.

The Ravenclaws all had great faith in their Head of House's ability and had since calmed down slightly, certainly enough to laugh at the slight of the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins who soon straggled in. While many of the Slytherins were laughing, several were writhing around in apparent agony as they tried to scratch themselves using both their hands and any item they came across which could help. One poor boy that seemed to be suffering more than the others was rolling around on the floor, rubbing on the stones like some half crazed grasping fanatic, covetous and vile, like a cross between a drug addict and a record company executive.

The Hufflepuffs all came in groaning and stretching sore limbs and backs while curing each others minor colour changes or speaking disorders. Some students it appeared were impossible to cure and were being pulled into the hall on the end of long ropes as they attempted to float up to the ceiling. They were pulled in and tied down so that they could eat and the Ravenclaws took pity and began trying un-hex their badger-like counterparts. So far they had had no luck. No one was quite prepared for the Gryffindors entrance.

The first Gryffindors to enter were the first years who simply appeared to be offering a visual aid so the other students could identify their nature. They sat down, honking their noses and spraying each other with rather corny bow ties. The other houses rolled their eyes at the sight, obviously thinking the Gryffindors had it easy. But then several fifth years entered.

The whole of Gryffindor, in the eyes of the other houses, appeared to have some closet fetishes. Everyone had cross dressed but some to more extremes then others. One boy appeared to have arrived as a dominatrix. As the entire house poured into the hall, the other houses could not contain their laughter. As the marauders and Harry made their entrance the entire hall, even the affected Slytherins burst into applause. From their various positions around the hall, Draco, Pansy, Severus, Harry and a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like formally known as Ginny, all stood and bowed.

Professor McGonagall stood and towered over the hall from her position at the Head Table. Pansy slowly inched away as her eyes picked up the nervous twitch the Head of Gryffindor seemed to have developed. The Scottish professor opened her mouth to yell but was cut off by Professor Dumbledore.

"Oh very well done." He cried happily "A wonderful display of art from the Gryffindor house. A perfect way to encourage abandonment of all prejudices. Take thirty house points for your efforts. Oh and thirty to Ravenclaw for remembering that on this day in 1506, Thoyen of Rohan, the famous scholar was struck over the head and lost his eye sight, thus losing him his position as Hogwarts librarian. Thank-you all for taking this sacrifice in his honour. Thirty points to Hufflepuff for a display of team work in trying circumstances, and lastly to our friends in Slytherin, thirty points for upholding tradition despite unpleasant circumstances."

At this the whole hall cheered louder while the marauders and Lily all looked incredibly put out. Harry spread his skirts and took a seat next to the Billster. Ginny came over and sat down next to him, passing him two sickles under the table.

"You win," She commented "I was sure he'd let her give us detention first."

Harry waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Never underestimate the abilities of one supremely powerful madman to guess the actions of another."

So what do you think? I don't feel it quite tops the original attack by the firsties or Draco taking off, but hey, maybe I'm just being critical. I still need ideas for Lily's marauder name. Now what else did I want to say... oh yes that's right... REVIEW! They are important to me.

Thanking you in advance,

Semi


	10. Statues

Authors Notes: Okay so I do realize that it has been a while since I updated but I kind of lost my muse. It leapt into my other story and wouldn't come back even when bribed with cyber cookies and red cordial. As it is, I have heaps of ideas for that story now and only this short chapter for this one. I am currently trying reverse psychology on my muse but it's rather clever so it hasn't worked yet but I think it may get lonely for its friends the plot bunnies and come back soon. When it does I shall have to trap it as the plot bunnies have gone to Mexico City for a vacation and if my muse hears that, it may just decide to join them. To sum up, this is a short chapter, I am low on ideas, my muse is immaturely playing hide and seek, and I hope to be able to write a longer chapter fairly soon.

**Review Replies **

**Dinkel**- Thanks I am flattered. 1. You can't specifically target others _to_ prank. He said nothing about giving suggestions to independent forces. 2. Maybe, I haven't decided. 3. I'm not fond of him (read my other story for reasons) so I keep accidentally making him mean in this story. Sorry about Ginny but I had to have a girl Gryffindor and there are not many options once I culled Hermione.

**Vellouette**- Thanks and good idea for Lily. Awww, you have sons! How old are they?

**imakeeper**- They made the writing in all their books invisible.

**Black-Nyx**-(one sentence per paragraph). Same. Thanks, I like 6 (Buy me a Pony). I know, that was the inspiration. LOL. Glad you liked it. Priceless indeedles. I said "You speak Italian. I am very happy with you." but that's alright because I still love you and Japanese is cool. What movie? Ummm.

_Parseltongue or just the normal reason for italics (accentuation)_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain. Neither do the Questies (you know who you are). Neither does Bill Gates (gee there's a surprise). Nor does Stephanie Plum.

Chapter 10

11th October 1977

It was almost surprising really to Harry how easy it was to plan and accomplish attacks that day. There was almost no resistance since most students were too busy to try to defend themselves or simply didn't care since the majority thought this prank was pretty darn awesome once they'd gotten over their own particular woes. The Gryffindors were too busy trying to figure out how to walk, sit, ride a broom, and pee in their new outfits to cause much trouble. The Ravenclaws had no books to get lost in and were thus able to look after the Hufflepuffs who were to busy trying to prevent each other from blowing away to work against the five trouble makers. Neither house cared much though since they realized that they'd probably finished their suffering for the day. The Slytherins who by now had deigned to attempt going to Madam Pomfrey for assistance with their itching were either still in the hospital wing for the whole day, or simply sitting back to watch the show.

The 'Show' began at lunch time, by which stage the Gryffindors could all see the funny side but were too busy trying to eat without spillages to laugh at the matter after one girl had realized that when drinks were spilt on the clothes they ate away at them like acid, leaving gaping and revealing holes. Of course, they just figured it was a spell that went with the clothes to prevent dry cleaning bills for Harry and Co. It didn't occur to them that it could be an unexpected side-affect of the solution in their pumpkin juice. Of course they were Gryffindors and as such not known for high levels of intelligence.

As all the students began to head out to class, disaster stuck the Gryffindor table. Everyone who had drunk pumpkin juice was now finding that their arm movements were slowing down until they were unable to move them at all. Several students screamed as they realized that their gait as they left the hall was somewhat akin to that of a troll or a member of the Crabbe or Goyle family. Some Gryffindors who had not been thirsty and were thus unaffected began running around trying to help out by making sure everyone's bags stayed on their shoulders and that no one was injuring everyone else by swinging out their arms at an odd angle. The result was a rather unusual game of chance. Have you ever been to the circus and seen the man spinning a dozen plates on the top of poles and trying to make them stay upright by running backwards and forwards adjusting them? If you have, then you know what this would have looked like.

The unaffected students sprinted around their fellow house mates, grabbing a loose book here, adjusting a shoulder strap there, steering some people one way and helping others balance after knocking into something. After mere moments, all other houses were in hysterics. Ginny, Draco, Pansy, and Severus were all rolling on the floor laughing. Harry however was sitting remarkably calmly at his table, calmly finishing off the last of his cheese sandwich. He automatically tilted his head to one side as a panicking and flailing Gryffindor knocked a goblet flying in his direction. He barely blinked when another student fell against his back, just simply jerking backwards a moment later, sending the fifth year toppling in the opposite direction, unable to balance himself with his arms.

The boy landed on Ginny who was just getting up and thus executed a marauder worthy fall that toppled Sirius who was standing next to her swinging his shoulders to make his arms do windmills. He, being a marauder topped Ginny's collapse by taking down three other students (granted they were first years). This started a domino affect, taking out all the newly disabled Gryffindors. The still functioning students abandoned their tasks to flee the area, some clearing the Hufflepuff table with a single leap in their desperation. Harry sat calmly at the table, sipping from a water glass he had conjured before rising gracefully above the masses, stepping over his future godfather, and calmly making his way to the doors.

The other houses tried desperately to catch their breath between bursts of laughter at the sight of all of Gryffindor, bar a small few, groaning on the ground before they too lost it completely and dissolved into laughter.

Students began to make their way over to assist the Gryffindors in their efforts to rise. Eventually they got them all to class and seated at their desks. The teachers, who had derived as much amusement from the activities as everyone else all lost sight of the humour when they realized that none of the Gryffindors would be able to work as they could raise neither quill nor wand in effort. It was eventually decided that classes would be cancelled for today.

This immediately meant that Dray, Gin, Pansy, Harry, and Severus were all hailed as the heroes of the school culture. Naturally the teachers then knew who to blame but luckily for the five, the alibis they had created held true and the staff had no choice but to let the prank go unpunished until further evidence had been gathered.

- - - - - - - - - -

I know it's short. I had no ideas. I'll work on a long chapter with a Remus visit for next time. Sorry again! Please keep reviewing regardless. This story is equal with Abandon Ship on the review count and AS only has four chapters. Maybe I should just work on that one hmm? Yes I am trying to trick you into reviewing but it is a little disheartening to look at the count since _I_ actually prefer this story.

Next chapter will be really long to make up for this one.


	11. Underwaterloveboogie

Authors Notes: Once again I am writing this Authors Note before I write the actual chapter. This is actually more of a **warning** though and is as follows: my muse has not yet returned so this is a completely uninspired chapter that I am forcing out of myself so that hopefully my muse will take pity on me and come pay me a visit. I have a new tactic however which I hope will go well. Foreshadowing. I have this theory that if I introduce snippets of things to come, then I will always have something to go back to and write about so that hopefully, it will be sort of like a pre-determined muse. If you want news about when updates are coming or information on the story between said updates, please visit my profile since I am now updating _that_ every fourth day minimum so that I know that y'all are up to date. Abandon Ship has well and truly overtaken this story in the review count… probably since _that_ muse didn't take a surprise vacation. That is all that needs saying, please reviews, please read this AN (although me asking that _in_ the AN is probably kind of pointless). Okay I'm done; on with the replies and the story and whatever.

**Review Replies**

**Delinka**- What the heck are "god wind tomatoes"? Thanks though.

**Black-Nyx**- Aww thanks. Sorry to hear about your computer... mine blew up once. I mean literally blew up. Remus isalways fun to work with as there are so many things one can do with his character. Eeep! If you were impatient for the last update I can't imagine what you must be thinking about this one! Forgive me oh Great God of Reviewers!

**imakeeper**- Interesting what? Interesting as in "interesting the way that story is the most awesome story in existance" or interesting as in "interesting the way that made me want to throw up my own liver"?

**Vellouette**- Well, now you'll get two Remus appearences; this one and the one in the next chapter of Abandon Ship. Aww crud, I wish you liked the other one best. Simply because then you wouldn't be cranky with me for not updating this one. Yeah, I figured that too, but then hey, maybe I'll make her an animagus. Could be a fun chapter plus it would be like a side plot I could fall back on if my muse never returns. Wow, your eldest son is only one year younger than me. AND YOU LIKE MY WRITING! Squeeeeeee!!!! eah, I am allowed teenaged ditzy moments every now and then. Seriously though, it is a huge compliment to me.

**DarkNinjaBunneh- **Glad you laughed. This is in reply for the review for chapter 9 which didn't arrive before I updated.

**LandUnderWave**- Ah, I kind of replied to this already so I won't bother again. Thanks for agreeing though. I'll let you know if it comes up (it will be a while... I have enough problems writing _two_ stories let alone a third).

Parseltongue _or just the normal reason for italics (accentuation)_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain. Neither do the Questies (you know who you are). Neither does Bill Gates (gee there's a surprise). Nor does Stephanie Plum. Nor does my Duty Manager.

Chapter 11

12th October 1977

The pre-breakfast events the following day were not nearly as dramatic. Lily and Sirius had figured out that the problem was the shampoo and thus had borrowed other peoples and eliminated the baldness factor. Harry and Ginny were too tired to try anything new and since the Ravenclaws were already going to be suffering when they found the comics that morning they felt enough had been done. The marauders and Lily were suspiciously quiet as Ginny and Harry prepared for the day in their respective dormitories but both were too tired to notice. They had awoken before dawn, run all over the castle, and not gotten to bed until two in the morning. What were you expecting them to do? A salute to the sun? And thus it was that with the exception of a few Ravenclaws who had become so distraught that they needed to be taken to the Hospital Wing, most students made it to breakfast without incident.

Most.

Ginny Weasley was the unlucky one in this case. Lily, still upset over her hair had informed the marauders that the other red-head was next on the list. Not willing to lose their team mate, the boys had agreed and Ginny had found herself accosted as she made her way down what she had thought to be a deserted corridor, yawning with every third step. As a blinder of some form went over her eyes and she heard a whispered _stupefy_, she only had one final thought.

'Aw crap, I'm going to miss the Ravenclaws reactions. Damn.'

Of course she probably would have used some much more inventive curses had she known that not only was she about to go through one of the worst days of her life, but she would also miss Remus' visit. Yeah that would have pissed her off good and proper.

It was not long before Ginny returned to consciousness. She did not know this of course but hey, who'd expect her to? Slowly sitting up she took several moments to look around her before finally accepting that she really was where she thought she was.

"Hello?" She called out cautiously, "Anybody? … Harry?"

No success.

"Draco?"

"Pansy?"

"Severus?"

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"James?"

"Sirius?"

"…"

"Voldemort?"

* * *

"Hey, d'you know where Ginny is?"

The Billster shook his head and Harry moved on to the next person.

"Do you know where Ginny is?"

After repeating this question many more times and seeing his three Slytherin counterparts were having no luck, Harry sat down puzzled. Not a single student had known where she was and he was sure someone must have seen her. Of course any number of Ravenclaws could have but they had all been too distraught by the discovery of the comics to even hear Harry's questions let alone remember if they had seen a petit red head wondering the halls of Hogwarts. So he had to ask himself… who would be most likely to want to do something to Ginny Weasley? It was of course then that the Marauders and Lily walked in. Their timing was truly impeccable the way they managed to make an appearance just when people were looking for suspicious behavior, the fact that they were all wearing smug grins and doing high-fives all around did not help the matter.

Harry rose quietly to his feet and slipped along the row to where the five were now seated. They were all so busy talking they did not even realize he was there until he was standing only inches behind Lily. He tapped her on the shoulder.

"_Mother of Zeus_!" She shrieked before falling to the floor.

The Marauders, while shocked at Harry's arrival, all smiled proudly down at Lily.

"She's like our cute little baby sister isn't she fella's." Sirius commented in a sing-song voice.

"Hopefully not mine, else I'd be attempting to commit incest." James said as Harry shuddered at the notion before getting back on topic. Lily just glared at them all as a fourth year helped her back into her seat.

Harry took a breath and got into his Molly/Ginny yelling mentality.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SORT OF SISTER? I SWEAR IF SHE IS IN ANYWAY UPSET I WILL GRAB YOUR BALLS, TWIST THEM ROUND, AND SHOVE THEM SO FAR UP YOUR _ARSE_ THAT YOU WILL NEVER FIND THEM AGAIN!"

For some unknown reason, this little speech caused some discomfort for the four male recipients of its full potency. Lily however, who could yell almost as loudly when upset and lacked the anatomy Harry was threatening, simply smiled charmingly at him.

"But Harry, how could we possibly have done anything to Ginny? She's always with _you_ in the mornings because she doesn't like going down to breakfast alone. Don't tell me you _forgot_ about her did you?"

Harry looked momentarily distraught before remembering that Ginny had started out with him but then sent him off because she had forgotten something and didn't want him to have to wait around. Thus, he felt himself to be exempt of all blame.

"_Miss_ Evans, do not think you are excused from my previous promise. I realize you lack the necessary attributes but don't think I don't know ways to make you grow them." Lily blanched at this, causing Harry to give a slight smirk and do a mental-victory-dance. He was unable to continue giving pressure however because he was interrupted by a loud bang and a cloud of smoke coming from next to the dais the head table sat upon.

Harry grinned as he recognized his sort of Godfather coming out of the cloud coughing slightly and holding four shrunken trunks.

"Remus!" He yelled delighted at the exact same time as Pansy.

Both trouble makers ran towards the man as Draco slowly sauntered over, Severus approached warily, and everyone else paused what they were doing to watch.

"Hello you two. How've you been?" Remus asked giving Pansy a one armed hug and ruffling Harry's hair.

"Oh not bad, we managed to get you to cross dress which was pretty amusing." Pansy said in a nonchalant tone as Remus groaned and cuffed her gently.

"You missy have a lot of cheek to mention that right now when I am here to do you a favour."

"And what sort of favour is it Professor Lupin?" Draco drawled. While he respected the man and appreciated what he did for them, he was a little too aware of exactly how many detentions the man _had_ given them over the past year and a bit. Forced to do so or not, Draco was still not going to be grateful to the man for them.

"Why Mister Malfoy, I am delivering your trunks of course, along with food parcels from Mrs. Weasley, and a care package from the Weasley twins."

"_Noooooo_!" Screamed both Lily and Sirius from their seats having figured out that that was the origin of their hair problems the previous morning.

"Oh Remus, can you tell us where Ginny is? Pleas I don't know what you guys have done with her." Harry said urgently. Across the room, every Marauder or sort of Marauder stiffened. This was crunch time for Remus' tentative place in their group.

The ex-marauder sighed.

"I would Harry, but after the message Bill gave about me, junior me promised not to give away any of the plans if my (or his I guess I should say) visit came up at such a time. You know that I am a man of my word Harry so I cannot go against that."

"It's okay Remus; I wouldn't expect you to break a promise." Harry said as across the room junior Remus gave a whoop of joy and ran around in circles since this confirmed him as a permanent Marauder.

"Okay, apart from those trifles, I have some stuff I need to go over with you. Firstly, Pansy, this is for you." Remus handed the girl a small box that all three time travelers immediately recognized.

"Thank you Remus." Pansy whispered, shy all of a sudden.

"No problem sweetheart. Secondly, and I apologise for this, but we must talk politics. Albus, do you have a completely isolated room we could borrow for… oh, maybe fifteen minutes?"

The aging Headmaster nodded and rose to direct them to whichever room he had in mind. Draco turned to look at Severus who was watching from a slight distance.

"Sev, I'm sorry but this is important and we can't reveal this part of the future to anyone. Please understand this. Could you keep looking for Ginny while we are gone?" Draco asked and the other boy nodded in acceptance.

"Come one Dray!" Harry called from outside the side door where he and the other three had already exited. The blonde smiled at Severus before running out of the hall.

Severus blinked a few times and then watched as the whole hall filled with whispering as they tried to figure out what was so important. Severus pushed these thoughts aside however and concentrated on the task at hand. He had a red-head to find.

As it turned out he did not have to look very far since only minutes after the others had left, the main doors burst open.

"I AM GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU MARAUDER ARSES YOU FUCKED UP SONS OF BITCHES!" came a scream from what appeared to be an irate red-head. One could not be sure that this was what it was however since something serious had gone wrong with the things appearance.

There was silence momentarily before Sirius could be heard muttering;

"Harry was scarier."

And then pandemonium broke out again. Professor Pandino however, seemed to have no problem identifying the newest arrival to the great hall.

"5 points from Gryffindor for your disgusting language Miss Weasley." He snapped over the confusion.

"Disgusting- _my_ disgusting language? You're punishing me for language? I just woke up on a raft in the middle of the fucking _lake_ for Merlin's sake! I had no paddle, was wearing a ridiculously flimsy bikini and a life jacket, and sitting next to an unbreakable and _working_ muggle record player which was repetitively playing "The Song that Doesn't End". Then, I finally decide that I cannot take it anymore and started swimming back and what do you know? The fucking raft disappears and it turns out the record player can swim!" Ginny practically bellowed. Around her, several people who knew the song gave a sympathetic shudder. Well, except for the Billster.

"Hey, I know that song! _Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_And they continued singing it for ever just because; it was the song that doesn't _MMPH!"

Everyone looked grateful as Severus, who had just reached Ginny and had grabbed hold of the boy and slapped a hand over his mouth. Severus then maneuvered the Billster around so they were both facing Ginny and thus proceeded to give her a look over to make sure she was not physically injured. She was covered in mud and slime with some sort of plant life hanging over one eye. Her hair was worse now then it had ever been before, even after her unfortunate landing upon her arrival in 1977. Out of the corner of his eye, Severus could see Lily smirking triumphantly. Ginny was also wearing what Severus supposed had previously been a blue bikini and was swamped by an oversized orange life jacket.

"Sweet Merlin girl, have you seen a mirror yet?" Severus had never been one for tact.

Ginny seemed to swell up like a balloon before deflating and simply glaring at the boy carrying her brother.

"You are very lucky I'm more interested in revenge then I am at countering insults Mister Snape. As it is, we require a planning session and I don't care who knows it. Where are the others?" Ginny said in one breath.

Tearing Severus' hand away from his mouth, the Billster was the one to answer Ginny's question.

"An older version of the Remster came up over there and they all went off with him." The boy informed her, puffing out his chest with self importance as he said it.

Ginny froze and looked around the room with a slightly shocked expression.

"Do you mean to tell _me_ that not only did I just swim a hell of a long distance through squid infested waters with a self propelled record player following me, get covered in slime and muck, and wear a ridiculously skimpy outfit… and also managed to miss Remus' visit?" The whole hall nodded with the exception of James who made to correct her.

"Actually it wasn't a self propelled record player; it was a record player resting atop of a double powered super sonic steam propelled monkey explosive tank death mobile of doom." Harry's future father informed them all.

Ginny blinked momentarily.

"A _what_?"

"A record player resting atop of a double powered super sonic steam propelled monkey explosive tank death mobile of DOOM of course." James repeated himself with an exasperated look. Ginny glared at him.

"I don't care what it was, it was evil. Evil I tell you!" Ginny started screaming again.

"Look Ginny, maybe you should calm down a little. I mean-" Severus paused as he heard something.

"What?" The Billster asked, twisting around in the boy's arms to look up at him, "What?"

It was then that they all heard it, drifting down the corridors of Hogwarts, out of sight but getting clearer, the familiar lyrics.

"Oh no!" Ginny whispered.

"_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_And they continued singing it for ever just because;_

_It was the song that doesn't end_

_And it goes on and on my friend_

_Be-cause-some_

_People started singing it not knowing what it was,_

_And they continued sing_-"

"Save meeeeee!" Ginny wailed and sprinted out of the hall, laughter following her the whole way.

* * *

Okay that was it people. Thank you for reading. While I expect you're all too mad at me for the time lapse to be bothered reviewing; please review anyway since if you take a look at how often I've updated AS as compared to this one lately, and then look at the review count… I'm sure you can make the connection. Please send ideas for Lily's marauder name.

**LOST:**

One Fan Fiction.

Featuring a Harry/Severus pairing, this story follows a plot where James and Lily never died, but simply moved to Australia (I think), leaving Harry to his fate. When they return they are upset with his choice of relationships. Sirius is alive btw.

If found, please PM or Review with story name or author name. Reward offered! No questions asked!

Will accept something similar and equally enjoyable as a replacement.


	12. Way To Go

Authors Notes: This story will now officially have seventeen chapters (so we're past half way) but there will definitely be a sequel but it won't be posted for a while. This is not me skipping out on finishing, I did originally plan to finish the story at the point at which I still plan to, and I've just added something so I can put in a sequel. Das ist all.

**Review Replies**

I replied via email. If you didn't get one, yours was sent after the alert system went down (how annoying was that BTW?) and you should receive one as soon as your review shows up in my inbox (which should be soon since they appear to be coming steadily at the moment). I did read them all and take them into account though.

_Parseltongue or just the normal reason for italics (accentuation)_

Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat. Neither does the cyber cookie fairy. Neither does the gay Casanova. Neither does the Grammar Gorilla. Neither do Pinkie or the Brain. Neither do the Questies (you know who you are). Neither does Bill Gates (gee there's a surprise). Nor does Stephanie Plum. Nor does my Duty Manager. Neither does Gjemma's evil boyfriend who dumped her in the nastiest of ways (you also know who you are… we are all plotting revenge you _jerk_ so expect us in full force **_soon_**).

Chapter 12

12th October 1977

The three young time travellers and their temporary companion all sat around a small table in the room Dumbledore had loaned them. Naturally, they had immediately taken off the listening charms and whatnot (he's a nice old man but he is nosy), but they had kept the pots of tea and lemon drops that had appeared shortly after the aged leader had left the room.

"Okay Remus, what's going on back home?" Harry started them off, slightly awkwardly.

"Same old, same old." Remus replied in a far too casual tone, "We really need to get you back though Harry. Wormtail or Narcissa or any number of other people on the other side would remember you being here and have doubtlessly told You-Know-Who about it. He hasn't done anything out of the ordinary yet but you can bet your bottom dollar he'll start soon."

"Can you give us any news about our families?" Pansy asked, indicating to herself and Draco.

"Only that they haven't been captured or identified in your parents case Pansy." Remus reassured her, "Mister Malfoy, we know for a fact that your mother is alive and well as she arrived at Hogwarts yesterday to find out where exactly you'd gone. I'm not certain of what Dumbledore told her. Your father, as you know, has not been spotted anywhere by our side since he was broken out of Azkaban along with the others last year so you probably know more about him then we do."

"Thank you Professor." Draco stated calmly, "While we are having a wonderful time here, we really must get back as soon as is possible. We all have roles to play both at school, and in the political realm."

"I know Mister Malfoy, we are working on it. At the moment it looks like you should be out of here before Halloween but there's no guarantee." Remus sighed but then perked up again, "Oh, do you perchance know when the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match is? It's the next one on the schedule but none of us back home can remember the exact date."

"Ah, yeah it's on the 17th of this month." Harry replied.

"Coolies. I seem to recall you mentioning a Past/Future match that could be held. We figured it would be good if we could hold it some time close to that match so… maybe on the 20th then?" Remus glanced around and received affirmative nods from the two regular quidditch players while Pansy, who couldn't fly to save her life simply rolled her eyes at the subject change, "Alright then, who do you want on your team?"

The two looked at each other.

"Do you want to play seeker Harry?" Draco offered "You'd be in direct competition with your father which would be a fun show plus… even I'm willing to admit that unless we pick professionals, you're probably the best seeker we could get."

"Sure. So that leaves you and Ginny as chasers so we need a chaser, beaters, and a keeper."

"No duh. Ah… Professor? Do they need to be current students?" Draco asked quizzically.

"I don't see why. They just have to be from the future. If you approach the students and teachers of this time with this idea then they're going to go through and pull up the best players from all houses so you may as well just one up them."

"Great!" Harry bounced up and down enthusiastically, "Then how about Oliver Wood for keeper, the twins for beaters and… um, I'm not sure about the other chaser. Draco?"

"How about Blaise? He joined last year and he's pretty darn good. Plus his family is neutral so there shouldn't be too many problems between Slytherins and Gryffindors this way despite our being severely outnumbered."

Harry shrugged, "Eh, me and Gin are practically Slytherins these days, the twins will be okay and Oliver really doesn't fit into any category except quidditch jock."

"… I'll agree with that one. Strait as an arrow though. Pity that." Draco looked wistful.

"Yeah, and after all those rumours I truly had my hopes up."

"Boys!" Pansy finally interrupted dryly, "As fascinating as this turn in the conversation is for us listeners, I think Remus has to go soon."

"Oh… right… sorry about that you two, we just got a bit distracted." Draco shifted uncomfortably.

"I'll see you three later then." Remus said getting up and checking his watch, "Say Hi to Ginny for me Harry." He smirked suddenly, "She's back by the way."

"What? Where did she go? What did you lot-?"

Harry was cut off from his frantic questions as Remus disappeared, still smirking.

"Damnit!" He shouted in exasperation.

"Language Potster." Draco sniffed, tossing his head.

"… Oh you did _not_ just call me that!"

"Save it for later boys," Pansy headed off the argument, "We may need our stamina to put up with one heck of a temper tantrum courtesy of one Ginny Weasley. I don't trust that smirk that Remus had on his face."

"I suppose you're right." Draco acknowledged.

"Come oh companions of champions unparalleled! We must brave the great beyond using all our strength and valour." Harry jumped back into his usual role of class clown with a flare unbeknown by most pranksters. Not many were of his calibre however so they were forgiven.

The three made their rather dramatic exit from the room before walking in a more sedate manner towards their next classes. Silence reigned between them for a while before Pansy finally put forward the question they were all asking.

"How upset do you think she'll be?"

- - - - - - - - - -

"THOSE SELF RIGHTEOUS RATBAG ARSE LICKING SON'S OF BITCHES!"

Draco, Pansy, Severus, and Harry all winced as yet another book went flying across the Room of Requirement. This rant had already been going for fifteen minutes after they had all gathered here following the end of classes for the day and a rather uncomfortable dinner with many still giggling students.

Severus had informed the other three of the morning's events and they had spent the whole day in trepidation of what they expected to be a colossal temper tantrum. This anxiety had only grown as Ginny refused to speak a word through the entire day except to respond to a teacher's specific enquiry.

"PIGFACED CUM EATING JERKOFFS! _GOD_ I CANNOT BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THEM! JUST WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE MESSING WITH?" Ginny gasped once before taking five deep breaths, "Alright, I'm okay now. But I _insist_ on revenge."

"O-of course Gin'. Anything you s-say." Draco stuttered out and they all moved closer together to begin planning.

"We could string them up inside the goal hoops out on the pitch." Pansy gave the first suggestion.

"Nah, it's been done before, plus it has to happen at night if we want full affect for the next day and that leaves too much time for them to work themselves loose." Harry vetoed it, having attempted this before on his two ex-best friends who got out of the situation only three hours later and woke the Gryffindor Golden Boy for early morning Quidditch practice… tied to Ron's broom and directed from below by Hermione in sickening spins that went dangerously close to the castle walls.

"Well, we could put up a screen in the Great Hall and have it project their most embarrassing memories?" Severus suggested unable to resist the opportunity to get the perfect revenge for several unfortunate moments in his fifth year.

"Again no." Ginny sighed, choosing to pass up her own wish for vengeance for practicalities sake, "Some may be to do with things that would be _far_ too humiliating or worse, connected with Remus' _monthlies_ which would be a bad thing to reveal."

"Flaming underwear? Colour blindness or cross-eyed ness? Sticking charms on their socks? We haven't done that in a while." Draco began spouting out some ideas, "Swap their quills with Quick Quoters? Swap their ink with permanent non-instant invisibility ink so they find all their notes or homework blank? An attack of blue geese? Snapper beetles in their food? Piercings in uncomfortable places when they wake up?"

"I vote that regardless of what we do; we definitely do the piercings along with it." Ginny nominated, "But it _unquestionably_ has to be something _far_ bigger then those."

"Undoubtedly." Severus agreed, understanding the want for revenge and deciding this could count as his main grudge settler. Not that that meant he would then consider the marauders his favoured pals, but he wouldn't scowl so much at their approach. He'd probably just smirk instead.

"Undeniably." Pansy added her approval, realizing the injustice with having your hair ruined twice in less then a week along with a perfectly decent bikini. _Honestly_.

"Indisputably." Draco nodded along with the others. He was a Malfoy and thus understood the indignity that comes from being followed around by an unstoppable Muggle device.

"Indubitably." Harry added slowly, "And I think I know how."

"Well?" Ginny asked eagerly, "Spill mister! We all want to hear this genius proposal of yours."

"Patience is a virtue my dear." Harry patted her on the shoulder in a patronizing manner stolen straight from Dumbledore.

"Harry?"

"Yes Draco my sweet?"

"Just a quick question… when you die, can I have your Firebolt?"

"Oh hush you." Harry scolded in his most 'camp' voice complete with an air slap in Draco's direction, "Well Gin' I was thinking maybe we could begin to make use of some of the products sent to us by your wonderful and sexy brothers, namely the horse costume, the catnip and the squid bate."

"… oooo-kaaaay then. And how exactly were you planning on using those?"

"Well, before I can explain, you should know that this part of the prank will only affect two of them so which ones did you want it to be?" Harry asked but then stopped Ginny before she could nominate the victims, "Perhaps this should be a joint revenge. How about Gin and Sev both pick one of the main victims? Keep in mind, we'll do something to the others as well, it just won't be as big."

"Aaaww! Now _this_ is a tough choice. Sev? Can you go first?" Ginny pouted adorably at her future professor.

"Of course Ginny," Severus stated before smirking, "I nominate Black for victim number one."

"No complaints there." Draco muttered, still sore about his eagle interpretation which Sirius had taken the credit for in the dorm when they knew Harry had been listening.

"Ginny?" Pansy asked the still contemplative girl.

Ginny was silent for a moment before turning to face Pansy.

"Did future Remus tell you what they'd done to me?" She asked.

"No, but he did seem a little saddened that he couldn't."

"Yeah, but what was all that smirking about later?" Draco mused aloud.

"Going from what Sev told us, that matched up with when you were fleeing from the record player resting atop of a double powered super sonic steam propelled monkey explosive tank death mobile of doom." Harry commented to Ginny who glared at the world in general.

"I nominate Remus Lupin as victim number two." She stated matter-of-factly with a decided smirk.

"Okay then conspirators for deeds dastardly." Harry intoned and grinned at them all.

Regardless of evil plots, nasty bigot attitudes, or scary sinister smirking from usually sweet sixteen year olds, Harry was always quick to resume his usual exuberance, complete with bouncing. He struck a dramatic pose which had its effect ruined by the continuous bouncing which made it a hard position to hold.

"We're going to need a bit of planning time for this one so let's aim for the day after tomorrow which will hopefully lull them into a false sense of security considering that so far we've been pretty prompt with our counter attacks. The piercings Draco suggested have to be very particularly placed…"

- - - - - - - - - -

"Sweet Merlin, Lily that was the best plan ever to be created in the history of man and ape kind!" James cried, as Lily smiled shyly at the praise she was receiving from all four Marauders.

"I must agree Lily, it was truly Marauder Worthy." Remus agreed. Usually he was more cautious about going along with these things but he needed to regain some marauder status and as such had fully endorsed and help execute the 'Get Ginny Back for Lily's Hair Disaster' prank.

The other two continued to voice similar praise before James interrupted by clapping his hands together. Sirius and Peter both swung round to face him, succeeding in losing their balance for what must have been the millionth time in their career as marauders, landing bottoms up on the boys' dormitory floor.

"I vote," James began, "That we begin the formal process of inducting Miss Lily Evans as an official marauder."

"Er, part-time marauder." Lily corrected, deciding that she could skip out on the regular perving sessions into the girls' showers and other such crude male practices.

"Um… alright then." James accepted, "Who's with me on this one? Boys?"

"I second it!" Cried Peter, rolling over and sitting bolt upright on the floor with his arm stretched skyward, succeeding in knocking Remus out of his chair in the process.

"I third it." Remus agreed glaring at Peter from his new lowly status.

"I fourth it!" Sirius screeched, starling James enough for him to slide out of his own seat, "But," Sirius frowned, "She will need the marauder name she was asking for."

"Your right I guess," James looked disheartened for a moment as he pulled his knees up toward him to lean against the side of Peter's trunk, "Hmm, how about Bugsy?"

They all shook their heads and as if on queue, they all –Lily included- began spouting off their own suggestions.

"Tiger Lily?"

"Lame Padfoot. How about Velvet?"

"Doesn't really suit her… Firefly?"

"Mmm, possibly, it is pretty. Perhaps I could be Lotus?"

"Er, why?"

"Because of my name everyone always uses flower analogies to describe me but no ones ever likened me to a Lotus."

"It has to fit your personality or 'inner animal'. How about Capriccia?"

"Seems a bit long, but it could work and it certainly suits her. Italian right? Hmm… how about SpongeBob?"

"It could work but I'm having this weird premonition that if we use that one we could be up for a huge copyright case in twenty something years that, while possibly earning all of us a lot of money, would also most likely be very time consuming and frustrating and ultimately would probably take ten years off of our lives."

"The Super Moony Powers at work 'ey?"

"_Yes_ Prongs, my Super Moony Powers can see twenty something years into the future and deliberate over the possible out comes of a nickname. While we wait, they could probably whip us up some chocolate thickshakes."

"I KNEW IT!"

"Prongs… have you ever heard of sarcasm?"

"Shut it Padfoot, I'm gloating."

"Boys!"

The four original marauders looked up from their positions on the floor at their soon to be co-prankster who glared down at them.

"We don't have to pick now you know and _really_ you lot. We are in the middle of a hugely important competition and we just dealt a serious blow to the enemy. Shouldn't you be putting a little more concentration into defence mechanisms rather then attempting to give James here the tongue lashing of his life?"

"Well we should, but this is more fun. Care to add your tongue to the masses Evans?" Sirius grinned up at her wickedly.

She turned her death glare towards the blue eyed boy but was cut off from her sharp retort when Peter fell backward, dislodging the girl from her seat and depositing her on the floor with the rest of them. She lay there for a moment before sighing.

"Is this going to stop soon or will I have oddly shaped bruises indefinitely?" She asked quite calmly.

Remus smiled sympathetically, "You may wish to start habitually casting cushioning charms on yourself."

"HI Y'ALL!" Harry cried out, bouncing into the room with his arms flailing madly in cheerful greeting.

He kept up this jovial salutation for some thirty seconds before slowing. He lowered his arms and gave them all a decidedly confused look.

"Ah… why are all five of you sitting on the floor?"

- - - - - - - - - -

Well, _I_ like this chapter. I feel it is an improvement on the last one. My muse felt sorry for me and has returned from Aruba. Isn't she wonderful? Plus she brought plot bunnies as a peace offering so expect to see some oneshots soon.

A big thanks to Cricket244 for giving me the name of the fic I couldn't find. It was The Return by Leozodiac and was still a fun read. Cricket244 did not tell me what she wanted as a reward (as far as I know, but alerts _have_ been down) but the offer still stands if she lets me know before the next chapter (hint, hint).


	13. Pure Pleasure Seeker

Authors Notes: Four chapters to go after this one and the sequel will come along eventually. Now, _I_ have had this fabulous idea that I receive 10 reviews for this chapter; the next chapter will be 5000 words long with no time delay because of the length. How's that for bribery hmm?

Disclaimer: Don't own. If you want more information about other people who don't own Harry Potter just go back and read the disclaimer for other chapters, I'm too focused on other stuff to think up an extra thingy now.

Chapter 13

13th October 1977

It was fair to say that by the evening of the day after their successful attack on Ginny, the Marauders were bloody terrified. Not merely worried, or apprehensive, or concerned or even wary, they were simply down right terrified. They had (after their gloating session) been expecting a large scale return attack but for the entire day following their success, the opposition had been almost civil. In the morning the Marauders had all disabled their recently improved wards and looked around to see if anything had been done while they dozed. They had naturally been rather surprised when the only out of the ordinary event to occur that morning was that Harry gave each of them a colossal bear hug before wishing them a nice day and skipping out of the room.

Upon arriving at the Great Hall for breakfast, wands at the ready in case of a sudden attack, they had found Lily sitting slouched over her breakfast, shoveling the food off her plate and into her mouth at high speed while shifting her gaze this way and that looking a bit like a rabbit that had smelled a fox. Strange how sometimes metaphors and similes are often a lot closer to reality then their creator originally intended. Oh well. She was quick to inform them in a rather shaky voice that rather then waking to the expected nasty prank that they had all been prepared for, she had had the dubious pleasure of awakening to Ginny Weasley singing _Oh what a beautiful moooorniiiing, Oh what a beautiful daaaaay_ in joyous tones through her entire morning ritual.

Many years later it was suspected that this may have been the root cause for the massive therapist bills Lily Evans (later Potter) clocked up from her first day out of Hogwarts. Of course since she would not _remember_ this morning it is doubtless the issue was only remembered subconsciously thus explaining why her therapist was never able to determine exactly _what_ had driven Lily Evans up the wall.

In transfiguration, as the first class of the day, Severus offered to carry James' books, while Draco held doors open for Remus and the followed him to his next class, stopping the lycanthrope so that he could spread his robes on the floor before him every time they approached anything even _remotely_ resembling a puddle. Both marauders were logically slightly unnerved by this and felt Sirius had gotten off easy. They of course did not realize that since breakfast, he had been receiving increasingly raunchy love notes from the teen he knew would one day be his godson. By DADA all three sported a nervous twitch.

Peter had not fared much better, having been pounced on by Pansy in COMC and given a complete makeover. This was not your typical revenge makeover, rather it was a rather classy one that left him looking stylishly suave (or as much so as is possible with seventies fashion).

Lily meanwhile had to deal with incessant humming throughout every one of her classes with the other red-head and had Christmas jingles stuck in her head in all the other ones. As the Americans say; _guns_ don't kill people, shopping mall _Christmas_ _jingles_ kill people.

I will now repeat once more; it was fair to say that by the evening of the day after their successful attack on Ginny, the Marauders (plus Lily) were bloody terrified.

"I swear, the way she looked at me, I was sure she was going to try and hug me." Peter whispered, clutching tight to his teddy bear (Mr. Yappy).

"Good God man, that's horrific." Remus' voice was slightly strained and somewhere over the course of the day his new twitch had developed into full blown spasms every seven minutes, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at a Malfoy the same way again. He was gracious for crying out loud! What kind of Malfoy is gracious?"

"The scary kind of course," James replied, as he gently clasped his ultra-manly completely normal action figure (…Schnookums), "Or the kind who has a godfather with a multiple personality disorder. Although, I don't think one of those options works without the other. I don't know if I can take much more of this guys! I… I… I almost _thanked_ Snivellus today!"

"I don't know… was he serious? Should I sit down and have a talk with him when he's about thirteen about 'feelings'?" Sirius was staring blankly at the ceiling above him as he lay on the bed deliberating the day's occurrences with no mind of the actual conversation going on around him. His favorite tube of hair gel was sheltered protectively in his arms and he stroked it occasionally as though it would soon turn into a fluffy white cat and force Sirius himself to number everyone he met.

"Evans? What do you think we should do?" Peter finally snapped out of his state and turned to face the newly declared 'master planner'.

"…"

"Evans?"

"_Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way._" Lily sang quietly as she rocked backward and forward in the corner of the room.

"Okay, okay, let's all keep it together people." Sirius finally sat up and looked at them all sternly, "What kind of wimps are you? You can't handle a few compliments? You _need_ to receive daily abuse? Honestly, you are all acting like a bunch of eight year old girls were just taken (along with their 'My Little Pony' kits) on a school excursion to the glue factory."

"Ah… Padfoot? Dude? You're hugging a tube of hair gel." James pointed out.

"Look, let's not start judging one another my brethren," Sirius continued while throwing the tube across the room, "The point is, we know they're up to something, but we can't let it get to us. Let's just set our wards, go to sleep, and treat tomorrow as a whole new day."

"You're right Sirius." Lily got up with one hand triumphantly pointed toward the ceiling, "We will face this together! I'll see you four in the morning."

"Bye Evans." James called after the retreating red-head.

"Okay, g'night everyone." Remus nodded at the all before crawling into his bed, the wards flaring behind him as he burrowed under the covers before poking his head up to watch the others.

"Night guys." Peter before following Remus' example.

"Aren't you going to bed Padfoot?" James asked curiously as he watched his friend.

"Ah… yeah in a minute, I just have to get something."

"… Sirius?"

"Yeah Prongs?"

"Are you coddling that tube of hair gel you threw across the room earlier because I was under the impression that you were trying to prove you didn't care about it."

"… Don't listen to him baby, Daddy would _never_ do anything to hurt you. _That's_ right. Who's Daddy's little girl hey? _You_ are. _Yes_ you are. _Yes_ you are."

- - - - - -

"Ooooowww." Remus groaned as he tried to straighten his back, "Why the _hell_ am I bent in half and… _oh my god_ there's an arse in my face!"

"Remus? Is that you?"

"Sirius?" Remus asked in confusion, "Why do you look like an arse? I mean, I understand if you're trying to portray your true personality in your outward appearance but does it really have to be quite so close to my nose? My super moony powers will never be the same again."

"_Ha_ bloody _ha_ Moony." Sirius yelled back at him, "Now I realize that you probably haven't got the greatest view from back there but up here I appear to be looking at things straight from the horse's mouth."

"Ah Padfoot my man? That's not _exactly_ how the saying goes."

"I realize that Moony but we are currently trapped in a horse suit."

"…"

"Moony? Remus? You still with me?"

"Yeah. I'm guessing this is that big revenge huh?"

"I'd imagine so."

"Alright then. Well, this isn't too bad. There's no-one out there watching us is there?"

"No we're in the clear."

"Okay, so we just have to get out of this suit." Remus began shifting around, "Hey! I found the zipper!"

"Great!" Sirius replied excitedly, (he was starting to sweat), "So pull it open and let's see what the next part of the prank is."

"… Ah, I think I already know what the next part is and it has to do with the reason I can't get the zipper undone." Remus informed his co-marauder sadly.

"What? What?"

"Well, it seems the tag on the zip is looped through my left nipple ring."

"…Okaaay, how long have you had a nipple ring and why have I never noticed it?"

"Well I'm not quite sure when I got it but I'd pin the time at sometime in the past eight hours." Remus stated matter of factly.

"…"

"Padfoot?"

"Oh _crap_! I've got two as well and… oh sweet Merlin."

"Padfoot?" Moony whispered in a panicked tone as he heard his friend's trauma.

"Moony, I'm not sure if you want to know what I just discovered but," Sirius' voice went slightly high pitched as he tried to continue, "You may want to look downward for… _other_ piercings."

"…"

"_Past_ your naval Moony. _That_ wouldn't be nearly so bad."

"Well?"

"_Oh FUCK_!"

- - - - - -

"Hey, Harry… son." James shifted uncomfortably as the other Potter paused his conversation with the Billster and swung his legs over the bench to face his future daddy.

"Hey, what can I do you for big guy?" He asked sweetly, batting his eyelids.

"… Okay now _that's_ just disturbing." James shook himself a little before continuing, "Now, I realize we weren't exactly helpful when you were looking for the swamp monster over there-"

"Wow _way_ to get him more talkative there Einstein." Lily cut in sarcastically.

"Shush Evans." James flapped at the girl as Harry raised an eyebrow at the pair, "Ah… have you seen Remus or Sirius?"

Harry looked at them both for a moment before flipping one leg over the other to cross them both in an elegant manner and placing his hands daintily on his knees.

"Who?" He asked in mock confusion.

"Look, we're _really_ sorry about what happened to Ginny here," James nodded at Ginny who glared at him, "But we're really worried about them. _Please_." He added.

"Look," Harry leant forward and cocked his hand delicately in his fathers direction, "Don't worry about your boys, they're just getting in touch with their animal instincts."

"Now listen here you little arsehole!" Lily too leant forward but in a decidedly more threatening manner, "We want to know where they are _now_! And more importantly, I want you to know that I _know_ that you are responsible for my," She looked around fearfully and hissed, "_Nipple ring_!"

"Oh sweetie, of _course_ we were responsible for that one." Ginny gushed, "But don't worry, it won't sting for much longer and I'd be happy to show you how to make sure it doesn't get infected or anything. If you want, I have a few pretty ones which _really_ make a girl feel special." She winked conspiratorially, "They keep the boys keen too." She added.

"… What colours do you have?" Lily asked.

"Oh every one you could ever _dream_ of." Ginny assured her.

"Well… okay then, but you'd better hope Sirius and Remus aren't mad about whatever you've done." Lily decided, "Come one Potter, Pettigrew."

She began walking off but turned when she realized the other two were just staring at her.

"Potter!"

"… Guh." James finally stuttered.

"I _think_ he heard you say _nipple ring_ sweetie." Harry whispered, "And Peter, stop hiding back there, you're not going to suffer for the most recent attack on my darling friend here."

"Ciao amici!" Ginny sang out as Lily dragged James away by his collar (although he wasn't looking too upset about the whole situation) and Peter trailed behind them.

- - - - - -

"Okay, so as far as I can tell, we're somewhere on the grounds but not in the forest." Sirius finally informed Remus after several minutes of trying to co-ordinate their legs, "Oh yeah, I can see the castle not _too_ far away and the lake is just to our left."

It would have been a strange sight if anyone had been out an about as what _appeared_ to be a giant yellow cartoon-like horse staggered around next to the lake in a rather drunken manner. Inside the suit, Remus and Sirius were sweating due to the close contact and lack of fresh air. Their opposition _had_ kept a steady oxygen flow into the suit but the air was still very stale. It didn't help that as of three minutes ago it had finally dawned on them that in order for them to have actually been able to examine their new jewelry, the must be naked. Needless to say, Remus was now trying to keep his face as _far_ from Sirius'… attributes as possible.

"I cannot _believe_ they did this to us." He muttered as he followed the slightly confusing directions Sirius was passing back, "Why _us_ for Merlin's sake? Why not Lily? She was the master-mind for the whole thing."

"I understand your complaints Moony but would you mind concentrating a little? I really don't want to fall over again. Last time it really hurt my knees."

"Your _knees_?" Remus shouted "What the hell do you think happens to my nipple when we change the angle of the suit? Try to remember I'm currently attached to the zipper on this god-forsaken contraption."

"_REMUS_! Don't do that or we'll… aaaaw fuck!"

Remus had been unintentionally stamping his feet as he shouted and the movement disrupted their steady pace causing Sirius to slip and pull them both down the long slope to their left and for them to skid about six metres into the water.

"… Owwy." Remus finally stated after a few moments of silence.

"I don't think this could possibly get any worse." Sirius decided for them.

"Oh I think it can," Remus contradicted. "I get the decided feeling we're sinking."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Sirius screamed and began thrashing wildly.

"Sirius calm down! The suit has some kind of charm on it to prevent water seeping in and to keep up oxygen flow." Remus tried desperately to get his friend to halt his movements as it brought him closer and closer to the other boys 'naughty bits'.

"Sorry! Sorry Remus." Sirius cried as he froze on the spot.

"S'okay. You didn't mean to."

"…"

"…"

"Well, least _now_ it can't get any worse." Sirius tried.

"Please, _please_ don't tempt fate Padfoot." Remus begged in despair, but it was too late! Only seconds later, Remus knew that the world was most assuredly watched over by a deity in the form of a sadistic toddler, "Ah, Padfoot? Something that felt most definitely like a tentacle just wrapped around my legs."

- - - - - -

"Ah, I _love_ squid bait don't you Severus?" Pansy sighed as they sat side by side in their Herbology class at that exact moment.

- - - - - -

"_HOLY SHIT_!_ WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE_!" Sirius screamed as they were both whipped through the water.

"Please, whatever happens, promise me you'll sing _Oh What a Beautiful Morning_ at my funeral just to traumatize Lily and destroy any chance of her and Prongs getting it on as my last ever Marauder prank." Remus sobbed as he thrashed wildly in his sweat covered confiner.

"I swear on my Marauder spirit Moony."

"Thank-you. That means a lot to me."

"I'm glad. Now if you'll excuse me… _HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP_!"

If any of the Hogwarts students had happened to glance toward the lake at any time during the next fourteen hours they would have been greeted by the unusual sight of the giant squid thrashing around in ecstasy as it sucked on a yellow cartoon-like horse in a manner reminiscent of a baby with a pacifier. For most of the time, they would have only been able to see the head of the horse but occasionally the squid would toss it in the air and catch it so that only a pair of horsy legs and a horsy behind was visible. _Some_ may have even claimed they could hear the horse screaming desperately for release.

Unfortunately for Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (or luckily, depending on how much they valued their dignity), not one student turned to glance out at the lake that day. In fact, the only person who _did_ see it simply chucked and popped yet another lemon drop into his mouth.

- - - - - -

"My back hurts."

"Oh poor _diddums_! Do you need to sit down? Oh here, let me get you a blanket. Would a massage help at all?"

"… Shut up Moony."

"So's your face."

"What? That didn't even make sense!"

"I know Padfoot but I'm too tired to put any thought to my words. Oh look! A window!"

"Hey guy!" James grinned at the exhausted pair as the limped slowly up the stairs towards their dorm, "How come you weren't in any classes today?"

"Shush! No talking." Remus ground out, "We'll tell you later. Right now, sleeeeeep."

"Ah, that may be a bit more difficult then you think." Peter informed them, wincing away in preparation.

"Hang on a second," Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulder, "Why are you two sitting on the floor against the door? It's eleven at night."

"A red-headed boy appeared just after our last class." James began glumly, "My future son squealed like a little girl and leapt into said boy's arms. After an almost voyeuristic experience for the rest of us, they sprinted back here, locked the door with some sort of unbreakable charm, and have been at it ever since."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Remus began, "Do you mean to tell me that for the final few hours of our extended suffering… this kid was busy getting _laid_?"

"Yeah pretty much… some of the noises that have come through have been almost _disturbing_." Peter added, "I don't think I'll ever be able to hear the name George again without flinching."

There was silence for a moment and then they all heard the sound of a slap followed by a loud and certainly erotic moan from the room.

"What the hell are you planning on teaching your children Prongs?" Remus yelled at his dorm-mate.

"I don't know where the hell he gets the kinky streak I've recently heard he possesses but I assure you that when he gets back to his own time, future me will be having a _loooong_ talk with that boy."

"As will I." Sirius added, remembering earlier notes he'd received from his friend's son, "But a better question right now would be; why didn't you two just cast silencing charms or move away from the door if it disturbed you so much?"

"…"

"…"

"You didn't think of it did you?"

"… No."

"Okay then… why not?"

"Because I was hit in the head by a hippogriff earlier today and James recently discovered that Lily received a nipple ring as her morning wake-up gift." Peter responded automatically and the three boys all watched as James' eyes glazed over and a strand of drool lowered itself from the corner of his mouth.

"_Awesome_!" Sirius yelled and high-fived a semi-conscious James.

"Enough gentlemen," Remus instructed, still swaying slightly on the spot as he tried to stay awake, "Now, let's go down to the common room and kip out on the couches. But first; _silencio_!"

"OH GOD! GEORGE, OOOOH! Do that again." Came the now amplified cries from the seventh year dormitories.

"What the _fuck_?" Sirius screeched as dormitory doors opened all along the stairwell and the younger boys stuck their heads out to see what the ruckus was about.

"Oh come _on_!" Remus cried out, "Are you trying to kill us kid?"

"Shit, come on guys, let's try and get this thing to stop."

Unbeknownst to the four sufferers outside, inside the dorm a very sated Boy-Who-Lived was grinning at his pranking mentor.

"How long do you think it will take them to figure out that we borrowed my father's record player resting atop of a double powered super sonic steam propelled monkey explosive tank death mobile of doom, made a tape, and that what they've been hearing for the past hour and a half has just been a repeat of what they heard before then?" Harry asked George curiously.

"Dunno, but do you think they might be able to figure out a way to get a video camera to work in magical environments as well as this record player? Just a question for future reference… I don't need the answer straight away."

- - - - - -

Once again I repeat that if I get **10** **reviews**, the next chapter will be **5000** **words** long **without any time delay** due to the length (i.e. it will come out exactly when I intend it to on my schedule). It's not blackmail since I'm not withholding anything. Instead I'm offering something new which means its bribery. I would also like to point out at this stage that my muse spent about eight hours gushing to my Abandon Ship muse about how wonderful Aruba is which triggered him to go on vacation too... thus it is not my fault that Abandon Ship hasn't been updated but I am working to get it up before the eighth. Also, the plot bunnies my muse gave as a peace offering had rabies which is the only explanation I can come up with for the upcoming addition to my story count "A True Source of Happiness".

Finally: Please inform me if I went a little too far with this chapter as I am a little worried I have (I was in a wierd mood when I wrote this).


	14. OK, Go

Authors Notes: Well, this is chapter fourteen (duh) which means three to go (again duh, but only if you've been paying attention to the Authors Notes). As such, I will again remind y'all that there will be a sequel and you will see why at the end of the story. I think it's pretty obvious what I'm going to do but I'm writing it so I may be bias. Ah, I do have every chapter of this story planned out so there should be no hinks to cause any more delays and as such I should be posting the final chapters regularly over the next few weeks. Oh, I got my 12 reviews so this chapter is over 5000 words (by my computer's count. FF is sometimes a little off in their counting system. If you think I'm lying to you, pull me up on it. Come on! I dare you to sit there and count every word without relying on ff or transferring to Microsoft word!). I apologize about the delay, but it was not related to the word length so I kept my promise. Computers can be a bitch sometimes. Thank-you all for bearing with me.

Grazie Signori.

Disclaimer: I think it should be obvious I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 14

15th October 1977

"Ciao amici!"

"Evans… you can't quote the enemy." James informed her; dead-tone, "Especially after what they did to Moony and Padfoot and what Harry then did to all of us. And besides, why are you saying ciao? You just got here."

"Ciao is the casual form of hello and goodbye dickwad." Lily informed him, "What did they do to you guys anyway? I'm going to take a guess and assume it has to do with the reason you two didn't attend a single class yesterday which bought you two weeks of detention from McGonagall by the way."

"… Oh… darn." Remus finally replied after a long silence.

"Ah, okay," Lily finally picked up on the lack of reactions she was getting out of them all, "I was expecting a bit more of a reaction from you with that one and usually Potter would be a bit more enthusiastic then he was when telling me off for something. What's wrong with you all?"

"Well Evans," James began slowly, "Sirius and Remmy had a rough day and… well… none of us got much sleep last night."

"… Does this have to do with Anna running back into the dorm this morning claiming four hideous, hairless, sloth-like messes had taken over the furniture in the common room? She said it was a traumatizing sight."

"It may have been related."

"Mmhm. Would it also have something to do with the Billster coming into the Great Hall this morning saying someone had been screaming in your room for most of the night and that all the boys had to cast silencing charms over their dormitory doors just to get some sleep?"

"… It may have been related."

"Mmhm. I'm going to take a guess here and say that the other team made Remus and Black's lives hell for most of yesterday and then none of you could get into your dorm to sleep because other Potter was getting laid in a noisy and disturbing manner."

"… Are you psychic as well?"

"As well as who Potter?" Lily asked in confusion.

"No one, never mind."

"Look, I'm sure whatever they did must have been awful for you although very amusing for them so what we need to do is plan some revenge." Lily began her on the spot coaching session, "Remus, they're obviously mad at you or future you for something because otherwise they wouldn't have chosen you to specifically exact revenge against. What you should do is approach them and say you 'apologize sincerely if you've offended them in anyway because this prank war has gotten out of hand and you never meant to anger them too severely'." Remus nodded and placed his head on the table before them in an attempt to sleep.

"Black, you have an innate ability to piss off everyone you meet so don't even bother going over there to apologize because you'd probably end up insulting their mothers or something. Instead, you just need to try your hardest to find their weak spots." Sirius looked slightly affronted but passed up his opportunity for rebuttal in favor of following Remus' example of 'new and innovative ways to try and sleep on a table'.

"Potter, Pettigrew… you both just do whatever it is you do in your free time when you haven't obviously mortally insulted anyone as Remus and Black obviously have."

"Sir yes Sir!" James saluted having drunk enough coffee to respond in true marauder fashion without passing out from the exertion.

"Correction," Lily began acidly while staring at James, "Pettigrew, you go and do whatever it is you do in your free time when you haven't obviously mortally insulted anyone as Remus, Black and _Potter_ obviously have. Potter, _you_ start running."

"It wasn't _that_ bad."

"Potter… in my view; you just suggested I was not of female gender."

"… Leaving now."

Sirius and Remus both raised their heads momentarily to watch James sprint from the Great Hall. They turned as one to look at Lily with matching confused faces.

"What-"

"Go back to sleep you two," Lily instructed them as Peter choked on his tea through laughter at the whole situation, "Potter just did something stupid again."

"Oh." Remus said calmly and twisted around in his seat till he was balanced rather precariously but quite obviously managing to get his forty winks.

Sirius kept his head upright and looked at Lily.

"What?" she finally asked.

He stared at her for a moment longer before;

"Is it true that since yesterday morning you have a nipple ring?"

"Black, I believe you know what I'm about to suggest." Lily commented dryly as she finished a piece of toast and thumped Peter on the back as he started choking again.

"Also leaving now."

- - - - - - - - - -

The day was filled with mostly minor pranks, Draco found that anything he'd spread on his toast during breakfast tasted like shoe polish as soon as it touched his tongue and as a result James found that every surface he sat on during Potions acted like a Muggle whoopee cushion whenever he shifted. Even minutely. Severus found he could only refer to any girl as _dude_ and all boys became _M'Lady_. He was slapped and punched none too gently several times before the others got the spell to go away. Only minutes after their triumph at ending the charm the Marauders had figured out that this spell had not been easy for them to defeat and began using it in earnest. Ginny walked around the school for almost twelve minutes asking every person she saw when they'd last taken a bath, Harry screamed _take me with you!_ every time someone left the room he was in, and Pansy, in a rather inspired effort by the Marauders, went around the school specifically informing all the teachers that she had a matching set of nipple rings. Draco and Severus had their hands full fixing all their companions.

As a result of this short period of suffering, Pansy insisted they assist that the next prank should hold some nostalgic significance. Mostly because she still thought Harry's original pranks was the only easily repeatable prank they had played which would cause the Marauders and Lily their due amount of suffering. For a full two hours after classes ended all five members of their opposition saw partially hidden first years holding tones of fruit in every single nook and cranny they passed. After no attacks were made they assumed it was a purely psychological prank and made the mistake of lowering their shields. If one had ever been faced with a massive army of what appear to be cloned eleven year olds holding fruit, one would understand the trauma the Marauders went through.

Though the Marauders were rather upset with what had occurred, this turned out to be the last prank of the day and the Marauders and Lily all disappeared immediately after dinner. Consequently; Pansy, Draco, Ginny, Harry, and Severus spent most of the evening extending their imaginations to try and figure out what sinister plans the other team could have in store and _what_ in these plans required the still overly tired Marauders to not return to their dorm until nine thirty that evening.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Lotus!"

"Firefly!"

"Lotus!"

"Firefly!"

"Lotus!"

"Padfoot! Evans! Will you stop with the damn repeating? It's driving me bonkers." Remus shook his head.

"Oh like you weren't already there Moony." Sirius shot back, "Besides, why are you yelling at me? _She's_ the one being unreasonable. She's not even allowed a say in what her Marauder name is."

"Since when?" Lily asked, outraged.

"Since none of us got to." Peter informed her, "Thus the reason Remus ended up as Moony. Padfoot's idea of humor that one was."

"…That actually explains a lot about what I've seen of Black's character." Lily replied in an enlightened tone.

"Ha, ha. Very funny." Sirius scowled, "Oh and Evans, once you're a Marauder you're not allowed to refer to us by our last names unless you are making a point. You have to use first names or Marauder names."

"Whatever."

"Look, how about we have it that neither of your suggestions is used and we pick a new name?" Peter offered a solution for the never resolved argument between Lily and Sirius.

"_Fine_." Lily and Sirius chorused dramatically.

There was a momentary silence in the usually deserted tower the five had inhabited since they'd left the Great Hall after dinner as all of them sat around trying to think of the best name for Lily Evans to call herself as a Marauder.

"This is actually a lot harder then expected when you try and put thought into it." Peter finally spoke for them (today was one of his rare voluntarily talkative days).

"How did you guys figure out your names?" Lily asked curiously.

"I think we may have been smoking pot at the time." Remus admitted after a long silence.

"Ah."

"We could always just call her Foxy." James finally put in his two cents.

"Shut it Potter." Remus, Sirius and Peter all spoke in unison before Lily could open her mouth.

There were a couple more immature suggestions before Peter slammed his fist down on the table before them causing Sirius to slip off of his chair.

"I have it!" Peter cried out (he was really on a roll today).

"Well?"

"Elf!" He stated somewhat triumphantly, "Because Elves are beautiful creatures but impossible to tame or control with a high intelligence and an incredibly devious nature that no one would ever suspect from looking at them."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Oh my god Peter, I think you've actually got it." James whispered, "That's bloody perfect. Someone pinch me, our little Wormtail is growing up!"

"Fuck you Prongs."

"Sorry Peter."

"All in favor of _Elf_ say aye." Remus stated formally.

"_Aye_!"

"Lily Evans, I dub thee… Elf." Remus declared in his best overly dramatic voice.

"Coolio. Hey, I was thinking," Lily looked around at them all as Sirius got back into his seat, "I got the impression from a couple of comments our opposition made today that they won't be here for much longer. As such I was thinking we should sort of lay off the pranking."

"I guess you're right." Remus sighed, "But let's not tell them okay? We'll let them sweat it for a while imagining what we could be planning that is taking us this long."

"In a way that's the greatest prank of all." James laughed a little, "They'll spend hours trying to figure it all out."

- - - - - -

"Where've you guys been?" Asked a particularly twitchy Harry as the four male Marauders entered the dorm room (even boy wonders get nervous when their temporary enemies disappear for long periods of time).

"No where." Sirius replied, batting his eyelids innocently.

"Sirius, _please_ don't bat your eyelids at me." Harry implored in desperation, "Out of this dorms occupants only _I_ am allowed to bat my eyelids. Besides, it's just a little bit disturbing to see someone I know as _Snuffles_ act towards me in a traditionally flirtatious manner."

"Oh? Going on the notes I was receiving the day before yesterday, I'd say you are being a little contradictive with that 'just a little bit disturbing' comment."

Harry looked at him in horror for a moment before flipping around on the bed so that he could thump his head repetitively against the headboard.

"You've dug your own grave there Bambi." Remus chuckled as he crawled into bed.

"How many times do I have to tell you Moony?" Sirius yelled exasperatedly "It's _Prongslet_!"

"Let it go Padfoot."

"Hmph."

"Hmph yourself."

"I still disagree about the constant Bambi thing."

"I haven't called him that since his first day here!" Remus cried, "Well… until now." He amended.

"Maybe not, but you were _thinkin'_ _it_."

"… Jeez you can be lame sometimes Padfoot."

"Meh."

"Meh yourself."

"…"

"…"

"Is he still whacking against the headboard?"

"Why yes indeed he is Padfoot."

"Maybe we should stop him before he loses what brain cells he has left."

"Coming from you? That's pretty rich."

"Jerk."

"Wanker."

"Arseface."

"Booger breath."

"Booger breath?"

"I'm not sure where that one came from." Remus looked momentarily sheepish.

"_Silencio_!_ Silencio_!"

"Good thinking Wormtail."

"Thanks Prongs. Now would you stop your son's head-banger routine? It's keeping me awake."

- - - - - -

16th October 1977

"Well? Did you find out what they're planning?" Draco asked Harry impatiently.

"No… not exactly. I think they're borrowing our tactic of pretending they're not going to do anything."

"Ah. That's bad."

"Guys, guys, don't get so down already," Ginny looked around at her companions, "Maybe they're just taking a break because they don't want to jeopardize their chances in the Quidditch match tomorrow."

"Ginny, they are playing against Hufflepuff." Severus said patiently, "_Nothing_ could jeopardize their chances of winning. If a giant meteorite came out of the sky and wiped out every member of the team apart from the keeper they'd probably still win by at least twenty points."

"Yes, but they probably don't want to get worn out before the match against us future dudes." Ginny pointed out.

"Er… Ginny?" Draco turned to look at the red head with raised eyebrows, "You do remember that we haven't yet told them we're planning this match? We were going to do that after the Hufflepuff game."

"Yeah, but future Remmy may have come back and warned them just to be an arse after we dressed him in the donkey suit."

"Horse." Harry corrected.

"Whatever."

"Even if that happened, only three of them play Quidditch anyway and they may not have been selected to represent the school in the coming match." Severus pointed out, "Either way, why aren't Pettigrew and Evans doing anything?"

"… I don't know." Ginny admitted after taking a few moments to ponder the question.

"Well you're a lot of help aren't you?" Severus said sarcastically.

"Shut it."

"Okay guys look," Draco intervened, "None of us know what they're up to so let's just assume it's big and keep our shields up at all times. If it's not anything, it'll just mean we're super safe."

"Cool."

"Er… super safe Draco?" Ginny raised an eyebrow, "What exactly does that mean and since when do you refer to anything as 'super'?"

"Can you think of a better term to use for these circumstances?" Draco returned her look. A staring contest was the natural result and took the pair out of the conversation.

"Severus, do you have any idea who we can expect in the Quidditch match?" Harry questioned as Pansy rolled her eyes at the change of topic.

"I'd say Potter will be seeker, Dumbledore would find that fitting considering you would be opposing." Severus began.

"Yes that does fit his nature." Harry acquiesced, "The man seems to find inordinate glee in setting up conflict in all arenas. 'Martyr for peace' my arse." He added under his breath.

"Well I think it's only natural that if you've picked people who aren't in school anymore- you are going to tell them that before the game aren't you?" he checked and Harry nodded in confirmation, "Well then, they'll probably do the same, but at a reasonable level of course. Amos Diggory finished here two years ago and was the best keeper Hufflepuff ever had. His seventh year was the only time I can personally remember them winning the Quidditch Cup. Longbottom and that girl he's seeing… I think her names Alice… well, they'll probably be back as two of the chasers and they'll take Joseph Richards- the fifth year on the current Ravenclaw team to be the other one." Severus frowned here, "I'm not sure who they'll pick as beaters, none of the recent graduates were particularly talented."

"Which two are the best beaters in the current teams here?" Pansy asked, unable to help but take interest.

"Well," Severus looked uncomfortable, "That would probably be me and Nott but they won't even consider us because I've spent so much time around you lately and they'll be sure I won't play as hard as I could." Here he rolled his eyes at the general world's inability to understand Slytherins, "We're on pretty much an even level with Black and Lupin but they were banned from the field after a major prank a while back. I'm not sure when the ban is going to be lifted but it's soon. If they're in the game against Hufflepuff then we'll know."

"What if the ban is lifted the day after the match?" Harry questioned.

"Nope." Severus shook his head, "The Gryffindor Hufflepuff match is the first game of the season and if they're not in it no one else is going to pick them for one as important as the game against you and your friends."

"Hang on a moment, just wait a minute here." Harry clapped his hand over Severus' mouth to demonstrate the necessity of his request, "Back at the start of this whole competition, Peter said only James and Sirius played Quidditch. You just said that Remus plays too. What's the deal?"

"Did Pettigrew say _only_ Black and Potter play, or did her just say they did?" Severus asked after shoving Harry's hand away.

"Er, I don't clearly remember." Harry frowned in concentration, "I think he just said they did. I don't see why he'd use the term only."

"Lupin doesn't really take Quidditch seriously." Severus grinned, "I'm ninety percent certain he purposefully got himself caught after that prank so the rest of the Gryffindorks wouldn't be able to keep forcing him to play. People tend to forget he does play because he never mentions it which explains Pettigrew not including him in his reference."

"Well actually it kind of doesn't explain it." Harry frowned, "It actually seems a little ridiculous."

"Well, the _other_ story is that Lupin put a jinx on everyone so that they usually forget to mention he plays. I guess he gets sick of people starting conversations with 'So… I hear you play Quidditch'." Severus grinned, "Or maybe Pettigrew's just an idiot."

"Severus, please do not call people idiots it is unbecoming of a Slytherin." Draco called out without breaking eye contact with Ginny, "If you must show your distain, try a word like imbecile. It has more letters."

"Oh thank-you Sire for teaching this humble Slytherin how to insult, I never could have managed without you." Severus commented dryly but Draco did not deign to reply, instead returning his focus to his current staring contest with Ginny.

"Okay, so we know pretty much the entire team and we know that the beaters are either Moony and Padfoot, or a pair of easily beatable pair of newer players." Harry surmised, "Our biggest problem is that we don't have time to practice as a team. Theirs is that they have no idea what any of our strengths are. So we just have to find time to practice in secret, try to watch them play, and hope the others are practicing back at home."

"Wow!" Pansy gasped out in mock amazement, "What a fantastic plan! It's so complex, so well thought, so unexpected!"

"Shut it."

"You shut it."

"_You_ shut it."

"_You-_"

"Sweet Merlin I'm surrounded by toddlers." Severus murmured.

- - - - - - - - - -

"See this is where we gain an advantage Pansy," Draco was explaining as the two look over the railing and down at the pitch, "We get to watch their tactics, but they've no idea how we play."

"But wouldn't they change their tactics in a match with you guys as compared to one against Hufflepuff?" Pansy asked in mock confusion, having been told all of this already by Harry, Ginny, and Severus.

"Yes, but it is inevitable that certain traits will pass over between matches, like which Chaser goes for the ball after Hooch tosses it up, or the keepers regular movements when the Quaffle goes towards the right hoop."

"It's not Hooch; it's the weird guy with the monobrow." Pansy corrected with a smirk, glad to have one over her friend, "Jeez, get it right will you."

She lost her moment of glory however as Draco was too busy watching the players come out onto the pitch and her snarky comment was lost amidst the crowd's cheers.

"Aww crap, Black and Lupin are playing again." Draco sighed dramatically, "Oh well, I guess it'll at least give the bloody weasels a much needed challenge if what Severus has said is true."

"Draco-"

"Apparently these two are pretty awesome but I guess we'll see. The weasels are far too big for their boots anyway."

"Dray-"

"Ooh! Look at us! We own our own joke store!" Draco mimicked very badly, waving his arms in the air.

"Draco-"

"Allow me." Severus murmured to Pansy before whacking Draco across the back of the head.

"Pansy is trying to say that while she may not be able to play the game, she does derive a fair amount of pleasure from watching idiotic testosterone loaded males chase each other in circles while their female counterparts bitch that they broke a nail trying to catch the damned ball so she would appreciate it if you shut your pie hole and let her watch the game in peace." Severus informed the pissed off blonde in a calm voice, barely hiding his smirk.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Pansy congratulated him before waving to Ginny across in the Gryffindor stands and turning her attention to the field.

The players were all doing warm up laps around the pitch, occasionally tossing balls between each other. The Gryffindors were psyched and ready to go, looks of determination on their faces (or resignation in Remus' case) and hands clenching their brooms firmly. The Hufflepuff players were also well prepared for the game, but seemed to be a lot more relaxed about it, occasionally trying futilely to strike up conversation with their opposition about how it was a 'nice day for a game huh?'. The Gryffindors were basically ignoring them and instead were trying to concentrate on how great it would feel to win and how important it was rather then on how completely unsportsmanlike it would be to slaughter these poor naïve beings.

Commentating for the match was Peter Pettigrew's tentative girlfriend Julie Parks from Hufflepuff. She seemed to be a lot nicer then Lee Jordan had ever been and as such, so far she hadn't called the Gryffindor's female Keeper (who just happened to be Peter's ex-girlfriend who kept telling him in a very loud tone that Julie was a total slut) a skanky whore more then three times. Truthfully, she was being fairly decent towards the overall team, but that may have been because she tended to get distracted before she had the chance to delve out criticism. Most recently she had begun to inform them of Sirius and Remus' recent return to the team but had suddenly decided it was much more important to inform them that Professor Sinestra had new nail polish on today and that it went dynamite with the dear Astrology teacher's pale blue robe. As Draco, Severus and Pansy listened in amusement; she proceeded to divert the entire stadium's attention skyward to point out exactly how much a particular cloud looked like a tea cup that had been filled to the brim with lemon drops.

After taking the time to listen patiently to her vocal antics, the stadium then tuned her out as much as possible to watch the starting of the match. Monobrow dude walked into the centre of the pitch and prepared to toss up the quaffle. Draco leant forward intently to watch and across the way, Harry and Ginny followed his example. The really needn't have bothered. Almost instantly, the 1977 Hufflepuff team told all four time travelers exactly when the stereotype that all Hufflepuffs are lousy at Quidditch originated.

One of the Gryffindor chasers had taken possession of the Quaffle, but two of the Hufflepuff chasers did not seem to register to this, instead they rushed toward the spot where the ball had been and consequently knocked each other off their brooms. The remaining chaser followed after the Gryffindors with mild disorientation before one of the beaters accidentally hit a bludger into him. He managed to stay on the broom, but did not seem to register that Gryffindor had just scored the first goal of the match; no more then twenty seconds into the game.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." Draco stated flatly.

"How come they suck so much?" Pansy looked confused, "In our time, we all joke that the Puffers suck, but in truth, you lot all seem to at least have to put some effort into defeating them. They actually did beat Gryffindor once in our third year."

"That hardly counted, Gryffindor's seeker got attacked by dementors." Draco justified.

"Still." Pansy muttered.

"And Hufflepuff takes possession!" Julie was calling out excitedly, "Passes to Manoso who heads for the goals and… oh no he's dropped it and Gryffindor has taken back the quaffle. Manoso and Jones are trying to regain control but… they've been blocked by a cleverly placed bludger from Lupin. Nice shot Remus… feel like playing for our side for a while? Gryffindor shoots, he sc… why Professor McGonagall what an absolutely stunning clutch purse, the beadwork really looks beautiful."

Draco sniggered as over the background of the speaker system he heard Professor McGonagall thank Julie before pointing out that Gryffindor had just scored for a second time. The game continued in relatively the same manner for the next half hour. Gryffindor continued to score and Hufflepuff was thwarted at almost every turn. They did score one goal but that was mostly because the Gryffindor keeper got a little distracted when Julie called her a bitch and threw a shoe at her.

James had been concentrating hard on finding the snitch, despite the fact that by that time Gryffindor was already 160 points in the lead and just as the Gryffindor keeper was blocking the quaffle and dodging a second shoe, he spotted it. Harry watched in delight as his father sped across the pitch. His broom was no firebolt, but he moved incredibly fast, weaving in between players and dodging the occasional bludger. The Hufflepuff seeker and captain was soon hot on his trail but it was clear that there was no contest here. The game ended as James took a spectacular dive off his broom, falling roughly three metres but snatching the snitch on his way down. The entire stadium burst into applause as Julie finally announced, with some surprise, that the game had ended while she was telling them all to look at the giant squid which was waving about in the lake.

- - - - - -

"That was the oddest game I've ever watched." Ginny spoke for all of them as the five pranksters headed towards where the four Quidditch captains were talking with Monobrow dude and Professor Dumbledore.

"You can say that again." Harry agreed.

"That was the oddest-"

"Not funny Gin."

"Aww."

"Mister Malfoy, how may we help you?" Dumbledore asked Draco who had arrived at their destination.

"Sir, we wanted to speak to the six of you about an idea we have come up with." Draco began.

"A while ago, I told James here," Harry nodded toward his father, "That I played Quidditch and soon after, the idea of a Past versus Future Quidditch Match came up."

"So, apparently some of the individuals present in the room at the time Harry mentioned it, remembered until our time and decided it sounded fun." Pansy continued, "As such, one of the things Remmy wanted to ask was who these guys wanted on their team."

"Since we now have an entire Quidditch team arriving on the twentieth," Ginny raised her eyebrows at them all, "We thought now would be a good time to confirm that it is going to be okay to hold a Quidditch match with some of your best and brightest."

Dumbledore was already nodding his permission, and the four captains were looking between each other, searching for agreement.

"It should be fun." James spoke for them, "So, I guess now we just select our team."

"Yeah, but these guys sort of picked players who had already finished school." Severus informed them, earning a glare from Draco for his un-Slytherin sense of fair play, "Not too much older, you won't see yourselves on the field, but just one or two years out."

"Okay then," The Hufflepuff captain grinned at them, "It sounds fun. We'll decide who's playing and we'll see you on the twentieth."

"Er, probably before then as well." Harry reminded him, "We'll still be in class."

"Right." The boy grinned at them again and Harry and Co left them there to plan.

"I think that went pretty well." Ginny commented once they were out of earshot.

"I'll agree with that," Draco replied to her, "Although I'm just a tad pissed off that Severus gave away our big thing." He continued with a pointed glare.

"You said you were going to tell them," Severus justified, "And I still have a little loyalty left toward my fellow teammates."

Harry gasped in mock horror after this statement.

"You!" He shouted dramatically, drawing stares from the other students heading back toward the castle, "Out of the gene pool!"

"The what what?"

"You don't know what a gene pool is?" Harry looked startled, "Jeez, what do they teach you at this place."

"To be fair, I've got no idea of what you are talking about either." Draco commented.

"Harry, please remember that biology and other related sciences are a Muggle thing." Ginny scolded him gently.

"Sorry G-man."

"G-man?"

"I think it sounds cool."

"You think wrong."

"Leaving now."

The four remaining conspirators grinned as Harry sprinted across the lawn, stopping only to call back a final statement.

"Farewell, connivers of plans unmatchable."

"Farewell my sweet." Draco called back, waving his arm in his most dramatic, 'final farewell scene', movie star method.

"Completely un-Muggle my arse." Ginny muttered before sprinting after Harry.

- - - - - -

So what did you all think? You likey? If you have reviewed this story and not yet recieved a reply, I assure you it will get there eventually, but it may not come immediately because my alerts have been down for a few days which usually means it will be up to a week before all the stored up messages get through. Please review again! Then you'll get two replies which is always fun.


	15. Retirement

So... do you all hate me? I've no idea what happened, but every time I sat down to write this, all words just seemed to escape me. Seriously. I doubt I could have written a sequel to _Run Spot Run_!

Chapter 15

20th October 1977

"And so, when Harry then comes round over Malfoy and Zabini, Ginny ducks down while the opposition is distracted, allowing her access to the left goal post. Fred and George then-"

It was around this point that Harry finally gave in to what his brain had been suggesting for the past few hours and dozed off, dropping his head onto an already snoozing Fred's shoulder. To his left, Draco struggled to keep his eyes open, unwilling to submit to the indignity of falling asleep in a room full of Gryffindors. Blaise, never having experienced one of Oliver's famous speeches, had been caught unawares and was out like a light within moments after the four's arrival at five thirty that morning. Since it was now past nine, this was understandable.

"Alright, so now that we all have formation ninety six down, let's move on to ninety seven."

"Oliver for Merlin's sake, we've been through sixteen base plays, had a quick overview two hundred single moves, eighty eight multiple person moves, a book you sent ahead with ploys, feints, bluffs, and other deceptions, and now this." Ginny finally burst out, earning an unappealing cross between a grunt and a snort from Harry as he was startled out of his Oliver induced coma, "Can we _please_ just go out and actually get some practice? I mean, we haven't even played in a match together yet."

"Exactly. That's why we need to go over strategies." Oliver said in a pompous, almost Percy-like manner before pouting at his team-mate's groans, "Oh alright, I suppose we have enough formations." He relented but continued on before the others had a chance to experience even the most remote feelings of hope, "However, we still have to go over recovery moves, emergency moves and preventative measures. So let's begin with what we do if all three chasers are taken out."

In the end it was almost eleven before they finally went out to practice, but the team made good use of their short time before the two o'clock game. Pansy and Severus took turns in keeping guard in between classes, doing slow loops around the pitch on brooms, turning away any spies, curious students, and even the occasional diehard fan. It turned out that women in the seventies were not as fond of man-flares as they'd seemed and had in fact been just longing for someone with Oliver Wood's physique to show up in a tight, futuristic, Quidditch uniform. But, as Harry and Draco had so wistfully noted, he was plain and simply a Quidditch jock and thereby incapable of understanding womanly (or manly) advances.

Many a young lady wept and lamented this loss later that evening, just wishing he could have understood what he was turning away. Many swore never to let this die, always to remember this day and try and turn around the results. This vow caused a few problems for Oliver when he returned to his time and realized he suddenly had a massive fan base of women in their late thirties, none of whom would take no for an answer, and all of whom arrived equipped with handcuffs. Introducing the brand new act: really _really_ desperate housewives.

But for this one last day, Oliver remained blissfully unaware of these future trials and instead focused on getting his new team up to standards. And, despite his boring speeches, and ability to inspire eleven years olds with the idea that they too could almost die, Oliver was a good captain, and he had the best of the best on his team.

Nineteen seventy seven would never know what hit them.

- - - - - - - - - -

"So, you've seen them both. Who do you think will win?"

"Honestly? I have no idea in the world. Nor do I particularly care." Pansy paused for a moment and then grinned, "The real reason I'm here is because I want to watch Wood have an apoplectic shock when he realizes that all his strategizing was a waste of time."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, can you really see your time's team managing to work together? He's based all this on the idea that the other team will be coordinated. I doubt he's prepared for seven people, all doing their own thing, with no care for the fact that the other team has seven thousand and eighty formations prepared for their advances."

"Seven thousand and eighty?"

"There's a minor chance that I've overestimated that."

"Welcome, welcome to the _only_ match worth seeing this year!" Lee Jordan's voice came booming across the pitch. Fred and George, upon hearing of the current commentator's habits had dragged their old friend along with them on their little trip. Julie Parkes was sulking in the Hufflepuff stands but seemed to be okay with it overall, "Now, let's welcome on our teams! For the soon to be humiliated oldies we have _Diggory, Longbottom, Robinson, Richards, Lupin, Black, _aaaaannnd _older Potter_!"

All the students began cheering, although many looked a little peeved with Lee for his obviously bias introduction.

"_And_ for the super spectacular futuristic wonders we have _Malfoy, Zabini, Weasley, Weasley, another Weasley, Wood, _aaaaaannnnd… _the fresher Potter_!" Lee shouted triumphantly.

All the students screamed their approval even louder then the first time leaving the '77 team seeming slightly put out with the whole thing. Never let it be said that subtle (or not) leads from a commentator do not have _some_ affect on an easily lead group of under-eighteens.

The teams each did a couple of warm-up laps around the pitch before settling into their positions. Professor Mono-brow stood beneath them and prepared to toss up the quaffle. The pitch grew silent as all the students watched intensely. The professor held up the quaffle and, with little ceremony; threw it high in the air above him.

"And they're off! It's Robinson with the quaffle first with Longbottom to her left ready for a pass. She passes and, _oh_! A remarkable intercept from Zabini. Pretty good for a Slytherin I must say, but hey, no hard feelings hey oldies? Zabini's almost at the goals and... No, he has to pass back to Weasley to dodge a well aimed bludger from Lupin. Looks like our twins may finally have a worthy opponent."

"Budge over Snape."

"Evans?" Severus turned in shock as Lily and Peter squeezed in next to Pansy, "What the heck do you two think you're doing in the Slytherin sections?"

"The Gryffindor one's are packed and we couldn't see anyone up the front who might be willing to move over for us, so we thought we'd come stand with you guys." Peter said, giving a nervous titter and a wave to Rabastan Lestrange.

"Whatever, fine, just shut up both of you so we can see what's happened." Pansy snapped, "Oh crap! See! You guys made us miss Ginny's score."

"Diggory saved it Pan." Severus said, having seen it out of the corner of his eye, "Can't you tell by the mini temper tantrum she's throwing?"

"That's not a temper tantrum, that's artistic venting."

"And they told _us_ to shut up?" Peter murmured to Lily.

"Longbottom passes to Robinson who aims and shoots... _nice_ save from Oliver Wood. No surprised there. At this rate it's all going to be on the seekers, neither of whom seem to have done anything yet except glare at each other from their starting positions. Watch out for the bludger Har- oh good he's ducked. And he appears to be finally making a move too.

"The quaffle's back out and it's Weasley in possession and- _come on_! Ginny Weasley drops the quaffle after a double bludgering. Fred! George! That's your sister you morons, get the hell out there and keep those bludgers away from her!

"Malfoy manages to reclaim the quaffle from Robinson who loops back to join Longbottom while Richards follows Malfoy. _Crap_! Longbottom and Robinson have blocked off Zabini and Weasley. Malfoy's got no one and Richards is about to- _finally_ the Weasley twins prove why they're on this team, two bludgers send Richards into a tail spin towards the stands- look out you ruddy first years or you'll get knocked over the edge. Malfoy gets through and shoots... great shot, a clean score for Malfoy!"

The Slytherins, having no one on the past team to root for, all decided this was their moment and cheered heartily. The rest of the houses clapped sulkily, with the exception of the younger Ravenclaws who seemed to be attempting a Mexican wave. Across at the other goals, Oliver, who had until this point been on the verge of apoplexy over his beaters' lack of effort, finally had something to be happy about and nearly fell off his broom with excitement.

"Robinson has the quaffle this time, Zabini's almost got it back, but no, it's passed to Longbottom who instantly sends it off to Richards to avoid another well aimed bludger from a Weasley twin, I'm not sure which. Richards gets close, aims and- nice save from Wood! He hits it back out but- _oh_ Robinson intercepts and immediately sends it straight through the leftmost goal. Ouch. That's _got_ to be a blow for Wood. Don't worry pal, you're still better then Diggory.

"A rather agitated Wood passes _directly_ to Malfoy who heads off down the pitch, straight down the centre. This avoidance of strategy is probably pissing Wood of, but I think he's a little busy hitting himself over the head to bother shouting to his wayward chaser. Malfoy passes off to Weasley who passes it back to him. Diggory's on guard and- _yowza_! Weasley flashes Diggory a full frontal and Malfoy scores! Hot damn that girl's got something going there and _HOLY SHIT!_"

Lee and several teachers all flung themselves to the side as one of the Weasley twins sent a bludger straight at their excitable friend.

"George, Fred, I'm sorry guys but if she's going to use dirty tactics, it's only fair as commentator that I pay her a bit of admira- _FUCK_!"

The other twin had sent the same bludger back on a rebound. Several of the teachers forgot their place and began sending hexes at the two red heads while both Potters abandoned their search for the snitch as they clung to their brooms in laughter at the chaos below them.

"T-the score is twenty t-to ten in favour of the future team." A shaken Lee continued, "And on a side note across in the Slytherin stands, Miss Pansy Parkinson and Miss Lily Evans appear to be yelling something at both seekers... I think they're saying something along the lines of you... dumb... fuckwits... go after the... friggin... snitch... or I'll... Okay now that's just cruel ladies. You're talking about their family jewels there. Oh wait! Gentlemen, those ladies have spotted the snitch, what the hell are you two doing up there.

"Both Potter's take a steep dive, levelling off evenly only metres away from the snitch. Weaving between the goal hoops- Harry, bludger to your left! He ducks, Weasley sends it back towards other Potter, it misses. They're closing in now, _aaalmost_ there. It's anyone's game now. And its..."

- - - - - - - - - -

"You know, I have to admit that catch Potter made was pretty spectacular." Rabastan Lestrange commented to Regulus Black as the two made their way back to the Slytherin common rooms.

"Yeah, he's a Gryffindor but he can sure play Quidditch. And it was so close at the end there!" Regulus replied.

"It's pretty impressive that the two of them could be that competitive, they are father and son after all." Narcissa Black added, coming up behind her cousin.

The three were returning after the feast Dumbledore had provided for the whole school in honour of the winning team. It had been pretty spectacular, and Harry and James finally shaking hands and formally ended the prank war had been somewhat of a relief to everyone who had unintentionally become involved. The best thing though had been the arrival of one of a rather familiar face, bringing some good news for the entire 1977 population of Hogwarts.

_Professor_ Severus Snape had arrived just as they finished eating to officially escort the five visitors back to their time. All five exited rather dramatically, Zabini screeching out lines of Shakespeare, Lee offering Ginny a lewd compliment on her earlier displayed... assets before being chased out by George Weasley. Oliver, screaming like a girl, sprinted straight towards the portal-like exit Snape had opened for them while being chased by roughly sixteen girls all offering to show him what a "real woman" was like, while Fred Weasley spun Harry around before tilting him back in a daring dip and plundering his mouth like the true Marauder he'd always wanted to be.

After Fred had stepped through the portal-like exit (slow motion of course for the benefit of the romantics in the hall), Professor Snape gave news that caused every teacher present to collapse in relief with a murmur of "Oh thank Merlin".

The four remaining visitors would be leaving on the 24th in four days time.

- - - - - - - - - -

Yeah, it took me a while. I had a mental block. However; you guys get to be the first to choose for the new **PAIRING POLL**!

If you have read Abandon Ship then you would know that this is how I choose which pairing to work with since I can't seem to make up my mind otherwise. Since this story is coming to an end (bar the sequel) I will be starting work on a new story soon and I need a pairing. Just review or PM with the name of the person you want with Harry.

The options are: Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Lisa Turpin, Pansy Parkinson, Sally-Anne Perks, Seamus Finnigan, Padma Patil, Marcus Flint, Susan Bones, Tonks, Angelina Johnson, Oliver Wood, Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell, Charlie Weasley, or no pairing. These have been chosen for their rarity. If you want a different pairing then feel free to suggest it, but it must be rare, and I'd appreciate it if you gave me a reason for your desire.

Finally: Have a look through this chapter and see what doesn't add up. Come ON! Only one person has spotted it. Surely you can find it too! Think back to past chapters.


	16. Rock This Party

Author's Note: Okay, so I suck at the whole 'consistency' thing. I have an excuse. A real one that actually justifies me! Honestly. I was sick. Very sick. 'Nuf said. Anyways, you shouldn't be angry with me, you should be celebrating my return! Oh, and a nice form of celebration would be to obsessively review every chapter of every story I've ever posted. I promise it's fun! Here's chapter 16, the second last chapter.

Abandon Ship will be updated shortly. I have completed the chapter, but it is still being beta-ed.

**Remember **the pairing poll is still running. Currently in the lead is Blaise Zabini, followed by Charlie Weasley and Pansy Parkinson. Personally, I'm hoping for Charlie, but I'll take what I get. The nominees are:  
_Blaise, Seamus, Charlie, Marcus Flint, Oliver, Percy, Theodore Nott, Victor, Kingsley, Padma, Pansy, Lisa Turpin, Penelope Clearwater, Tonks, Sally-Anne, Susan, Angelina, Alicia, and Katie_.

You are hereby forbidden to complain about the eventual choice unless you vote! Oh, and remember that this is for a **new** story, not one of the pre-existing stories.

Chapter 16

21st October 1977

"So… how about that local sports team eh?"

"Shut up Padfoot, your attempts at breaking the ice are just a tad pathetic."

"Coming from you Moony that's pretty rich. Who was it who informed us of how startling it was to have snows in Scotland at this time of year?"

"It always snows in Scotland though."

"Yes Elfie darling that is exactly the point I was trying to make." Sirius threw his arms up in exasperation, promptly falling off his seat as a result of course.

Harry drew in his breath once again and rocked back and forth on his chair, gripping the edges of his seat and glancing around awkwardly at his companions. Having finally made peace the previous evening, they had spent a rather quaint day avoiding conversation with each other, for once focussing entirely on their schoolwork. As a result however; their eventual interactions in the Gryffindor common room were embarrassingly delicate.

Currently seated around the lounges beside the fire were Harry, Ginny, Lily, Peter, Remus, James, and Sirius now on the floor. Beside Ginny were two third years called Leon Thorogood and Alex Phillips who had spent the past four minutes trying to think of subtle excuses to leave that hadn't been already been utilized by one of their three friends, now standing at the bottom of the stairs to the Gryffindor common room waiting for their unfortunately located comrades. Alex Cullen had stated a need to wash his hair, Bryn Price informed them that he had to take a call from _the family_, and David Kehoe pleaded PMS and had made a run for it only a few seconds ago. Ginny was actually quite curious as to what the two remaining unfortunates could possibly come up with to top their friends' creations.

"Look," Harry finally started, "I know this is uncomfortable and that we're all wishing we were still at war just so there'd be something to talk about, but we have to make the most of what time we have left."

"He's right." James nodded, "We have to learn to talk to each other, to open up, to let our emotions out for everyone to see."

Zalan was apparently struck by a momentary inspiration after James' moving speech.

"Leon and I have just realized that we could quite possibly be gay and must now retire to another area to explore our sexuality." He said brightly before grabbing a horrified Leon by the hand and sprinting towards his waiting friends.

Ginny watched them for a moment.

"Not really that original, but performed with a certain flair and boldness that can only allow for a three and a half star rating." She determined and leant forward on her seat, "James, I too find myself moved by your oratory skills. I feel that now is a time for pacification and love. It is a time to express our desires to an audience who will not judge us for our faults. Lily now is the time to let them in on our terrible secret. You see James, like our friends Zalan and Alex, Lily and I have also felt a need to further explore each other." And with that final line, she grabbed hold of the other redhead, pulled her forward and began to kiss a very startled Lily.

Twenty years later, in two very different locations and in the company two very different groups of people, both Remus and Peter revived a long forgotten tradition and slipped straight off of their respective chairs as a rather hot memory returned to them.

"God, get off me Weasley." Lily snapped, pushing a grinning Ginny away from her, "What the hell was that for?"

"Why my dear Elf I was simply showing Padfoot here how one truly breaks the ice." Ginny looked at her with wide-eyed innocence before smirking wickedly, "Was it good for you too?"

"Fuck that was hot." James murmured, instantly turning Lily's entire wrath towards himself.

"Prongs you immature testosterone loaded Neanderthal, if I _ever_ hear one word on this subject come out of your mouth again I will guarantee that not once in the rest of your miserable existence will you ever again get lucky with even the most hideous of women." She yelled at him causing him to pale dramatically.

"Great gods woman don't talk like that. If you get him cut off then I don't even get to be born." Harry scolded in outrage.

"Yeah, well that's not that big of a loss."

"Thou hast wounded me deeply oh beauty of legends beyond. When all of Troy did talk of Helen they spoke only rumours of your future magnificence. To never witness your looks with mine own eyes would be the deepest cut of all for my never to be born self. Thus I do pray that you let my father keep on with his studliness, allowing his loins to give fruit to me and all that I am." Harry gave a bow in his seat, presenting himself flamboyantly for her perusal.

"Merlin you are so gay."

"Why thank you. To me that's a compliment."

"Hey I've got an idea." Peter looked around at them, "Through this whole war, everyone else has gotten off pretty easily. Your side did that one whole school prank to prove your skills, but other then that; they've only really become involved as accidental witnesses. I think that as a bit of a goodbye gift from you lot; we should band together and make them glad to see the last of you for a few more years."

"… You know Wormtail, that's actually not such a bad idea." Harry grinned, "Tell you all what, we'll call this a night for now and tomorrow I'll get Pansy, Draco and Sev and we'll all meet in that empty room with the trapdoor along the third floor corridor before breakfast."

"Do we _have_ to bring Snivellus into this one?" Sirius whined.

"Why Mister Padfoot, and here I thought you were done with all this bigotry." Harry shook his head sadly, "I may have to turn my affections towards another. Remus darling how are you today?"

"I thought you were done with all this flirtatious crap." Sirius muttered.

"It's not crap, simply inappropriate." Harry corrected, "Anyway, I flirt with everyone and I'm not making exceptions just because you're my godfather."

"You know, I'm almost glad you're leaving in three days."

"Oh my poor heart! I may never recover from al these slights." Harry collapsed dramatically into Ginny's lap.

"How? How James did you manage to spawn this demon?"

"I'm not sure, but given the drama and enthusiasm I'm beginning to think this may be the unfortunate reproduction of me and you Padfoot. As sickening and biologically impossible as it sounds, that may be the only plausible explanation."

"Sweet Merlin, the very thought of what my childhood would have been like calling you _Daddy_ is enough to knock the humour right out of anyone Padfoot."

"Shut up Prongslet."

* * *

22nd October 1977 

"Snakes in the dungeons?"

"Nah, it's been done."

"How about on a plane?"

"That seems far too illogical and it would completely ruin the supposed originality of a future film."

"Well then you think of something new then genius."

"I'm trying. Your stupidity is infecting the air. My aura is suffering. Suffering God damn it!"

"There is something seriously wrong with you Bambi."

"So the voices in my head keep telling me."

Their planning session had begun at only six that morning and, an hour and a half later, they were still yet to think of a decent plan. Ginny and Remus had already given up on the thinking process and had departed the group to sit in one corner of the room bouncing tennis balls against a wall, interrupting occasionally to scoff a particularly dumb idea or worry over Harry's psychological state. There was truly never ending support for this anxiety and the two were having serious thoughts towards getting him committed.

"We could force them to do everything backwards." Pansy tried to continue the creative process by supplying a horrendously boring idea for them to expand upon.

"Merlin in Speedos you may as well just switch the house colours around." James cried out in exasperation, flipping sideways out of his seat to lie on the floor for added drama, "If you want to give them some kind of hindrance you might as well make it a bit more creative. You could make everything they do happen to someone else. If the Billster tries to pick up a fork McGonagall suddenly grabs hers."

"We did that last year to the fourth year Ravenclaw, Slytherin charms class Prongs." Sirius reminded patronizingly, "I reckon it would be fun to turn the floors to ice, their shoes to ice-skates, and then cover the walls in Velcro."

"Definitely fun, but do you really want to be flashed a view of Professor Dumbledore's rear end when he inevitably falls over?" Severus pointed out the obvious problem, "How about some sort of emotional increase? It could be fun to see McGonagall on the floor - legs kicking - in a full-blown temper tantrum."

"Tempting indeed Mister Snape, but we need something with a little more flair. Something that people will be talking about for years-" Draco paused with a frown, "Or at least they would be talking about it for years if they weren't about to forget this visit for the next twenty."

"This sucks."

"No shit Sherlock," Pansy snapped at James, "And here I thought it was the best situation in the world. Thank you so much for opening my eyes to all these new possibilities."

"Guys!" Ginny finally snapped at the debaters who turned in surprise towards her and Remus, "You're obviously not going to be able to find something that everyone agrees with, so why not use several ideas?"

"Our pranks have always been better in the past when we've tried several things at once. For some reason everyone always thinks they're safe after the first attack." Remus nodded.

"Not bad Moony, other Red Head." Sirius complimented them, "So which ones should we use?"

* * *

"Okay junior puffers, I need you all paying attention." Sirius began as the assembled crowd turned to view him. 

For reasons unknown to his fellow pranksters, Sirius had spent all his free time that day informing the first to fourth year Hufflepuffs that he needed to meet with them urgently for matters to do with the safety of the Hogwarts fairy population and as a result, at five o'clock that evening, he had managed to gather all but three of them. Said three were engaged in detention with Professor Pandino after their horror at the thought of fairies in trouble had caused them to blow up each of their respective cauldrons. They would be filled in on the details of the meeting by their dorm mates later that night.

"First I must reassure you that the Hogwarts fairies remain safe and unmolested." Sirius continued, his face poker straight, "But I am afraid that instead, there is a threat to your own personal safety. You see, my friends and I have recently ended a prank war with Misters Potter, Snape and Malfoy, and Misses Weasley and Parkinson. As a result however, we all found ourselves rather bored and decided to stage a massive attack on the entire school in general." There were gasps all around.

"Fear not sweet puffers, no harm shall come to you. For you see; I myself was almost one of your own and only through a lot of bargaining and pleading managed to end up in Gryffindor. As such, I have a bit of a soft spot for you all and decided to try and keep you out of harms way." Sirius stretched his arms out wide in an imaginary enveloping hug.

"But, what will we do instead?" Once nervous looking second year pointed out, "Surely when your friends see we haven't been pranked, they'll figure out you're protecting us and get around it."

"Ah, but that's the beauty of my plan. You will be pranked, but you will know all the details, and thus be able to use said prank to in turn prank the entire school along with my fellow pranksters. It is a truly pranktastic plan. Who's with me?"

"I'm with you, you dear unrecognized puffer!" One future Molly Weasley clone cried out and the other joined in with enthusiastic commitment.

"If you can keep us from falling victim to unhappy attacks, you can be an honorary Hufflepuff for life." A fourth year decided, smiling at Sirius.

"I- I'm shocked." Sirius gasped out, tears of joy forming in his eyes, "I never expected such a welcome. I've never felt such bliss. I won't let you down! Any of you!"

* * *

23rd October 1977 

The morning of the 23rd dawned peacefully. Birds sang, the squid stretched its tentacles, and all around the castle students started to awaken; most with no idea of the absolute chaos that was to occur that day.

The group of pranksters had selected a tonne of pranks to use on the Hogwarts populace. Some would target specific groups, some certain teachers, and some would affect the school in general. They had all been up most of the night making preparations and as such all looked quite tired. The teachers, recognising the warning signs, all started to subtly shield themselves and cast identifying spells on their food and utensils.

It didn't take very long for the whole hall to be alerted when the first prank started. In truth however, it was Valerie Sykes, a Gryffindor second year, who first noticed what was going on. Looking up from her berry yoghurt, she turned towards her best friend Lulu Cummings to ask if she'd completed her potion's work. Staring at Lulu in shock for a second, she immediately let out a high pitch and lasting wail of absolute fear which of course silenced the rest of the school and caught their collective attention.

Valerie's scream continued for close to fifteen seconds before she paused to draw breath and this time continued at the same volume and pitch, but stating the problem of her distress.

"_DEATHEATEEEEEEEER_!" She howled, pointing dramatically at the startled Lulu.

There was complete silence once she had quietened down as everybody tried to figure out her motivation for accusing her best friend of being a minion of total evil. It didn't last long however as moments later a fourth year Gryffindor boy gave a yelp and flung himself away from his group of friends.

"Deatheaters!" He shouted, waving his arms in their general direction before sprinting for the doors with a cry of; "We're all gonna die!"

Apparently extreme fear seemed to distort one's perception of distance however since the boy ran head on into the doors, thus discouraging anyone else from attempted escape.

"I don't know quite what you guys did," Julie Parkes whispered hollowly from where she had come to sit next to Peter, "But this is the funniest shit I've seen this year."

Within moments every young Gryffindor seemed to come under the impression that all the other younger members of their house had been replaced with Death Eaters and they soon erupted into panic. The rest of the school however was in hysterics, even some of the teachers had to hide smiles.

"You'll never take us alive!" One second year cried out, diving off the table onto the back of one of the third years and hitting him over the head with a breakfast baguette.

"_Oh no_!" One first year screeched, seeing her reflection, "I'm a Death Eater too!" She finished before picking up her spoon and smacking herself on the arm screaming; "Die you evil Death Eater, DIE!"

"See? Now _this_ is useful material." Harry commented brightly to Ginny while everyone else was focussed on the elaborate show they'd prepared, "Imagine if I made all Voldy's forces think that they and their fellows all looked like Power Puff Girls. Can you really see them holding down a strong attack in such a scenario?"

Most of the younger Gryffindors had calmed down by that stage, having registered to the other students' laughter, as well as the improbability that they themselves had somehow signed up to become Deatheaters without knowing. A couple of overly enthusiastic individuals were still head butting the walls in an attempt to subdue the enemy, but most were currently glaring at the Billster who had remained unfazed by his trip through the Twilight Zone. Harry suspected Ginny had tipped him off in order to have bargaining material when they returned to their own time.

While all the teachers were fairly certain who had fixed the prank, they seemed not to be attempting to punish anyone at this time, instead focusing their attention on fixing the altered perceptions of the affected students. When no immediate progress was made, it was assumed the prank would wear off in time, and the morning ritual went back to its usual state; the only exception being the large proportion of Gryffindor house that could not look at one another without first flinching and then bursting into giggles.

Once breakfast had finished however, it became clear that this was not going to be an ordinary day.

The first hint to that were the giant cabbages who had taken over the halls and corridors. They patrolled their new land on spindly legs, snarling at anyone who got in their way. The teachers wove in between the students vanishing the large vegetables, but no one seemed to mind greatly, instead simply focussing on getting through the halls towards their next classes. The students and teachers of 1977 were more then used to the Marauders ways. It would take more then just a few vegetables to get them excited.

The fact that several baboons had taken over the charms classroom was a little more shocking, but the fifth years who had that class first still went to sit down. They changed their minds about the wisdom of that idea when they saw how long baboon teeth are. The fact that the creatures had unreasonably good aim when throwing their own faeces at the backs of the screaming students as they fled the classroom probably didn't increase their love of the red-butted menaces.

By the time lunch came, most of the students were a little pissed off with the now rampant cabbages and baboons, thus when they all suddenly vanished, there was an overall feeling of relief.

"What next?" Julie looked around at them all, again sitting with Peter.

"We can't give that away!" James whispered in outrage, "You'll find out when everyone else does in… a few more moments."

"But who's it against?" Julie queries before being shushed again. She looked around at all of them and noted where their attention was fixed. With a very unhufflepuffy smirk she too turned to look at the teacher's platform.

It didn't take long for the prank to take affect. Pretty much as soon as the last teacher had taken a bight of their food to be precise. And upon that last bight, they all seemed to be feeling a little odd.

"You know what's really great?" Professor Vector commented to the group at large, "When you squint at a light, it switches colour and makes a rainbow."

The other teachers all murmured in amazement and started squinting into all nearby lights. Slowly, conversation died out around the hall as everyone turned to look at their teachers. Professor Dumbledore held his hand up between his squinted eyes and the candle he'd lit before him.

"I can see through my fingers!" He cried out ecstatically.

"Ooooh, you lot are in _so_ much trouble when they get over this." The Billster whispered to Harry over the sniggers that were beginning to fill the hall.

"I'm a fire-breathing, hellcat, Leo so don't mess around with me." Professor McGonagall was shouting to Professor Pandino, "And don't think I don't see you lusting after me with your smouldering eyes. You can't possibly afford me anyway."

Professor Pandino looked at her for a moment.

"You know it's funny how when you talk… it's loud." He finally replied with a dazed smile on his face before returning his focus to the small pink flamingos he was sure were making rude gestures at him from atop his garden salad. Come to think of it, his salad was looking a little odd too. At least, he didn't _remember_ ever seeing a psychedelically coloured salad before.

"Don't you backchat me mister!" Professor McGonagall scolded him at the top of her lungs.

"You've met my brother right?" Dumbledore asked Professor Flitwick, "And you know about the goat thing as well I guess. I never understood that. There were so many other, much more exciting things he could have done if you know what I mean." He nudged the short professor in the ribs and winked as the students' sniggers escalated into all out laughter, "Personally though, I think he should have stuck to lemon drops like me."

"They are going to kill you." Julie gasped out, trying to catch her breath.

"I've got to admit; even I wasn't expecting anything quite like… this. This is gold." Harry squeaked out before losing his temporary control once again and falling sideways onto the bench, long since vacated by all five marauders who had, in true fashion, fallen off several minutes ago.

"Why doesn't anybody love me?" Professor Flitwick wailed at the top of his lungs before collapsing in sobs. Professor Pandino rushed to console him, pulling out a large white handkerchief from his pocket in the process.

"I love you Filius!" He cried out while quickly charming the handkerchief purple, "Here, you can have my handkerchief. It's purple which means it's happy."

"You can't fool me with your false declarations!" Professor McGonagall screeched at him, "I know you secretly want to shag me, and it's not going to happen. I'm a fiery Leo and I know how to defend myself against your advances!"

With that she pulled out her wand and transfigured the potion's professor into a large white rabbit.

"You wench! You killed my one true love." Professor Flitwick squealed before charming her to fly around the room.

"Er… we may want to reverse the spell about now guys." Lily looked at the terrified Deputy Headmistress in alarm, "We're sort of running out of teachers. Plus I think Professor Vector is about to give Dumbledore a lap dance."

"Spoil sport." James muttered, but grinned at her all the same.

As one they stood up on the benches, lifted their arms, and bowed flamboyantly to the other students before turning and casting the reversal spell at their teachers. There was a loud scream as Professor McGonagall plummeted towards the floor, but Harry slowed her decent just in time. Landing, she straightened her robes carefully before marching towards the seven Gryffindor pranksters, twitching occasionally.

"_You_!" She screamed pointing at Harry, but paused mid step as a second year Hufflepuff stepped in front of her.

The child looked at her for a long minute, then opened her arms wide and enveloped the startled professor in a hug.

"I wuv you." She sighed before bouncing back towards her housemates. "Cuddles!" She shrieked cheerfully.

"_Cuddles_!" The younger students all echoed, jumping up and stripping off their robes and school hats to reveal a variety of brightly coloured costumes.

"Whose idea was this one?" Julie asked the group.

"Mine." Sirius waved his hand, "But Harry suggested and charmed up the costumes. I think he said they were called wibblywobblies? Teddybuddies?"

"Tellytubbies Padfoot, they're called tellytubbies." Harry corrected him seriously, "I wanted to use Barney, but there was more colour variety with these ones. I still used our dinosaur friend for inspiration though."

"_I love you, you love me. We're all one big family_." A group of eight or so first years chanted before descending on the Slytherins with their arms opened wide and welcoming.

As one the Slytherins screamed in terror. Each in a gibbering panic, they began clambering over the table and each other to get away. Draco, Severus, and Pansy looked at one another for a moment before casting _wingardium leviosa_ upon themselves and rising up above the panic surrounding them.

"Well would you look at that." Sirius remarked in amazement, "D'you know, it hadn't even occurred to me that this could double as a prank on the Slytherins."

"You're slipping Padfoot." Harry scolded, "Your bigotry is deceasing in severity even as we speak. I'm ashamed to know you."

"I- I'm so sorry. I'll try and be less tolerant, I'll try to hold onto irrational loathing, but I don't know if I'll be able to ignore these feelings of warm delight each time I see a slimy git."

"Why Padfoot!" Ginny exclaimed, "Is there something you and Severus want to tell us? Do I hear wedding bells in the distance?"

Sirius paused for a minute.

"Oh _gross_! That mental image is going to haunt me for years."

"Perhaps not then." Ginny sulked.

* * *

"Expulsion. They've destroyed student moral, and they're flaunting a clear defiance of the rules that have been set out for student safety. Not only that, but they've completely undermined our authority in the eyes of the entire student body." 

"Now Minerva, perhaps you are being too harsh."

"Too _harsh_! Albus, someone could have been killed."

"Minerva my dear, you are overreacting. A dose of uninhibited and unconditional love is not going to cause a heart failure for the Slytherins, and I'm sure our young pranksters took precautions against all the more expected reactions to their work."

"I say we give them to Filch and take down the rules against flogging for a night." Professor Pandino put in his two cents from where he was trying to prevent his nose from twitching. Apparently his time as a rabbit had not ended entirely upon his resumption of human form.

"My dear colleagues, we must simply accept that it was simply a prank." Dumbledore tried to reason with them, "And even if we were to try a punishment, it wouldn't matter. If you will recall, we're about to forget all about this rather interesting couple of weeks. If you wish to punish them, you'll have to wait for another twenty years or so."

They all paused for a moment to consider the dilemma.

"This sucks." Minerva finally stated flatly.

"I have it on the highest authority that Mister Potter agrees with that statement entirely."

* * *

Review and I'll hug you. It will be an imaginary hug, but it's the thought that counts. The **pairing poll** is still running (see the names above). It will **close** at the exact moment that I post the final chapter of **Replay**. Remember, it is for a new, not yet existing, story, and is a vote for the person who will be paired with Harry. If you wish to suggest a pairing between other characters for any story then you can feel free to, but I may just ignore you. 

Leon and Zalan; we all know it's true. Stop trying to deny it.


	17. No Place Like Home

_**Replay**_

The final chapter of this story is finally posted, seven months behind schedule, but whatever. You all love me anyway. The voices told me so. I hope you like how I set up the ending. I will do a sequel, but not just yet. I'm all Replayed out at the moment. I'll be working on my new fic for a while. On that note…

**Charlie Weasley** won the pairing poll! It was close for a while, but then he pulled ahead by a long shot. If you voted for someone else, don't worry. I'll be working on plenty of sideline fics. Honest! I have already written six chapters of a ten chapter long Harry/Lisa fic, I have the structure all set out for a Harry/Blaise three-part story, and I have some lovely ideas for some other fics which either aren't getting a pairing, or haven't had one decide yet. I really want to do a Harry/Padma fic because a) I think I could do something really original with that and b) Vellouette wanted it and she's been one of my most consistent and wonderful reviewers.

Disclaimer: I still don't own the characters. Neither does my cat.

* * *

Chapter 17

24th October 1977

"_Attention all students! There will be a meeting in the Great Hall in precisely one hour! Attendance is compulsory, anyone caught trying to avoid this will spend nine evenings helping Hagrid harvest centaur manure from the Forbidden Forest to use on his garden._"

"Merlin, McGonagall sure has a pair of lungs on her doesn't she?"

"Ungh… Prongs? I'm pretty certain she was using a charm."

"I knew that."

"Sure, sure you did."

"Jeez, what time is it?"

"About' five o'clock Bambi."

"For the millionth time, call him Prongslet!"

"Whatever."

"Yay! I won the argument! I am the champion! I am the champion!"

"_How_ are you this awake?"

The five boys slowly roused themselves and dragged their tired bodies to the showers. Since this was Harry and co.'s last day, all the seventh years from all the houses had conspired to throw them a giant, going-away party the night before, out near the lake. They had neglected to inform the teachers of their plans, knowing that the copious amounts of contraband material they had gathered for the occasion would probably be confiscated, but going on McGonagall's rather maliciously early wake-up call, the boys couldn't help but suspect she knew.

They eventually stumbled down to the common room and were met by a bleary-eyed Ginny and Lily who accompanied them out into the corridors. The halls of Hogwarts were filled with hundreds of barely conscious students, all drifting with common purpose in the general direction of the Great Hall. The swaying figures shuffled along in a sort of dance, all trying to find a convenient seat. Most fell asleep as soon as they were sitting down. Some didn't make it that far.

And amidst all this, was Sirius Black.

"Good _morning_ all! Such a jolly night wasn't it? I'll confess I don't actually remember most of it, but the parts I do remember seem to have been fantastic." He sat down next to a glaring Peter with a satisfied sigh and grinned around at them all. "What's with all the long faces dudes? It's not that early." He caught sight of a pretty blonde at the Ravenclaw table and his eyes widened for a moment, "Now, I seem to recall spending a bit of time with _you_ last night sweetheart. The details are a bit hazy, but they also seem fairly raunchy. I don't suppose you'd be so obliged as to fill in the blanks for me would you?"

The blonde squinted at him for a long moment before giving a drawn-out, pained groan.

"Well, I guess that clarifies that." Sirius said with satisfaction, "Hey Moony! Guess who got lucky last night!"

"Black will you shut the fuck up?" Draco finally called out on behalf of everyone from over at the Slytherin table and received a round of applause for a moment before everyone winced and covered their ears.

"Good morning everyone," Professor McGonagall called out calmly from the head table with a decided smirk on her face, "Now I understand there was quite an event last night. I don't want the details since I think this morning's wake-up call was punishment enough those of you involved but suffice to say, we all think your behaviour was completely idiotic. We've called you here for another reason however which Professor Dumbledore will explain to you."

The still smirking Deputy Headmistress sat down firmly in her seat and faced Professor Dumbledore who was just standing up.

"My dear children," He began in a booming voice making several of them cry out in pain, "As you are all well aware, our four time travelling friends will be leaving at some stage today. It is safe to say that their time here has been… entertaining. They are a fine collection of individuals and would be greatly missed I'm sure if we were going to remember they'd been here. As we are not however, we do have a bit of lenience today. You see, teachers like having a day off too. Especially from our seventh years." There were a couple of week chuckles from this, "And so you see… we're giving you the day off."

There was silence for a minute before all the lower year students broke out in loud cheering. The older students groaned again in unison.

"So, enjoy your breakfast, and then the rest of the day!" Dumbledore cried out happily, "Oh and our older students may be pleased to learn that for undetermined reasons, the house elves have put a sobering potion in the pumpkin juice and covered the bacon in pepper-up potion. I'm not quite sure why since neither potion tastes particularly nice, but I'm not about to oppose those cute little creatures."

* * *

_24h October 1997_

"Are we all set Bill my boy?"

"Yes Albus. Everything's right on schedule. We're locked on to the tablet's signature and we should be able to pull our wayward travellers back home exactly when we planned."

Bill, Albus, Minerva, Remus, and Moody were all located in a small room in the dungeons of the castle, gathered around a rather intricate setup Bill had been preparing for days.

"Run us through it one more time would you Bill?" Professor McGonagall looked slightly nervous.

"Well, at precisely midday in both time periods, this summoning system we've set up here will lock on to the tablet they've got back there." Bill said, gesturing at the items he'd set up, "The tablet will basically be pulled through time back to us. As it requires symmetry to operate, it will take all four of them back with it. They don't even have to be holding the tablet like last time. Their magical signatures are still connected to it and they'll just be dragged through."

"It's almost midday," Severus called through to them from where he was outside, "You might wish to clear the room and let this thing do its job."

"What if they get injured?" Remus looked wary as they all hustled out, "If they're not expecting it, who knows what they could be in the middle of attempting?"

"Don't worry, I had Bill send through a small note to Harry telling and the others to say their goodbyes and be ready to leave at midday." Albus looked fairly pleased with himself, "Unless of course Mister Potter's watch is still slow, but I'm sure he's set it right by now."

"Umm… what will happen if he hasn't?" Moody asked warily after exchanging a worried look with Professor Snape.

"Nothing serious," Albus smiled at them, "Even I'm not a fool enough as to trust Mister Potter to remember something like that. He'll just get a bit of a shock when he's snatched through time without warning. We could have a few issues if he's in direct bodily contact with someone from that time, but the chances of that occurring at exactly the moment we take him are far too coincidental. Even if it did occur, I'm sure the tablet would be able to make the definition."

There was a stunned silence for a moment.

"Do you mean to tell me," Minerva began, her voice raising an octave, "That in order for nothing to go wrong, we are relying on Mister Potter's ability to do something trivially normal, the chance of him _not_ being in the wrong place at the wrong time, a lack of coincidences happening around him, and the reliability of an eons old artefact we know only minor details about?"

"We're fucked." Professor Snape threw his arms up in the air as Remus slid down the wall to sit with his head in his hands.

"Weasley, is there any way we can cancel this whole thing?" Moody asked urgently.

"I'm afraid not," Bill whispered in horror, "If we go in that room now, there's a high chance that the tablet will stay in the past and simply swap us over with the other group.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, _shit_!" Minerva shrieked with a decided lack of her usual decorum.

"Minerva," gasped Albus, "Please, control yourself. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."

* * *

"So you guys are heading off then" Remus smiled around at the group.

"Yeah, a note just appeared in front of Harry while he was decorating the front of the school with all the Hufflepuffs' undergarments," said Ginny, "We'll be summoned back with the tablet at midday precisely."

"We've still got… nine minutes," Harry told them all, re-pocketing his watch, "So, I just wanted to say… well, I've actually forgotten the entire speech I had prepared but, thanks for having us."

"Aww, no problem Junior Potter." Lily smiled at him.

"Where's Severus?"

"We said goodbye to him earlier. He said he didn't want to have to witness what was sure to be a valid display of Gryffindor sappiness. Where's Peter?"

"Off with Julie somewhere," Sirius shuddered, "Now _that's_ a mental image I never wanted."

"We-we-we'll miss you all." James mock sobbed, "I'll never f-forget you!"

"Suck it up Potter. Be a man." Ginny scolded before laughing.

"Yeah, fat chance of that with anyone in that family." Pansy grinned.

"Elf, why aren't you defending me?" James whined to his newly agreeable girlfriend.

"The best lawyer in all hell wouldn't have a chance with this argument." Lily pursed her lips sceptically, "Maybe I should just cut my losses and move on to some willing Hufflepuff."

"I'm available Tuesdays and Saturdays." Sirius informed her before receiving a friendly punch from James.

"We'll see you in a few years." Remus smiled.

"And then, we'll be your elders! You'll owe us your respect!" James seemed delighted.

"Er… yeah. Whatever. We'll have this conversation another time," said Draco, "I think we should go now."

"Group hug!" Harry and Sirius called out simultaneously.

"Yay! Hugs!"

"Elf, will you please keep your boyfriend under control?"

"Easier said then done. You know what he's like."

"Wait, who's tugging me?"

"What the f-"

They were all flung about without care, each shrieking in self pity. A sudden jolt halted the whole event and the four present Marauders fell to the ground.

"Where the hell are we?" James spoke for them all as he shifted off of a wincing Sirius.

"I suspect a dungeon." Draco gave the obvious reply as he looked around at their damp, stone surroundings.

"Oh fuck it all." Harry stomped his foot, "_Why_ must Voldemort keep kidnapping me?"

"Are you sure it's Voldemort?" Pansy raised an eyebrow, "I mean, these days, a lot of people seem to be compelled to try and relocate you against your will."

"I think I know a Voldemort dungeon when I see one Pan," Harry replied scathingly, "Oh wait… that candelabras has the Hogwarts insignia on it."

"I love being right." Pansy smirked.

They all turned as a crowd burst through the large doors. The Marauder students all gaped at the slightly familiar faces while the time travelling four all glanced warily at each other as a sinking feeling began to overwhelm them.

"Did it work?" Moody gasped out from the back of the group.

No one answered him for a moment.

"You have got to be fucking joking." Remus senior finally spoke out flatly.

* * *

Aww, I love happy endings!

It's all over red-rover. Well, clearly there is going to be a sequel, but Replay the original is over. Thanks to **all** my reviewers especially Black-Nyx, Vellouette, Lady Halaia, Dinkel, LandUnderWave, imakeeper, and Shivani. You guys were inspiring. Oh, and just so's you all know, the current review count at the time of posting this chapter is 124 which is pretty good since I only had 1 at Chapter 3 (and that was from my sister). I feel loved!

Thanks especially to Black-Nyx who has kindly agreed to beta the sequel.

Love you all later! ;)


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